Problems are getting worse

by Lonely daughter
(UK)

Since losing my precious mum the loneliness seem to be getting worse. I seem to dwell more on how her pain and death was due to holding down three jobs when she was exhausted.

Also when she was very ill the doctors seemed to miss opportunities to help her. It was only when I insisted on blood tests they believed mum was ill.

Extended family are not close and when there is any contact it is me who has to initiate it. An in law who was always unkind to my mum said `At least I gave her grandchildren mare than you did' When they know my disability affected my fertility.

Now I am dreading my birthday, Christmas and every day is a battle without her presence.

We were never apart, it might have been called a single parent family, but it was complete with the presence of my lovely mum.

Comments for Problems are getting worse

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Oct 27, 2013
My heart & Thoughts are with you
by: Anonymous

I am truly sorry for your loss which is made worse by a family that is not supportive. Since that is the case maybe it could help a little to know those of us here, grieving with you, can be your family.

My mom too was my everything. We had it tough growing up and mom made every sacrifice to ensure the well being of her children. She passed before I was able to give her the security she longed to know which makes it so much more painful for me.

I'm sorry your in law made such a horrid comment to you!! I am certain your mom was more than satisfied with the love you gave to her. Please don't let what that in law said get you down.

None of us kids gave my mom grandchildren but she never loved us less because of it.

I wish I knew what to say to help you to feel even a bit better. Just know that you aren't alone. When you're feeling lonely and longing for your mom just close your eyes and imagine I'm giving you a big hug along with your beloved mom. Peace be with you in your time of grief.

Oct 27, 2013
Problems are getting worse
by: Doreen UK

Lonely daughter often it is the mother who keeps the family unit together. But a death always causes a fracture in the family so don't be alarmed this is normal for many families.
Also you are feeling worse thinking of your mother holding down 3 jobs and becoming tired. Often children wish they could take away their parents suffering. But we all have our own life's experiences and somehow speaking as a mother we take our lot in life in our stride, and somehow even with great difficulty we get through life. Days are tougher now and our struggles are more severe. Don't dwell on your mother's suffering as this is now over. Find a way by slowly changing your focus. Triggers will take place all the time and things will come into your mind that you don't want to think of. But this is part of grief. Cry all you need to as this is healthy grieving and where your healing comes from. It won't last each day you will heal from your loss. Also remember you have the freedom to keep those you want in your life and walk away from situations that don't benefit you or enhance your life. You will soon be able to structure you life in a way that will help you to move forward better. But it will take time. I decided to expand on my first post as it is not always easy to remember all the points of your post that is affecting you and needs addressing. Best wishes.

Oct 27, 2013
Problems are getting worse
by: Doreen UK

Lonely daughter I am sorry for your loss of your mum and for the way you are facing difficulty within your immediate family.
Part of the aloneness one feels is not only attributed to one's loss but also how the rest of the family behave. Often they behave at their worst and death triggers off bad responses from family members. You may even lose friends and family and feel more isolated. You are not alone here it is actually quite common. Our health service is failing patients all the time so this is also a common problem and it does affect one's grief.
For a family member to use your disability against you for not having children is cruel and debasing. People like this will go through their own rough experiences one day. Life is not smooth for everyone. If you find yourself struggling and unable to move forward go and see a CRUSE bereavement counsellor who will be able to support you through your pain and loss. You need to treat yourself special and nurture yourself back through grief. Do special things for yourself each day and build yourself up. It does help with grieving. Your mother is at peace now and nothing and no one can hurt her. You need to care for yourself now and try and get as much support for yourself. You will become stronger and less alone and you will find your way back from grief. It does take time but take ONE DAY AT A TIME. This is what helped me. I wish you better days ahead and comfort in your grief and sorrow.

Oct 26, 2013
Another lonely daughter
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry about your mother. I feel the same way, but I lost my father. It has been almost 10 months since he died, and I feel like my grief is getting worse and heavier. I am starting to get very anxious about the holidays, and not quite sure what to do. If there is even anything for me to do. I worry about my mother and how she will handle the holidays. I worry that I won't be able to pull it off for my kids this year. But I know I have to. It is such a hard, long road, and I am sorry you are struggling. You are not alone, we all understand your pain. Your mother's spirit is with you always, and your wonderful memories will comfort you. I hope you can find some strength here, and begin to heal. Peace and prayers, Barb

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