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Please Come Back

by Nina
(Wisconsin)

People tell me it's ok, he will come to me in my dreams, and it's true he does. But I wake up and he is definitely gone, I really hate waking up in the morning. He died two weeks ago, it's now Thanksgiving weekend and tomorrow would have been his 61st birthday. I am tired of crying and yet that's all I do.

I am not sure how I will get through the holidays, I know I will but it will be so very difficult. I am hoping that writing will help. Someone once told me that death is easier than divorce, I've never been through a divorce but death is so absolutely final. Divorce isn't as final as death, and it doesn't obliterate hope. We were together 29 years, married 27 years and I feel so completely shattered.

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Please Come Back

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wanting him back
by: Judith

Dear Nina , you sound like me. There are so many days I tell Him I want you back, I still love you and miss you. Death does not take the love we had with it. It's like unfinished business and a somethings missing feeling. Yet, I would not want him back so disabled as he was and suffering, and he had lost most of his abilities and was beginning to lose his voice and it would have been very hard to keep him at home and care for him if it had continued.

Placing him in a care facility would have killed me more than his death. So I have to let God have him because I know he was merciful in taking him home. My grieving has gone through so many feelings and it's true it's like a roller coaster ride of emotions. I'm 2 1/2 months into my grieving and will use this time, however long it takes, to get to know myself again and hope to be wiser and ready for whatever God has in store for me down the road.

I wish you peace as each day goes on. Thank God for the years you had. We had 35 years.

Nina...
by:

What Zoe and Jules say are the honest truth. We have helped each other through this last year and it has been a bumpy ride to be sure. You will have bad and worst days to start. Burst out in tears in public and the complete inability to think straight. Keep reading, what you are going through is the numb stage that helps you towards the grieving process that you must face. It is truly a one breath one step one day at a time process. It does force you to be stronger than you ever thought possible. The people here are wonderful and will stand by you after the initial sympathy from family members and friends dwindles. We understand because we are all going through it and only wish the best for you in your road to recovery. Keep reading keep writing and we'll be here for you always...
HH

The start
by: Zoe

All of us here know your pain. We live it with you. Right now all you have is painful movement through a world that continues to move while you have stopped.

On this site we have a saying it is how we
Survive: "One breath one step one day at a time".

Like the rest of us you find yourself in a life
You did not choose. There will be bad days
And then worse.

This site does help, you can come and write how
You feel and where you are when no one else
Seems to care

We are always here and we always listen.

In a time that you feel most alone know that
You are not.

We all listen, sometimes we do not answer
Because we are riding the waves of our own
Grief.

But we are here.

How do you get through the holidays?
One breath one step one day at a time
It is all we can do.

please come back
by: Jules

Nina - one year down the track and I still wake up in the early hours of the morning - and he is not there - sometimes I wake up two or three times a night - so what you are feeling is quite normal - if what you feel is that you can't get up - don't - stay there, do what YOU want to do.

Your brain has had a shock - and you won't ever be that same person again - I know that I am a different person - I have had to learn to live a different life - I have made a life for myself because I have had to - John is not there to share it with now. I completely forgot how to cook in the early stages - my grandson asked me how to make instant gravy - total blank - I mean what is it? Boil water and stir, but could not even think what to do, and anything other than that - completely gone from my mind. I can cook now, but have no interest in it at all, may never again. I don't know, I just take each day as it comes.

Come on this site as often as you feel, it is like having your own counsellor 24/7 - there are some fantastic and wise people on here who will help guide you through this wilderness, for as long as it takes - there is no time limit on grieving, but life is what you make it, read some of the blogs under the "lost spouse or partner" section - you will see that what you are feeling is totally normal.

Take care
jules

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