by natasha
(south africa pretoria)

Well I would first like to say thank you for this opportunity because when I want to speak my heart there's usually no one to listen..

I was at work the morning my sister gave me a call me..5 times! I knew in my heart something was wrong.. I phoned her.. She asked have I spoken to you as yet this morning? I said NO.. What's wrong she said.. Tash somethings wrong I can't get a hold of (pappa) I said I will try.. I tried bout 8 times and each time I tried my heart started racing more and more.. At 8am I went in to my SOS meeting... When I came out I had 5 missed calls from my sis I phoned back she said she's in front of your gate but to scared to go in.. I said Melanie go in I will stay on the phone.. I heard her unlock the gate.. Then walking up to ur door.. She opened the inside door (then silence) she said he's lying on the bed motionless and she said (pappa! Pappa!!) I said melanie just go in! She said ok.. I told her to shake you! She did!! You were gone!! I cracked!! Its 3years later and I'm still cracking I can't handle it! She turned in to a alcoholic! Our brother that was ur everything did as well!! What about me? I'm the youngest and still I have to be the strongest! We miss you so much dad why did you leave its just not fair!! Yes I'm selfish!! I know!! I just miss u so much!! I just wanna phone u and then I can't!! It kills me!!

Comments for pappa

Click here to add your own comments

Jul 31, 2013
by: Doreen U.K.

Natasha it is not selfish to want to live with your papa and have him in your life. This is normal. If it 3yrs. on you and you are not coping with his death try and see a grief counsellor. You may just be stuck in grief and can't move forward. A trained counsellor can help you here.
Some people take alcohol to ease their pain and before they know it they are out of control and very dependent on alcohol to cope. You don't have to be the strong one. Just be yourself and get help for your siblings and also look after your own grief.
It has been 14 months since I lost my husband to cancer and this is a tough battle and a long one. Grief hurts. It will take time for us all to heal from our grief. You will one day be able to move forward from grief and go on to manage your life again. But don't carry your brother and sister. Support them in the best way you can and get professional help for them. You may have to move away from them if it is affecting your life as you can be injured by being caretaker of older siblings. You are not being selfish doing this you are being Mature and responsible.

Jul 31, 2013
Your dad
by: GK

Its very difficult to lose your Dad, i lost mine 2 and half years ago, he was sick especially for last few months so even though it happened suddently in the end, i had an idea it was coming. It mustve been harder when it wasnt expected. You dont have to be the strong one, talk bout it, you lost your dad too as did your brother and sister, just you are dealing with it in your own way.

Cry when you feel like it, but know that your dad like mine, is always watching over you.

Take Care

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Dads.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!