Our two daughters are gone

by SoSadDad
(Versailles, KY)

Click on each photo to enlarge.

Sunday, 3/11, is Mel's birthday. She would be 34 if she were still alive. We lost her on 9/20/2009 to heart problems and an overdose of drugs. My wife's birthday is tomorrow, the 10th, and our 39th anniversary is St. Patrick's Day. Their significance, however, is clouded over by the 11th. So it's been almost two and a half years since she died. And it's so hard to believe that it's now been nearly eight months since Jennifer died at the age of 28 on 7/16/2011, from the same cause. If I don't sound emotional enough, it's that I've cried, screamed and pleaded so much that right now I'm just kinda numb, a short respite from the rest of my miserable helpless and hopeless life. We will survive for each other, my wife and I. But just how enjoyable can it really be? My seasoned Compassionate Friends tell me it won't ever be over but it will get better. I didn't believe them after Mel and I don't believe them now after Jenn. When it hits me in the gut that it's real, that they are gone for the rest of this life, I can't imagine it ever getting better. I love the Lord without condition. But I sure don't understand this situation.

Comments for Our two daughters are gone

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Jun 10, 2012
God be with you!
by: Phyllis Pickett

I lost my youngest son to drugs & alcohol, I know well the pain, I pray so hard for us parents, when will it help, Hugs, Phyllis

May 30, 2012
two daughters
by: Anonymous

i understand your pain. I guess we just have to continue till the Lord will give us some answer about the cruel facts of taking our girls before us. Keeping our marriages together is very hard since each of us has so much heartache that can't be relived.
I want my girls to send me some sign about what to do, because I am so lost without them.

Apr 02, 2012
he was so sad.
by: Anonymous

He was so sad the last time I went to visit. We had a good time. Went out to eat, to a movie. My son 36 was getting divorced for the 2nd time and didn't know how he was going to rally back. I went to help him put his house together and we talked. We always talked,laughed, so when he committed suicide 1 month later I was devastated. I knew he was totally sad but we'd agreed he would call me or someone if it got too bad, he did't call, then I couldn't get in touch with him, then I just knew. I don't know what to do, how to do this. It's been 6 months now and I cry when ever I'm alone, in the car, shower,home alone etc. I hear it get's better but it almost seems to be getting worse. There are so may firsts without him. How does a mom do this?

Mar 10, 2012
Our two daughters
by: April

I can't even imagine how you feel. I lost my youngest son June 22, 11. My biggest fear now is that someday I would lose my oldest, & now only son alive. My heart aches for you. Thank you for the pictures of your daughters. They were absolutely beautiful young women. All my love and prayers for you and your wife, April

Mar 10, 2012
Gone Too Soon
by: TrishJ

I'm so sorry for your losses. I can't even pretend to know what it is like to lose a child. I hope I never have to know.
My husband's death 15 months ago has me still reeling. I just seem to be drifting through the days. I can't even imagine how you feel.
If it helps at all you can know that many people on this site care about your loss. We all know the emptiness and devastation of losing someone we love so much. We know the sick feeling in the stomach, the overwhelming heartache.
It's hard to go on ~ we won't pretend it isn't. All we can do is do our best. I told both of my children to live their lives to make their dad proud. My husband was too young to leave us and you daughter's barely had a chance to live.
I pray that you find some comfort. God gave us memories so that we can remember roses in the winter. Beautiful roses.
God bless.

Mar 10, 2012
I feel your pain
by: Barbara

My son died unexpectedly on February 11, 2012. We are still reeling. He would have been 37 tomorrow, March 11. He left a pregnant wife behind. This is hard stuff.

Mar 10, 2012
by: elizabeth calavano

I lost my daughter 18 months ago-undiagnosed heart disease-she was 21y/o.My husband and I also have been told by parents i this same situation that it gets better-the loss today doesnt feel any different then it did aug 15 2010.I can still see my beautiful baby girl lying still and unmoving on our upstairs bathroom floor-i still see the look in my husbands eyes as he was holding her. The panic attacks have improved but the depression worsens. I keep telling myself that people all over the world for 1000's of years have gone through this same grief but it doesnt lessen what we are going through. you and your wife-just like the many of us who are grieving the loss of our children will never be the same-forever changed.I am so very sorry for the two of you-my heartfelt prayers are with you and your wife.

Mar 10, 2012
Being Parents Never Gets Easier
by: Anonymous

Whether they have only taken their first breath or lived in this world for 34 years, they are our babies. God loans them to us, to parent and love and nurture. No matter what the cause-I don't think we are ever ready to let them go. It doesn't seem natural, that we should bury our child. I know your pain, I lost my daughter of 34 years, last February to complications with a Cardiac Cath, a routine procedure..
Our faith is what takes us from one day to the next, His grace is what we lean on, and His love makes this journey bearable.

Rose L.

Mar 10, 2012
I am so sorry about your losses
by: Anonymous

I have lost my son in January. Cause still unknown but we expect that he took too much or the wrong prescriptions together. I am in torment and I can't understand what, why, why him, why us,etc. I have always been Catholic and had no doubts. I am lost now. At times I feel that God has never really cared for me because my life was always a struggle. At other times, more recently, I find myself doubting that there is God and it scares me. I have younger children and I am now also scared that one day I may loose them and be where you are right now. I fear that I could not live through that. I do not want to live already now. I wish that I had words of comfort for you but your burden is so heavy... It is incomprehensible. I prayed and prayed for over two months but I am worse off now then I was before. Therefore I am afraid to offer for you to pray or my prayer for you. I offer my suffering for my son's sins so he does not suffer. This is my greatest worry. Perhaps we are left and they are gone so we can atone for their mistakes. Why could they not live to straighten their paths? I wish that I had some indication of God's intentions but I don't. Why is He silent now when I am broken under the cross? He spoke with the saints and they knew their suffering was His will. There is comfort in that. I beg for this knowledge so I know my suffering is meaningful, so I don't lose the faith and hope. Be blessed in your pain and sadness. Persevere for you, your girls, and us who look for strength in your experience.

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