psychosis and loss of family

by Mary Spiegel
(Washington, PA)

I had three mortgages and back taxes and set out to fix the problem caused by my X instead of bonding with my babies. I got sick doing so and went into a one helped me they just took my kids away.I tried to keep my house in whatever way I could,but I was left as an inner child hopeless and helpless. I couldn't make money and remained homeless for 20 years. People with power and money continued to deny my feelings and I am very distraught over this.I only wanted a budget to have a place to live and raise my babies. They are grown now and I still wake up early to raise the family I don't have. I am not interested in doing anything else.I tried to make money,but my mind is always on them.I should have never gone to work in the first place. Now I still have anxiety and depression and they all have money and their lives. Am not crazy,just sad.

Comments for psychosis and loss of family

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Aug 18, 2014
psychosis and loss of family
by: Doreen UK

Mary if you want to talk more and receive on going support just to let it all out so you can make sense of it you can email me privately I am moved by your sadness at the life you lived.
WE live with so much dysfunction in our world and in our own private world within our family. I do understand that often we cannot prevent the mistakes we grew up with and learned and so we struggle to find the answers to make life better for ourselves. That is the time we could do with good support and there is often none. We feel we are left alone to figure it out. Trying hard to unlearn the wrong we grew up with and inhibits our life. WE then live out the damage of our lives often with that inner child so wounded the Adult cannot make the right choices or decisions due to that damage of the inner child. You could greatly benefit from working with a psychologist/counsellor to help you heal the damage from the past and so end your anxiety and depression. Believe me when I tell you that I understand the family dynamics and how you feel. Often we are powerless to change our past without skilled help from professionals. I did this counselling and healed my inner child and was able to become the Adult I had always wanted to be. You needed to do the inner child grief work with a psychologist in order to heal yourself. You may still be able to do this grief work now and heal from the pain of your past and present. Only then will you be able to reclaim your life and forgive yourself for the decisions you
made that lost you the power to be assertive in dealing with your EX. You need to find Peace now to live in your present. I look forward to helping you any way I can. Feel free to write back. Sincerely Doreen

Aug 15, 2014
I was at fault too
by: Anonymous

I had OCD that no one knew, impulse behavior,ADD,inability to bond etc,but was willing to get help. I was just not diagnosed and didn't listen to God at times. It was a family problem and no one wanted to address workaholism, meanness that I learned,but really wanted to grow up and be a nice person and great Mother. I could feel it and needed hospitalized until I got a handle on it all. It was too hard to work sick, but didn't know I didn't have to live that way. I can speak now, but family has no empathy or need to be out of dysfunctional. All family members should have their needs met and now I have to help others and keep loving myself. My inner child still wants to have fun, but she needs to grow up and and utilize the power of the Holy Spirit as I can do nothing without Christ. This will not go to the next generation of my family.

Aug 15, 2014
Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your kind words. I have God now,but my family's plan was not the best for me. I wanted so much more out of life and I was stupid for solving other peoples problems and not being so afraid. My kids are so smart,but I like common sense. Two nephews have died due to tough love and it doesn't always work.

