problem with Adoption

(st paul)

Yes we are hurting, but everyday it gets a little better. It will therapeutic to write out what happened so… it started when my wife and I wanted to start a family and were having problems having a baby, although nothing medically wrong with either of us. The first round of fertility did not work & we were going to start a second when we were approached by a teen girl that knew my wife's twin sisters, husbands, parents. We decided to meet her & the dad, both just graduated from HS and were looking forward to college & did not want to be parents.

We had them over to our house to meet & my wife & I both thought they were very sincere about wanting to have us parent their child. After we met with their parents & talked with them a second time we decided to go for it and shut down the fertility and start the adoption process.

We researched adoption agencies and went with Lutheran Social Services and put in our application & did all the home studies, background checks and had our friends write letters of recommendation.

As the pregnancy progressed my wife and I were very much involved with the birth-mom, she wanted us to go to all the doctor appointments and once in awhile we would have them over to our house. About 4 months into the pregnancy(b-mom) asked us to co-sign a lease for an apartment because she had to move. I talked about having her move into our home instead; we have extra room so she did move into our home. She lived with us for the next 3 months, not once in this time did she ever waiver from wanting to go back to college and go back to being an 18 year old when this was over.

As we got closer to the due date, b-mom moved into a house with her dad & Holli and I started to get the house ready for a baby. We went out and bought new furniture for the nursery & decorated the baby’s room; we went out and bought cloths, bottles, everything you need for a baby. We were so excited to be parents.

B-mom was having complications with high blood pressure & we started going to the doctor 2-3 times a week, sometimes in the middle of the night because she was in a lot of pain from bad headaches. About 6 weeks early, the doctor told us they were going to induce and we were having a baby in the next couple days.

At the hospital everything was perfect, Kerstin said to me that I was going to be taking home my son soon. Holli and I got a room right across the hallway from the B-parents in the hospital and after Aiden was born everyone was so happy and the baby was perfectly healthy and everyone was doing well.

That night we had the baby in our room, we were very happy & at ease with the whole situation, not at anytime did we think she was having second thoughts. The next morning our attorney met with the b-parents & they signed the custody documents, He said they signed without hesitation. After another long night at the hospital it was time to go home, we were excited to get the baby home & it seemed like everything was working out as planned.

The day we got out of the hospital, the b-mom and dad went over to LLS and signed the consent forms. When Holli and I talked to LLS & they said that they signed everything and seemed happy that it was over & they talked about starting college soon. So we were feeling better & better with each passing day.

We had the baby for 12 days before we got the call from LLS that she changed her mind & that she was coming to pick up the baby. This was on the 8th business day after she signed, so legally there was nothing we could do, she gets 10 business days. She said that she did not want to go through life wondering what he was doing (even though it was an open adoption). I asked her how she planned on taking care of a baby with no job & no money & no stable place to live; she said she would apply for welfare. She took baby and left and we have not heard from them since.

It’s been a roller coaster of emotions for us, but we are doing fine. We know that everything happens for a reason and that God has different plans for us.

Comments for problem with Adoption

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Oct 30, 2010
problem with adoption
by: jules

That is so sad - I adopted a son out 42 years ago, and had no regrets - I never saw him at all, again no regrets - I had split with the father, and knew this was the best for the baby.
When the adoption system opened up years later, I approached the authorities, really just to get closure - and know that I had done the right thing for all concerned. I met my son when he was 21, my other children met him, as did my parents. But I felt no connection with him, he wanted to call me mum, but I said no, I was his birth mother, but not his mum - he had one of those already.

To this day, I know I did the right thing - please don't give up - go back to fertility, or if you are adopting, do it through an agency, not personally, I don't know how it all works over there, but here you don't have to see the child you are putting up for adoption, and you go through a rigourous counselling to ensure you know what you are doing. You can opt for contact, or no contact.

Feel for the little child, care for yourselves, and look forward.

Oct 29, 2010
That must have been stressful!
by: Terri

I can only imagine your anger and frustration with the situation. I hope you can find another way to have a child and I pray it has better results. That must have been so stressful for you and your wife. I will keep my figures crossed for you both!
Thank you for sharing with others that may need to hear they are not alone!

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