Overwhelming Grief

by Kelly
(Perth WA Australia)

Overwhelming Grief
Kelly
Perth Australia
In the past 12 months, I have lost my Father in law, Father, Mother in law and Uncle. (in order of loss).
Where do I start? I guess firstly I have done a lot of personal development – I have worked through all my issues and understand who I am and why I do the day to day things, react, get angry, upset, indulge etc. This is ongoing. And I guess without this I would never have actually made it through the last 18 months. I am 45 and lost my mum to cancer when I was 25 so I have no parents. This makes me so sad.
So that is what has led me to seek out “someone” who has experienced this overwhelming grief I have endured.

I have dealt with the loss of my darling mum who was only 47 when she passed away so will not go into that. I love and miss her dearly. I was in a relationship from 16-29 and had great support however the relationship didn’t last. We had no children. I met my now husband (married 3 yrs ago) and we had several miscarriages before going down the IVF route 5 years ago. That in itself places an enormous strain on a relationship, but the worst was still to come. 7 miscarriages later – I wanted to try donor embryo, we started down that road 2.5 years ago. At the same time my husband’s mother was diagnosed with vascular dementia. We sold their house and put them in a retirement village which they loved! Life was good for about 12 months despite repeated failed attempts to fall pregnant. My father-in-law (Bill) was diagnosed with cancer. My husband wasn’t earning money in real estate and I was the sole earner. After changing jobs mid way through his treatment, I had to take leave to look after Bill. I did this for 6 weeks, full time as well as a very deteriorating mother in law (Vera). I had it organised like a well oiled machine. With round the clock care in the end. And it was towards the end that I never saw my dad. We text and spoke on the phone but not as much as we used too. Bill passed away on the 30th of June last year. My husband who adored his father was devastated. His mother was confused and lost. I organised the funeral he couldn’t deal with it. My dad was calling and asking how we were and said he would see Alan at the funeral to talk about it man to man. The night before the funeral dad took ill and I went to his house, his wife had called an ambulance. I kissed my dad and said see you tomorrow if your ok. He said he will be fine. The scratch on his leg was septic, his body went totally into septic shock. We buried Bill on the 8th, I was called on the 9th to say dad was not going to make it. I know he saw me and knew me but he went into a coma and died on the 10th. My dad was my rock, I miss him so much it hurts like crazy. I was crippled as a child (ok now) but it was dad’s words I always heard and hear now “never give up baby”.. I have 4 sibblings, it was a horrendous time as well as I then had to find care for Vera. I organised a full time live in carer two days after my dad’s funeral. I spent most of my days there for the next 4 months until we had to finally put her into a nursing home in November last year. I visited daily took her out always, and from December to March this year again life seemed normal and we could focus again on having a baby. Vera took ill and had a heart attack on the 22nd of March. I loved that lady and I miss her. Two weeks after Vera’s funeral my favourite uncle passed away and my aunty was put into a psych ward as she didn’t cope. When does it end? We are trying to hold on, we have each other. My family are of no support, my friends cannot possibly understand, with exception to one very very dear friend who has saved my sanity. What caused me to seek out someone to talk to was my sister told me today I am miserable, intolerable, horrible to be around and I have changed. Of course I have! How is it possible to stay the same as you were after what I have been through in 12 months? I have not worked (apart from part time at a friend’s restaurant late last year) in over 12 months after working all my life. I am growing vegetables and being a wife. We are lucky in that Bill has left security for his family. So financially we are ok. We are not rich, but we are in a far better position than we have been having me not worked for this time. I feel I have “survived” this. We have booked a holiday in September. The baby dreams may be off as too much time has passed now. I have read through a few stories, all sad, and you have my empathy. Because I do know how much pain you must be in.
I have cried as I typed this. My main point of pain is my dad. But the overwhelming grief is just that… overwhelming.
Thank you for listening and providing a place that I could tell my story to hopefully reach someone else who has felt this heartache.

Kelly

Comments for Overwhelming Grief

Click here to add your own comments

Aug 02, 2012
Thankyou Tim
by: Kelly

It is nice to know someone cares... thankyou tim....
Kelly

Aug 02, 2012
Overwhelming Grief
by: Doreen U.K.