Aug 15, 2014
by: Anonymous

To Whom it May Concern,

Thank-you for your support. My Husband at the time had an Inheritance of 250,000 and the first thing he did was to put a second mortgage on our house and go to Disneyland. He worked hard, but underpaid and spent the rest of his inheritance on monthly bills. I was going to college and had five kids and when it was over, I became depressed and overwhelmed at the loss of our home, and we got a third Mortgage to help pay off the first two. Then it dawned on me to make money and stop spending it, etc. , but he didn't help me, he just played with the kids. I wanted to too. They got good educations, mostly free and moved away. They have nice houses and good husbands and I worked at stupid jobs for a home to live in. I should have never gone to work sick, but that is what I did. I had the loss of my Family's support and my Dad's love and was accused of manipulating people. My Doctor wants me to take all kinds of meds to keep quiet and behave, but I was left with nothing. I have my own place now, am trying to go back to school to help people who were neglected, have rejoined the Church I left at my Divorce. I wake up wanting to take care of my household, like a Christian wife, but have no household to take care of. I blew an opportunity to build a Habitat for Humanity Home because I couldn't concentrate,Most people treat me nice, but not my controlling , rich, family. So I just didn't want them to control me, I just wanted on a budget of my own and to become whole and not Codependent. I seem to be able to help others to figure their problem out, but not my own. I needed love from an emotionally distant family, so I seek God for it now, but miss bringing up my kids and had so much love to give them. I got into a lot of trouble looking for Love in all the wrong places and acted out, so it appears I am a mess, but deep down I am a sweet shy person, who was normal at age 25 and happy and wanted intimacy with my husband. He was an ACOA, but didn't want to admit any of his part in the matter. He doesn't recognize his role as leader and when my second Daughter got sick, he left her in a Mental Ward and hightailed home. I dealt with my illness, recognized it, tried to grow up, but couldn't do it all. I accomplished nothing financially and keep calling myself stupid for not knowing what to do when I got hit. When you are so low, you don't think straight and the least they could have done was put me in a home that could help me back then. It is a bad memory altogether and we could have been a great family. I had assets, but my X blocked my phone calls to my kids, told them I was crazy, sued me for child support, didn't have to pay for College or weddings for five girls and when I got a little happy, he tried to blackmail me. I don't think his kids want to know the truth about him, they just want me well and happy. It was never about being happy, but raising healthy kids and giving them a better opportunity that we created. He was not interested in working with me, so that was not my fault. I still want to be a whole Woman and will go where God leads me. I still need a bed in my apartment to sleep on and something significant to do. MY inner child just wanted to grow up with my kids and learn to have fun and not have constant stress as I did not learn a vocation as I was a stay at home Mom for 20 years waiting for my X to make it. Boy was that stupid. Thanks again for your empathy, my heart is sad. I tried to get my sister to teach me Tennis so I could get rid of my anxiety and depression, but she said no. I needed to get away from non supportive people, but my Dad lived next door, my sister down the street, and I couldn't get away. I made a fool out of myself at times because I couldn't take care of myself, but am trying all kinds of groups and leaning towards people who care, not people who still try to control me, like my Paranoid Schizophrenic sister who had my Dad wrapped around her finger to the point that he loved no other of his 6 daughters and now those sisters will do anything for her at the drop of a hat and when I ask it is always no. I won't go to them anymore, but still want my babies back. God promises me two fold of what I have lost, but I am impatient. Will continue to focus on the Lord and do one thing at a time. I had a habit of trying many things to solve the problem, but now know I just needed a few good friends.
Thanks again, you don't know what it means to me to have your kind of support.

Aug 15, 2014
psychosis and loss of family
by: Doreen UK

Mary your story is such a sad one filled with love and desperation for the family you had and lost through the carelessness of others. We all make mistakes in life and have to make tough decisions not knowing if it is the right one, but having to do this all the time. You have had to live with the consequences of the decisions others made leaving you with debt. You tried to fix this and it was all too much for you and pushed you over the edge. I am amazed at how you live to tell the tale. You have strengths that allowed you to cope with immense responsibilities. You have faced a grave injustice when you should have received the support and guidance you needed. I feel very sad and angry for you at not receiving the support you needed to care for your children and bring them up as you wanted to. This is a mother's greatest desire. To rear her children to become part of the family unit in which they will thrive and become independent people in their own right. You were never given this opportunity. Because 20yrs. has lapsed you sound as if you have given up and feel that there is nothing left for you to live for now. I would love you to write back and expand on your story if you can and let us know what became of your children? Do you get to see them at all? How did you manage to have 3 mortgages? Many people struggle with just one. Could you gave declared bankruptcy on debts that were not yours? What became of your X? Did he ever take any responsibility? You could do with some support now to help you resolve your past hurts and give you a reason to live and move forward with a better quality of life. I am so sorry for your immense loss of family, home, job, money, husband etc. You could do with some counselling support to help you heal from such immense losses that has crushed you and left you depleted of life itself. You need someone to take you under their wings and help you now. I am so sad for you now and hope that you do find someone to rescue and care for you now till you can see a better way forward. Don't give up Hope and don't forget God. He is a present help in time of trouble. God should be our first resort not our last. I would not have gotten through a difficult life without Him. I wouldn't be here. I would have ended my life. We have so much adversity to cope with in life, but much can stretch us and help us develop a strong character, as it has done for me. I wish you well in life and hope that God Blesses you in the years ahead with a better life.

Aug 14, 2014
Psychosis and loss of family
by: Anonymous

I m so so sorry for your losses. I hope and pray you find some peace and joy. God bless you.

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