by Phil

Almost three years ago now I was noticing my wife of then 22 years acting strangely, closing a web page when I walked into the room and generally becoming more secretive, I am not particularly suspicious and I trusted her so I let it go. A few months later she was visiting her family in another town, I acted on an impulse to check her email which I would never do but because of the recent wierdness with her behavior, found one the first place I looked describing from a psycic that she should take it slow with " another guy" I was dumbfounded and blindsided. I then checked some of her texts with phone co and that was enough, Ive never done that before and dont want to ever be in that position again. I confronted her she sort of admitted it but said they were just friends but I had seen texts that suggested otherwise. Here was the woman I had been faithfull to for almost 30 years lying to me even after she knew I had seen the texts. We still stayed together for the next 2 1/2 years then she moved out with my help and support, but has never been real with me about what was going on. The other day she was going out of town again and had left me a Note on my counter describing her new relationship with someone in that same other town, A NOTE! I have not contacted her since as I dont really want to talk to her. She called today to ask about some issues that are on the table (family, taxes) and acted like nothing happened. What a class act.

Comments for Phil

Click here to add your own comments

Dec 02, 2013
by: Anonymous

An update to my story... as you may have guessed, this is Phil, she had that boyfriend for 2 years, and recently broke up with him and I guess his heart as well, but is in another relationship with someone similar, out of town, so she gets to be alone most of the time, I only mention this because we still haven't divorced although while being a terrifying prospect I would welcome an end to having to be around her at all, the only reason we haven't is because we cant afford to, I have lost respect for her, she is letting her business go, that I built, I live in the house raising our high school aged daughter, the one bright spot in my life, I have yet to have a relationship with a woman, not for lack of trying but I am not going to get involved with someone just to not be alone, chemistry has to be there, and so far If I like them they don't like me, and vise verse, I'm just doing time, what keeps me going is my daughter, I have to keep it together for her sake. Ill keep you posted, I don't think anyone is listening but this is mostly just a place to get it off my chest. I keep telling myself there is no way to happiness, happiness is the way. Phil

Apr 17, 2012
by: Jo

Phil, Sorry -for your pain. I was with someone nearly twenty years and in the end he left me. He was a manager, for an ag company and met a vendor. I put to much to trust in him. I had gone to visit my uncle who was ill for a week and I know now that he was cheating on me. There had been she signs and some issues before this, but I didn't ever think that he would leave after twenty yr's. I thought he valued what we had together and had built. I am truly sorry, for what your wife did. I hope that one day things will work out for you. It will take time I'm sure. It sounds like you gave it everything and at least you know you did. I am not sure how it is possible for us to eat, sleep and live with someone and then discover years later, that we didn't even really know this person. Trusting again will be difficult but I do still believe that there are good people out there. Looking back on my situation, five yr's later-I see how many signs there were and I don't know why I didn't see them back then? Maybe I was afraid of losing the person I had planned on spending the rest of my life with...

I hope in time you can find a new beginning with someone that will give you what you deserve.

Apr 17, 2012
Sad Isn't It
by: Judith in California

Phil, I've come to the conclusion that not any of us truly know anyone else. We only know as much as they are willing to tell us or show us. Actions speak louder than words. We can give our hearts to someone else based solely on those three little words "I love You" and if there heart is black we won't know for a while ...but the devil likes to preen and show he is out he comes. People are willing to throw their commitment to the wind just for a thrill that will eventually become as boring as the one they left.
I'm proud of you that you took your vows so seriously as most don't today. Always do that tho.
There is a lot you didn't say here like all that was said while you were helping her move out.
The hard part is if you have children to co parent then you have to talk to one another regardless of how much you don't want to.
Hopefully you will find another too who will love you as you need.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Relationship.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!