post post grief

by Dave
(dallas tx )

I lost my father 5 years ago, and i did not grieve. On the day of his burial I went back to college and moved along with my life. What it did in the years after was incredibly difficult. It triggered many cycles that were self destructive to myself and everyone around me. forward passed the alcohol, the anti depressants, the self loathing and pity, Im just now coming to terms with the whole thing.
My father Died, he was the best father that he could be at that time.
Now im dealing with the after effects of not grieving, Im having to work on myself and the relationships around me that are important to me. It is not an easy task.

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Apr 29, 2013
for Dave who postponed grieving
by: Luci

Dave, I'm sorry for your loss. I postponed grieving for my mother when she died because I had to help keep my dad together who was a total mess. You went to college...you had a serious and valid distraction and at that age especially, grief is such a foreign emotion. Many people have never even gone to a funeral before they hit 30 years of age. Try not to be hard on yourself. Now that you know that the choices you made back then weren't the best ones for you or those around you, you've taken a gigantic step in self-awareness and growth. Give yourself credit for that and above all, forgive yourself. It sounds like a formula when other people say these words but I think the reason they say it is there is so much truth in them: Your dad would not want you to waste yet more of your life analyzing what you did or could have done. He wants you to experience joy in your life and if it took you 5 years to do it, you're well ahead of those who took even longer to reach the place that you're now in. Be gentle with yourself and surround yourself with people who matter to you. May God bless you and hold you in His care.

Jul 18, 2012
post post grief
by: Doreen U.K.

Dave I am sorry for the loss of your father. In my posts I am always advising people not to become so busy that they don't have time to grieve. If you postpone grief you only have to deal with it later and it will feel that much worse. It will be more painfull. Unresolved grief will show itself up in ways that we will block out by using substances to help us cope. Even using alcohol is not wise as it acts as a depressant for a while and then you feel the full wrath of grief.
I am glad Dave that you have realized this and now dealing with this in context of your relationships as they would be affected by postponed grief. Seek bereavement counselling as this will help people who have postponed grief and finding it difficult to move on.
Best wishes.

Jul 18, 2012
Sorry for your Loss
by: Jackie

Dave I am very sorry for your loss. Grief is a hard thing to deal with and process. I lost my husband 20 months ago. It has been the most trying time of my life. My son lost his father at the age of 15. He has alot of anger and is not greiving. May God bless you during this difficult time in your life. This site is wonderful it has been a God send for me. It is a comfort to me to know that other people are experiencing the same things as I am in there journey thru grief. Surround yourself with people that love you and support you. You are in my prayers.

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