paul i miss you so much x

by dianne
(stoke on trent)

my son paul died july 11th 2013 it was the worst moment of my life I love him with my all and 5 months later I still wait for the cause of death .Can I say goodbye no because I don't want to let him go ive wrote on here every month sum times the pain does lessen but just lately the emptiness without him in my life just seems be getting bigger I just want my son back and I know I cant .I wish I knew he was ok I wish I could hear him say mum again and god what ide give to be able to give him a hug im angry only having 21 yrs with him I want more is there an afterlife where I will see him again I hope with all my heart there is these emotions I seem be going threw roller coasters not the word turmoil disbelief and the tears just wont stop just lately .Pauie I love you more than words can say babe and I miss you immensely please babe know how much u mean to me and I will never stop loving you I cant say goodbye babe just good nite to you I love you babe and I always will as long as I breathe nite bless sweet dreams babe im trying stay strong babe I know ude be telling me to but really hard just lately just want to hug you son and never let you go xxxxx

Comments for paul i miss you so much x

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Jul 16, 2014
I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU MORE& MORE
by: JHS

I lost my only son 11 months ago today.He was 36 years old and my best friend and fishing partner.The intense pain and sorrow is with me every single day.People seem to think that fathers should get over it and not talk about it. I want to let everyone know that the pain I feel is as deep and as intense as the pain felt by his mother.My first thought in the morning and my last thought in the evening is about my son. He was my pride and joy from the day he was born.I will never hear his '' HI DAD nor his GOOD ONE DAD '' again. I MISS YOU SO MUCH AND I HOPE THAT THERE IN FACT IS A HEAVEN AND THAT ONE DAY SOON WE WILL BE FISHING TOGETHER AGAIN. Tonight, at the hour of your death, I will light a candle in your honor and in memory of all the wonderful times we had together ALL MY LOVE, YOUR DAD

May 28, 2014
Where are you Matt
by: Laura

Hi Dianne

I know how you feel. I lost my son who was 22years in May 2013, Cardiac Arrest. I cant explain the intense pain and anger that I go through every day. A lot of people told me that God wanted him as his angel. I do not believe in God anymore when I think why my lovely lad who was kind, caring, hard working and tried to help everybody. I am not the same person any more. I do not have any empathy within me. I cannot stand people moaning about their problems and I do not want to know. Very angry all the time. Removed myself from all friends. Cannot be bothered. Just be there on my own talking to Matthew

Dec 29, 2013
no comfort yet
by: jhs

To paul i miss you so much x
I am a dad who lost his 36 year old bipolar son in august 2013. I am directly responsible for his death and cannot come to terms with that. I don't know what to say to comfort you other than there are a lot of us who grieve and hurt beyond words and reading a letter like yours confirms that there are others out there who hurt as much as I and others do. I hope and pray, like you . that there is an after-life and that we will see, hear and hold our loved one once again. May God bless you and comfort you, especially during this Christmas Season.

Nov 30, 2013
lori
by: dianne pauls mum

Lori I am so sorry for you your grief is a lot fresher than mine but you still took the time to reply so thankyou I know exactly how you are probably feeling right now trying to type with the tears in your eyes cause I did it myself All I can say is it does get a little more bearable you will be having a good day now and again them bam youle just start crying again for no reason.I still do now I wont ever forget my son he will always have a special place in my heart and nothing will change that I have pauls 5 yr old daughter coming to live with me she is the same age as his brother so ile give pauls daughter the love and cuddles for us both.I share your pain and just wanted to thankyou for taking the time to reply a big hug to you Lori and I hope in time we will heal just a little so its a bit more bearable I pray each nite that the afterlife does exist and I live in hope that one day I will see paul again but he will never be out of my heart or mind .

Nov 30, 2013
paul i miss you
by: lori

I understand your pain,I lost my youngest son Sept20,2013 and I still am waiting to here the cause of death.Each day has been a struggle for me,I wake up crying and go to sleep crying.I'm hoping there is an afterlife, but at this moment my faith in god has been torn!I still don't understand why he took him from me!!They say it will get easier,but it seems to be getting worse.Sometimes the pain is so unbearable I don't want to go on,but I know I have to for I am raising to grandchildren..My heart goes out to you,I know just how you are feeling

Nov 30, 2013
paul i miss you so much x
by: Doreen UK

Dianne I am sorry for your loss of your son Paul. You have lost an Adult child and it is not uncommon for you to feel such pain for a long time. My sister lost her son when he threw himself in front of an express train 7 years ago and she needed a grief counsellor to come to her home and help put her back together. She has recovered from her grief but still has bad days when she hurts more than she can say. Her son suffered from depression. His pain was too hard to live life.
It is said to lose a child is the worst experience of a parent's life. I do believe this having had 3 children and always worried about losing any one of them. I hurt more now for losing people from my life since I lost my husband of 44yrs. to terminal cancer 18 months ago. In the early days you feel as if you are going insane with grief. The pain is so bad you want it to go away. When it lingers longer than you can cope with you could scream with this pain. I do have a strong belief in God I have had all my life and it is this deep belief that sustains me on each day. I do believe in an afterlife that gives me the Hope to go on each day with God. It is hard though when we try to make sense of losing a loved one so young. don't try to understand this as it makes no sense when someone lives to over 90yrs. and another dies at birth or midway. My father cried when my husband died because he himself wants to die living at 92yrs. with a bad quality of life which to him is endless suffering each day. Try and nurture yourself through your grief. It is like ointment on your wounds and it helps one to heal each day. I did this and it was like medicine to my soul. I am healing better. WE will always have good and bad days. WE have to live with Hope that this grief won't last forever. It has to work itself out till we find Peace from our loss.

Nov 29, 2013
our always loved children x
by: dianne

thankyou for taking the time to comment back to me words expressed on here do seem to help as I know im not the only one going threw the ordeal and nightmare rolled into one my heart and thoughts go out to you all big hugs and thankyou for your kind words x

Nov 29, 2013
Your son
by: Kate

I understand your words because I feel them! I lost my soon,my kind,nice loving caring son a year ago and don't know how I go on! I want to see my son again too! The afterlife is hard to grasp when we haven't been there,very hard for us mothers who hurt so bad.my heart goes out to you. Keep expressing your sorrow,get it out. We care on here and listen with love and understanding although nothing really helps.love to you.

Nov 29, 2013
Dianne
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for the loss of your son, your words describes so much how I feel from the loss of my son, I don't know how long this deep pain of lossing a loved one last I still cry and wake up from nightmares of trying to save my son and can't and its been 9yrs for me. I do hope you find some relief just knowing that your not alone and people care I have found this site to be of comfort to see people care and feel for you.

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