I lost my youngest son on 1-15-13 at the age of 23. He was full of life and did more in his short time here than I have in 48 years. He got sick with pneumonia in August and his breathing didn't get any better by October. Took him to a lung doctor at one of the best lung hospitals in the country. They couldn't figure out why his lungs weren't recovering. During all these tests he collapsed at my husbands feet. We tried CPR until the ambulance arrived but I knew in my heart he was gone. He went so fast and no one ever, ever mentioned death to us. My husband and I do not know how to handle just everyday routines that used to come so naturally. We miss him so much that it physically hurts. I buried both my parents and I can tell you the pain of losing a child is by far the worse pain I have ever felt in my life. He just told me right before Christmas that he wanted to ask his girlfriend to get married and he was looking forward to having children of his own. Now all that is gone, he will never get married, never have children. I'm not sure how to go forward if I even want to go forward. I know I shouldn't think like this being I have 2 other sons and a beautiful 3 yr old granddaughter. I feel so broken and my life has changed forever. I tried reading some of the other stories but can't get through them without crying. My baby Bryan I miss you so much!!!

Comments for Phyllis

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Mar 14, 2013
What Makes You So Sure?
by: Anonymous

What makes you so sure that he will never get married or have children? If that were the case, all of my hope would be lost. I hold on to the possibility that I will be with the love of my life on the "New Earth" the way I do not get to be with him here on the "Fallen Earth." I read this book that discusses the true heaven. It provides an in-depth analysis of various passages in the Bible regarding what is ahead for all of us. It really helped alleviate the utter despair that overwhelmed every ounce of my being after my love was tragically taken from me last year. I have chosen not to say goodbye to him but to instead view his departure as him up there doing God's work and me down here doing God's work (at least for now). He "graduated" but I'm not quite there yet. I try to stay happy for him without feeling sorry for myself. It's HARD!!!! But by the grace of God I am slowly working through it. The physical pain of grief hurts a little less only because I have learned how to live with it. I have no choice. Time is cruel. It marches forward whether we want it to or not. If I am stuck here I better make the best of it so that I can guarantee myself a spot up there with my love. Hang in there. Pray. Pray. Pray.

Mar 13, 2013
by: Doreen U.K.

Phyllis I am sorry for your loss of your very young son. Life is so very unfair. Your post made me cry with you. I feel your sorrow. Many people who have lost a child/adult child benefit from seeing a grief counsellor. It just takes the edge off the grief pain. You are right. To lose a child is the worst experience a parent can go through. I doubt anything in life could hurt you more than to lose one of your children. Grief does make one feel like they don't want to go on in life. It does something to our body to make us feel as if our battery has died and we are pushing ourselves uphill and it is such a struggle. The only other worse loss for me was to lose my husband of 44yrs. 10 months ago to lung cancer. caused by working with asbestos. My husband died a slow death over 3yrs. I never thought I would lose him. If he hadn't worked with asbestos he may have lived to his 80's as his parents did and his two surviving brother's. He died too young at 65yrs. A sudden death is worse because the loss is instant and the panic and fear of the moment consumes one into a state of numbness. My body still feels assaulted by grief. Sitting here alone makes no sense. But we have no CHOICE but to live on. My husband doesn't get to watch his two baby grandchildren grow up. They are so beautiful. He would have loved this time of life in retirement. Life is so very cruel, even if it is our destiny to die before our time. No parent is prepared to bury their children. This makes me feel very vulnerable to losing any of my 3 Adult children. I wish you the Peace, Comfort, and Love of family and friends to surround you at this time and help you get through each day.

Mar 13, 2013
One step at a time
by: Anonymous

Dear Phyllis, I too lost my son on 19 January this year in an avalanche. He was 24, a PhD student and like your son, had his whole life in front of him. The night the police came to tell us of his death was the worst moment of my life. In the nearly 8 weeks since his passing, I have had a birthday, and we have had Mother's Day here in the UK - both events were better than I had anticipated, but yesterday and today all I have done is cry and feel so heavy with sorrow and hopelessness. The future does indeed look bleak. We too have another son aged 21. Someone said to me early on that the only way we can go on is to focus on what is right in front of us and take things one moment at a time. I send you my heartfelt love and feel we are on this journey together, one day at a time.

Mar 13, 2013
Grief for son
by: Kate

Phyllis I am sorry you too have to know the depth of losing your child. No loss like it. I lost my parents, husband ,sister and nephew but not my son ! My heart cried out ! In Nov.2012 my son died. I'm still in disbelief even tho I know it's true. The sorrow and loss is unbearable so we go through it bit by bit and all different emotions come, anger too. It is SO HARD. I do not know how I have come thus far except by begging God "help me" ...... Tears and darkness and yet as you say,others to care for that we love. We are so wrapped in our pain its hard to see anything else. We do understand on here. This blog helps me because others really know. I can read and cry and know others are on my pathway and making it so I can too. We are all on the mourning bench together. Not a place we want to be but a place where we need others who understand. We can sit on the bench alone and die within or we can see the others with us there and say I can do this today,I can. Here come my tears. Hold on in any way you can.

Mar 13, 2013
one day at a time
by: Anonymous

Phyllis I am so sorry you are suffering this terrible loss. I too lost my son -- i know how you feel. Take one day at a time - it is so early in this grief journey for you. They say time heals all wounds - but you will find this is a wound that wont heal but time will allow you to move through the grief. Do not think to far ahead. One day at a time is all you have to think about getting through. Find strength in the ones who surround and love you. Your son is with you always - I dont know your faith but if you have faith pray - pray every day for peace in your heart. Look around for the signs they are there. He is with you.

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