Plane Crash 3-21-12
by Sue DeSha
Dad's last birthday 4-15-10
I lost my mom, brother, sister-in-law and their three dogs in a private plane crash last spring. I am the only remaining sibling living in Minnesota. My other brother is in New Jersey and my sister is in Colorado. My new husband and I have spent most of 2012 dealing with death, funerals and trying to sell two homes; one 130 miles away and the other 70 miles away.
My mom was my best friend and my parents' home was my refuge during many difficult years before, during and after the divorce of my first husband. I still drive each week to check on their home and both need it to sell, but don't want to let go.
The day before Thanksgiving, one year prior, I lost my dad suddenly to an aneurysm. Six months before that I lost one of my dearest friends suddenly to heart failure. Last month I laid to rest my mentor and close friend, the one Christian friend who was there for me through a nasty divorce in a small town.
As anniversaries of these traumas pass, I keep thinking "now I will feel better" or "I can start living again." But so far the layers of grief press ever heavier and I struggle even though God has made His presence known in many ways, especially through the faith, kindness and perseverance of my husband.
Sometimes I am very afraid of losing another loved one. Sometimes I have overwhelming anxiety late at night. Sometimes I laugh. Sometimes I sob like a little girl, broken-hearted. Always, I know that I have not been abandoned by God. He loves me. I trust Him, but it hurts.