POEM MUM WROTE FOR ME - SADIE MUM AND LOYAL FRIEND OF JILLIAN

by Jillian
(UK)

THOUGH YOUR HEART MAY ACHE A WHILE
NEVER MIND
THOUGH YOUR FACE MAY LOSE ITS SMILE
NEVER MIND
THERE WILL BE LAUGHTER AFTER PAIN
WHEN SUNSHINE FOLLOWS RAIN
YOU WILL BE HAPPY MY JILLY ONCE AGAIN
NEVER MIND.

Dear Mum

You were taken on May 22nd 2012. I held you in my arms as you took your last breath.

I came back to the house which we had shared and remembered this poem you wrote for me.
I have shared it with friends on this website as it is so beautiful mum.

The house is empty without your singing, words of wisdom and kindness. I try to control the tears - but remember what I have lost. The friend who saw me through two operations, who gave me courage through being bullied and so many trauma's.

I care for Michael as you know he has been very ill recently but I try to stay calm as you always did and keep to his routine.

Others either avoid me or tell me you are out of your suffering and I have to live my life. But I would rather have five minutes with you again than all the lonely boring shopping trips, or functions without you.

Any understanding responses would be appreciated.
Jillian.

Comments for POEM MUM WROTE FOR ME - SADIE MUM AND LOYAL FRIEND OF JILLIAN

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Aug 19, 2012
Poem Mum wrote for me- Sadie Mum and Loyal Friend of Jillian
by: Doreen U.K.

Jillian what a lovely peom. Of course you would rather have your mother back than anything. I echo what you say and feel. Even if Steve was just sitting here or sleeping I would rather have this than the emptiness and lonliness his death has left me with. The pain and loss we both feel is still flowing. Since we last spoke I have had some bad grief days where I felt I wanted to walk away from everything. I guess you have your moments also. this place of grief is so very painfull still and will be ongoing for some time.
People can be so very cruel first to avoid you, and then say you need to get on with your life. I go through this also, and it is painfull. Better they said nothing. So many people on this site say the same thing. People avoid me. I FEEL ALL ALONE. Just when I need someone around there is no one. On one of my bad days, my sister skyped me from Australia and she was so concerned. She asked me if my 2 sisters here in the U.K. knew how I was feeling. I said NO. I didnt' want to tell anyone else how I was feeling. I was tired of doing this. going over the same old feelings of emptiness and lonliness. there is nothing anyone can do. They try to offer suggestions. I don't want to hear what I need to do to move forward. I CAN'T. It is just this simple. I guess this is the same for you. We both/all who have lost someone don't want to feel this way. We don't want the pain of the loss but we can't give it to anyone. It is part of us. We need our loved one's back. But this won't happen. The worst part of grief is our loved one is never coming back. We miss all the day to day interaction with them. Even the simple things mean so much and we have lost them. How do we go on? Even one day at a time does not help. Grief feels as if we have been opened up by a surgeon and left this way and the pain is oozing and we can't get rid of this. Jillian I hope that you did go and see that counsellor I recommded. I may take my own advice if I can't move beyond my grief. I don't want to end up with depression that is hard to recover from. My sister in Australia skped my cousins in the U.K. and my aunt who lost her husband to lung cancer. In fact she has lost 3 husbands. It helped me having this visit as I couldn't get out of this rut. I hope we all have better days ahead.

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