Kelly, I had to edit my post to you because it was over the limit of 3000 characters.
I wanted to say that if you are still in a difficult place and needing support you are welcome to email me at doreenelkington@aol.com
I will hear and offer you encouragement, and friendship.
Best wishes Doreen

Aug 02, 2012
Overwhelming Grief
by: Doreen U.K.

Kelly I am sorry for the loss of your father who was your rock in life. I am also sorry for all the other people who have passed through your life and left through either divorce or death. You have been through so much in life in working a job, being a caregiver, and running a home and all that one does as a wife. You have gone the extra mile in caring for others. You have faced the loss of many and are now in a broken place of grief. You are tired. You are broken. You are lonely. You are disappointed and let down badly. You are isolated with your grief and feelings. You have not been respected. You live in a world where you care and get on with doing what you need to do and along the way you have people who make your load heavier. They are uncaring, perhaps wrapped up in their own world so they are not supportive. You have grief upon grief. Because you have perhaps not had time to grieve each loss in your life. It has now caught up with you. The one person who perhaps helped you keep it together was your Dad. A strong loving support in your life now gone. You are hurt and wounded. When you looked round for someone to care about YOU. There was but one friend who was your saving from going over the edge. Along come insensitive members from your family who say ugly things about you when what you needed was encouragement. Your story is like that of Jesus in Gethsemane. He looked for support and found none. If there is anyone who knows and understands where you are at is God. But as I say to God. WE have to live on the earth. We need people to come alongside us and be that support we need. It can be a very lonely place all alone when no one understands. Kelly I know how you feel! Your load has been heavy and when you look for someone to throw you a lifeline you find you have more enemies. You don't make the enemies they just appear and drag you down. You have been reaching out for someone and your siblings have let you down. At this point Welcome to my world. You are not ALONE. Jealousies arise in families. If your father showed you more attention your siblings will not understand and will be jealous. this is a very heavy burden to bear. You are wounded greatly and I can feel your pain. This grief is made worse by you not being able to have children. You have had a lot to cope with. If you have the time and open to counselling. TRY IT! You would have a safe place to talk about YOU! and what you are going through. You would be supported. Your story and pain would be validated. You would have a voice and be respected. Pray to God for a child. In the Bible Hannah went through Grief. She eventually was given a child. Sarah wife of Abraham was barren. She was wounded. Her handmaiden made fun of her for being barren. God heard her cries. She had a child in her mature years. He was Isaac and became the foundation of a great nation. ISRAEL. God honours our SORROW. Try HIM. Be Blessed. Thank you for sharing your story.

Aug 01, 2012
Hi
by: Roops

U have really been thru a lot. N is good that u ve shared ur story here. Even I felt the need to do so after my mom went so suddenly on the 6 of may 2011. It's bn over a year n I m still in denial. Mayb it's better this way, maybe not. I just miss her every minute that I breathe. U lost ur mom wen u wr 25 n I was 26.....then 5 months later I lost my uncle who lived with us n who was like a buddy to me.in fact,I was closest to my mom and then to him......I am very grateful to GOD that my dad is here n so is my grandmother. But they r by no means young ! N I do worry abt losing them. I guess that's what v had in store for us !! Might as well live thru it. There will always b pain but then y not ? We love them that's y we miss them rite.......but u tk cr n kp in touch.

Aug 01, 2012
Thankyou Tim
by: Kelly

Tim that means the world to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. When I re-read my post it sounds like its going a million miles an hour.... perhaps it is. Becasue it has been a whirlwind of horrendous, painful proportions. There were other deats I didnt mention, my step mothers sister, which was in March last year, my husbands cousin who he is very close too flew over her from England to support him and had left the funeral service of his own father in law, only to go back via singapore where he lost his best friend. Although removed it was affecting the people that were even here to support us!! This has been the WORST year of my life. I am telling myself I'm not going crazy and i will survive this...... Thankyou again for taking the time to offer your wishes and blessings.

Kelly.

Aug 01, 2012
Heartbreaking Story
by: Tim

Thank you for sharing your story. Please be comforted there are people that you do not know who are praying for you for strength and guidance, and comfort as we read youe post.
God Bless
Tim Smith

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Multiple Losses.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • XML RSS
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget
->


 POPULAR
  RESOURCES


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the

GRIEF CLUB


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief
Program

Free Griefwork
E-Course

Free Stress
Management
E-Course



SBI Video Tour!