Overwhelmed my multiple losses

by Barbara
(New York)

I am 70 years old and until a few years ago I was active and youthful. Then I was afflicted with arthritis which severely affected my physical activities and began losing friends who were like family to me as most of my blood relatives were dysfunctional. My cats have been a great source of comfort to me. My 20 year old can no longer go outside. He suddenly developed arthritis in his hind legs. My other cat who was about 13 died suddenly of a stroke last week and this has been the last straw. I still have a support system but it is dwindling. My grown daughter has a life of her own and does not live near me. While she cares deeply for me I do not want to burden her. I was never a clinging, possessive mother. I still look good and have a sharp mind but I have little energy and am losing interest in my favorite activities such as bridge and volunteer work. I am considered a strong person who has always coped well but my heart aches constantly and I don,t see things getting better. When I was younger I always had hope for the future..not now!

Comments for Overwhelmed my multiple losses

Click here to add your own comments

Sep 02, 2013
Overwhelmed by multiple losses
by: Doreen U.K.

Barbara I am sorry for your many losses and also the loss of your health to arthritis. Since I lost my husband 16 months ago to cancer I have had more pain in my body and this is causing me to be housebound.
I have a strong family history of arthritis. Father crippled and 2 sisters. I have my own challenges with arthritis. BUT. Like my sisters I won't go on METHATREXATE as it can cause Fibrosis of the lungs. And gives one more problems. I did voluntary work years ago for 8yrs. I miss this. But can't do much of anything due to the pain of arthritis worsened by grief. I have never felt so bad. I force myself to get up and move around when I would rather lie down most days. Even family don't understand. I am being told to make the effort to go out. When one is in pain it is hard to even exercise. I am told I should exercise. I am getting fed up listening to this. I am painting rooms at the moment but PACING MYSELF. One day paint. Then next day iron the curtains. then rest a couple of days due to a bad back from this type of work. When I go out, the first thing I do is look for somewhere to sit down. I AM TIRED. I don't complain unless I am challenged. Otherwise I just get on with it silently. I am 65yrs. of age. I am pushing myself to do jobs I did years ago. Now realise it is not possible to push myself as I did years ago. I am older. And I feel it. It is hard to accept this is happening and I can't do what I used to do.
Living with Arthritis is MISERABLE. I am now trying to change my habits of a lifetime. Trying a RAW FOOD DIET with green smoothies every day and using flaxseeds. Which I have researched as being good for cardio, arthritis, asthma, and many other ailments. Giving this a try and hopefully try to nurture myself back to health. Just thought I would share this with you for support and also it may help someone else. motivation is difficult on some days. But all we can do is help pick each other up when we are feeling down. Arthritis is not easy to live with. YOU ARE NOT ALONE HERE. Don't give up Hope. Also don't push yourself too hard. Accept the things you can change. And Accept what you can't change but live with this in the best way you can. Best wishes.

Sep 01, 2013
I feel your pain. (Part 2)
by: Anonymous

We made the most difficult decision of our lives, to let her go. She passed away peacefully, just an hour and 15 minutes after taking out her respiration tubes. We, her six kids, and grand kids were at her side.

Like you, and me, she needed her fur babies to help in her loneliness through life...She had a cat, that we found together at the Humane Society, a dog and two birds. I know how much comfort they brought to her. She bequeathed them to me. I am a bit homeless at the moment but held onto keeping all of them until a woman fell in love with Charlie, the cat, and I knew he would have a great home and lots of love. I have Roxie, her dog, here with me in Colorado and she is a great source of comfort.

I have been very reclusive with my life lately that I don't have that support system of friends to rely on anymore. Why am I spilling out all of this? I think that hearing your story resonated with me in that my mother lost my Dad, her husband, 28 years ago and I know she was very very lonely, despite having 6 kids, many grandchildren, being very, very active in the community, but growing older and living alone was hard on her. Mom and I had a very special relationship, we shared everything and I felt safe with her. I miss her desperately.

I know your pain. I feel less and less interested in things and know that it's a scary place to be. I wanted to reach out to you and tell you I am here for you, if you'd like to simply share with me as you feel the need. Living moment to moment is all I have right now. At least we have that and the knowledge that we once believed in hope and, at the very least, if it was real to us then it can be real to us again one day... They would want that of us...

