Please be a better year for us all
Everyone was telling everyone Happy New Years and I said I will say New Year but I can't say HAPPY New Year. How can it be a happy year or day or second ever again without your dad. One of my daughters told me that this year was such a bad year that next year has to be better, that daddy will be watching over us. I pray that she is right.
My grief outbursts have been fewer, that is until October, then all of the anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays had to come back to back. It has been so so hard for me. But I will try to find some peace this next year. Everyone on this site makes that task a whole lot easier, thank you.
My oldest daughter and her family are going to live with my younger daughter and myself this year so that I can quit one of my jobs. I had planned to quit when Bryan got well so Bryan and I could be together the way it used to be 24/7, the way we liked it. The job was in retail and was extremely stressful. I used to call Bryan at work or home crying because of this job, and when we found out that he had cancer he told me that he did not want me to go back to that job.
I do have a job as my paralyzed daughters attendant. My daughters and I have discussed our situation and decided that it would be better for me to cut my hours at this job and get a check for Bryan from social security. It's not much but it will allow me to get away from the stress of the retail job. It will also allow me to concentrate on my family and have the time that I need to grieve.
I just can't stand all the people that mean well, and I don't think I can hold my tongue any more. We have pulled together and will survive. Like Bryan always said, as long as we have each other we can survive anything. I am so thankful for my wonderful children and grandchildren. I couldn't survive this without them. May we all find some peace and happiness this coming year. We all deserve this as we have been through so much. God Bless us all