Progress Report

by Lawrence
(UK)

To my dear friend on this site who have helped so much in the five months since losing my dearly beloved wife I would like to send a progress report and my deepest thanks...
Well, I am getting there but realize I will never arrive; the pain is still so acute and never a day goes by without shedding a tear or two, as I said previously I feel like half a Siamese Twin, after seventy years together as sweethearts..
However I have noticed a change, I have started a new novel and seem to be playing the organ more although “MOON RIVER” is an obstacle I haven’t been able to conquer, I can play it OK but singing it breaks me up and the same applies to “THE MOUNTAINS OF MOURNE”, they were OUR songs, I’m sure you understand.
I joined a bridge club today which will get me out of the house and I’m sure I will quickly get the hang of it
I can’t decide on the wording for my lovely wife’s memorial stone, how can you put into a few words a lifetime of love and friendship
I’m sure all of you reading this will realize the agony and grief of losing a beloved partner does fade slightly as the months pass by, but I repeat the wound will heal but the scar will be there forever.
Lawrence.
.

Comments for Progress Report

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May 27, 2013
So pleased I assisted
by: Jillian

Dear Lawrence, I am so pleased I was able to assist the wording for your beloved wife's memorial.

Words seem so inadequate to sum up a lifetime of devotion, so it becomes a real challenge to convey our love in condensed words.

My precious mum was a talented artist like you. The house was always full of her poetry or singing. Her wish to be a professional opera singer was thwarted because of family tragedy - but her talent could never be suppressed.

I hope when you feel easier you will compose a song for your wife. I know it will be beautiful.

Please take comfort that you contributed to such a happy marriage, and making your wife's journey so happy. Your children are blessed to be born from such a loving union.

May your progress reports continue !
Shalom,
Jillian. jillianrcohen@hotmail.com



May 26, 2013
UK
by: Lawrence

Jillian,
The words you put on your mum’s memorial stone were so beautiful they moved me to tears; she must have been a very special lady, deeply cherished by you and your family to warrant such love.
You have inspired me to find words that will also demonstrate the deep love myself and my family have for my beloved and so deeply missed wife and mother, she was our rock and we have nothing now to cling onto.
I too am Jewish but our faith does nothing to alleviate the devastating heartache and sadness of losing a loved one.
Once again many thanks and take care.
Lawrence

May 26, 2013
Progress
by: Doreen U.K.

Karen I am sorry for your loss of your husband. I was married 44 yrs. and lost my husband 1yr. ago to cancer. He worked with asbestos not known as a killer material in the workplace and due to cutting this he developed a slow growing tumour which takes 40-60yrs to develop. This tumour is incurable, inoperable, and aggressive. He cheated death a couple of times and had 2 major serious illnesses in the 47yrs. of his working life. He could have died in 2005 with ENCEPHALITIS. But this one MESOTHELIOMA took his life.
For the first few weeks I could not do anything. This turned into months. I did the usual work around the funeral and tying up paperwork. I slowly did a job here and there just like you so I wouldn't feel the emptiness and lonliness. Just don't be afraid to grieve. Cry all you want to. This is expressive grief. Just don't make the mistake of keeping so busy you block out the pain and so don't grieve. It will catch up with you later and feel that much worse. It is good you have a loving and supportive family and friends. This does help one to cope with grief. I had a good support structure and this has helped me move forward better. I guess your husband missed his retirement just like my husband did. This is the very worst time for us in life. We have to rebuild some sort of life now without the one we loved and lost. Just be yourself despite people telling you to move forward. Only You will know when you can. But it takes a long long time to get over a loss like this. You can't live and be married to someone for such a long time and not expect to feel the enormous casm one is left in. I hope the days ahead will get easier for you and you find your way through this grief with lots of love and support.

May 26, 2013
Progress
by: Karen

I just stumbled on this blog. I lost my husband of 45 years this past Febuary. He had a massive heart attack and died instantly. It's been almost 4 months and I am now starting to feel the emptiness and am a bit overwhelmed by it all.. I have wonderful friends and family but this must be something that you just have to get through. I find myself trying to keep so busy so I don't have to spend time home alone. Hopefully this will change. I am glad that I found this blog. I will be checking back. Thanks,
Karen

May 24, 2013
progress report
by: silver

Dear Lawrence,I do so know what you mean.My husband watched a lot of TV when he could no longer work.I still can't watch the shows he watched often.I tried once and only watched part of it before I changed channels.It's ironic.When he was alive I asked him why he had the TV on all the time,now,WHO watches TV a lot.I guess I just need to hear people talk.I'm 64 and retired.I miss him so much.I am finally getting out of the house at least once a week,even if it's only to go out to lunch and window shop.I am finally beginning to take an interest in cleaning the house.(It didn't get dirty but the clutter was bad.)It's been 2 yrs this month(may 2013).He died one wk after our 33rd anniversary.It takes different times for us all to begin our steps to living again.I'm glad you are on the way.GOD send you strength and support.I send you love and prayers.