Take care of yourself and I will try to as well. I am here for you... Warm regards,
Wendy

Sep 01, 2013
I feel your pain. (Part 1)
by: Wendy

Hello Barbara,

I am so sorry for your loss. I just felt reaching out to you. Your hert break and situation resonates with me deeply. I lost my best friend and Mom on March 6th. Three months before that, I lost my best fur friend, my dog Siah. I was just beginning to come out of the throws of depression with losing him when I received an urgent call at 5:00 am to return to Vermont, (I live in CO) where my mother was admitted to intensive care for pneumonia. She was there for 12 days. She had to have surgery on her knee (on the one that had surgery a year ago) that was infected and may have caused the pneumonia in the first place but the infection was preventing the antibiotics from working. She was lucid and eating for 4 days and they then moved her out of ICU to the floor below. After an hour of being there and while visiting with my brothers, she needed to be helped to the commode. Sometime during this short period and returning to her bed, she suffered a stroke. It was the most horrific image of her I still have to this day...seeing her eyes wide open, unable to speak, looking so scared (I thought) and confused, all while more and more doctors surrounded her bed asking her questions and wondering what was going on.

I hadn't seen my mother for almost 6 years, and every moment, prior to this horrific moment, she would wake up immediately asking for me. I am the youngest of six, 46 years old, and have lost the closest person, friend I'll ever had. We had to let her go a few days later. One of my sister's is a doctor and she knew it was the right thing to do. My mother requested in her will to not to be allowed to live a certain way. She had some bleeding in the brain and with her pneumonia, new surgery on her right knee and the damage from her stroke cognitively and leaving her left side paralyzed, she would have been in a horrible state. (Continued in Part 2)


Sep 01, 2013
I feel your pain.
by: Wendy

Hello Barbara,

I am so sorry for your loss. I just felt reaching out to you. Your hert break and situation resonates with me deeply. I lost my best friend and Mom on March 6th. Three months before that, I lost my best fur friend, my dog Siah. I was just beginning to come out of the throws of depression with losing him when I received an urgent call at 5:00 am to return to Vermont, (I live in CO) where my mother was admitted to intensive care for pneumonia. She was there for 12 days. She had to have surgery on her knee (on the one that had surgery a year ago) that was infected and may have caused the pneumonia in the first place but the infection was preventing the antibiotics from working. She was lucid and eating for 4 days and they then moved her out of ICU to the floor below. After an hour of being there and while visiting with my brothers, she needed to be helped to the commode. Sometime during this short period and returning to her bed, she suffered a stroke. It was the most horrific image of her I still have to this day...seeing her eyes wide open, unable to speak, looking so scared (I thought) and confused, all while more and more doctors surrounded her bed asking her questions and wondering what was going on.

I hadn't seen my mother for almost 6 years, and every moment, prior to this horrific moment, she would wake up immediately asking for me. I am the youngest of six, 46 years old, and have lost the closest person, friend I'll ever had. We had to let her go a few days later. One of my sister's is a doctor and she knew it was the right thing to do. My mother requested in her will to not to be allowed to live a certain way. She had some bleeding in the brain and with her pneumonia, new surgery on her right knee and the damage from her stroke cognitively and leaving her left side paralyzed, she would have been in a horrible state. (See Part 2)


Sep 01, 2013
multiple losses
by: Anonymous

Hi Barbara,

I know that this is NOT a contest, but wanted to share my story to let you know you are not alone.

I am 75. Last year my husband of over 30 years had a catastrophic stroke and is now living in a long-term care home. He is paralyzed down one side, brain-damaged and has aphasia, so really can't speak much. His mental/emotional age is about 6, which is heart-breaking.

After his stroke I had to take care of our finances, which were also a mess. I discovered that, unknown to me, he had about 24 credit cards, all of which were overdrawn. I am still trying to fix that mess, and have exhausted all my savings doing it.

He has two daughters, who buy him things, but spend very little time with him, and certainly don't want to be bothered with me.

A few years before his stroke I had a major fall, which left me with a significant disability, four months before my insurance ran out. The following year the college at which I was teaching part-time closed. As I was away while this was being negotiated, they "forgot| about me when they put the leaving packages together, so I had to hire a lawyer and received less than half of what I was owed after 20 years. I used the same lawyer to sue the clinic where I fell and, again, half my tiny settlement has been eaten up with legal fees, expenditures, etc.

My cat was with my husband when he had his stroke and became traumatized as a result. She fouled a carpet, mat and living room couch, all of which i had to throw out. I've replaced the couch, but can't afford the rest. I gave the cat, who was only four years old, and inconsolable, to a friend who has a very young son. Apparently she is well and very happy now, which is great.

And so it goes ... on and on. i won't bore you with the rest. I have no family and, like you, have become distanced from friends, some of whom are extremely sympathetic,, but have their own families and lives.

My husband and I are still very close, but he can't begin to understand what I've been going through. So I soldier on. Alone and, sometimes, desperately lonely.

Sorry for the sob story. But I do understand what you're going through and am able to empathize deeply.

Take care of yourself , remember happy times and slowly, very slowly, you will find a measure of comfort.

jenn


Click here to add your own comments

Return to Multiple Losses.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • XML RSS
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget
->


 POPULAR
  RESOURCES


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the

GRIEF CLUB


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief
Program

Free Griefwork
E-Course

Free Stress
Management
E-Course



SBI Video Tour!