paul

by paul
(england)

my girlfriend gradually deteriorated into a full blown schizophrenic illness. At first i thought she might recover but she became gradually worse.

She went to spend time with her parents some 3 years ago but i kept in touch, hoping she might recover. Thinking well, maybe she just needs time and space and get some medical support. I thought well I have heard of people who with the right intervention get back to lead near normal lives.

At first she was just more emotional and a bit up and down with her moods. She was always fairly emotionally expressive, which was part of her; she was always so open, that's why I loved her. After not hearing from her for some time, she turned up on my doorstep, but she was in a terrible state, she returned to her parents, but returned a day or so later....

This is when it hit home; she started spouting a number of paranoid statements, i.e that terrorists where after her. She kissed me good bye said she was going abroad. Discovered from her parents she had been admitted to a psychiatric ward. Also that she had attempted suicide and went missing but was found ok by the police... Now i get occasional phone calls from the hospital with her telling me a number of rambling paranoid statements.

I am doing my best to grieve and try to let go, it comes in waves. I cry a lot, get angry, feel guilty. It's difficult when i know she is going to ring at any time. I do have some good days and some bad days.