May 23, 2013
re: Progress report
by: Alassia

Sorry,that should have read: 'My spirit is always with you'...

Finding the note had a huge impact on me and now my husband's words are engraved on the stone.

Deciding on engravings is not something I ever thought I would have to do! It was not something we ever considered while we shared our lives together. I found it an incredibly difficult and stressful experience: I had failed to protect my husband in life. How could I create a 'fitting' memorial for such a wonderful person?

All I can say is, I did my best within my inadequacies.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, on a stone could reflect the wonder of the beautiful person laid to rest below.

Finally, I had to try to accept that.

Alassia


May 22, 2013
Memorial stone
by: Alassia

Lawrence

I too struggled with words on the memorial stone. But I found a scrap of paper on which my beloved husband had written ( don't know when!) 'My spitit is always with you'.

I have included his words, between two doves, at the base of the stone.

May 22, 2013
Good to hear from you again
by: Jillian

Dear Lawrence, So nice to hear how you are.

I understand the pressure of getting the memorial right. We have to convey so much of our beloved one in words - which often feel inadequate.

Today I went o my mother's resting place, it is the first anniversary of losing my best friend. (I was her only daughter).

A line I chose was `It was a priviledge and a blessing to have you as a mother' it seemed to convey just how unique our relationship was.

I am of the Jewish faith and had a scroll of a Holy Book. I understand other faiths can have comforting symbols too.

My mum had a beautiful voice and I do miss her singing (she wanted to be a professional opera singer) I do hope one day you can play those beautiful melodies you shared with your wife feeling easier.

Jillian.

May 22, 2013
So sorry
by: Anonymous

I have not lost a partner but lost my identical twin sister a year and a half ago. A good friend of mine told me it DOSENT get easier as time passes it gets tolerable . I am sorry for your loss

May 22, 2013
Progresss Report
by: Doreen U.K.

Lawrence thank You for your Progress Report. It makes me feel so happy that you are further along in your grief and that you are in a happier place now. You are planning your day and you are trying so hard to move forward. This gives HOPE to all of us. Of course you will still have those bad days but they won't seem quite so bad when you are structuring your day and making it count. It changes your whole world. WE will all have the scars of our loss FOREVER.
It matters not whether you are unable to write or tackle some songs. In time you will be able to process them and you won't feel the pain but the joy of what they meant.
If you google e.g. type in help with choosing words for a memorial stone this will come up with many suggestions. I did this and chose a line here and a line there and pieced them together and got the most appropriate 8 lines and very pleased with this. This is what I chose for my husband who died of Cancer.

God saw you getting tired when a cure was not to be.
He closed His arms around you and whispered "Come to Me".
So keep your arms around him Lord and give him all your care.
Make up for all he suffered and all that seemed unfair.
He suffered much in silence, his spirit did not bend.
He faced his pain with courage until the very end.
He tried so hard to stay with us, but his fight was not in vain.
God took him to his loving Home and freed him from his pain.

This was for the desktop and The usual words for the main headstone. e.g. In Loving Memory of my beloved Husband and father ........ Dates of birth to death...... Loved deeply and sadly missed R.I.P. I am sure once you read a few you may be able to construct what you want to say.
Best wishes and May life keep getting better each day for you.

May 22, 2013
Progress Report
by: SansCoeur

Lawrence I am so glad things are starting to go better for you. You are doing so well! Five months is still so very early. Yes you are right the pain doesn't completely go away but life gets easier, more bearable. Today for me was a bad day, the eight month anniversary. Many tears shed. Some days are bad, some are good. I think it's a very healthy sign that you are playing the songs that were important to the two of you, it's a link with the past. Don't worry that you can't sing them, that will come in time I am sure. When I look back over the time since I lost my love, I am amazed at how things have changed for me. Good for you that you are picking up a new interest and social outlet, I'm sure that will help. The worst part about this grief thing for me is the waiting. I am not patient and having to simply wait while my subconscious works through the grief process is so hard. But I know I am on the way and I'm sure you are too. We "just" have to hang in there and wait for it to get better. I have been lucky with my grief counsellor, she has made a huge difference over the past couple of months. I know you had an awful experience with yours but I hope you managed to find a better one. Take good care

May 22, 2013
7 months and it still hurts.....
by: Natasha

Its been 7 months since I lost my Mother at the age of 53 (I lost my dad 17 yrs ago and I am an only child)... There are days when I feel I can cope but days like today where all I want to do is have my Mom back. Its my bdy tomorrow and the whole extended family will be there to bring in my bdy except her.

Yst while cleaning her cupboard I came across her nightgown and held it against my face just hoping that I could smell her. I have very supportive paternal aunts who have looked after me as their own but I just want mom back in my life cause nothing is complete without her.

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