My son served with the 82nd Airborne PIR four years on the front lines in Iraq and Afghanistan. God kept him safe throughout the entire time. While he was home on leave, he was killed in a tragic highway accident. Only 28 years old, engaged to be married, and eager to finish his college education as a Physician's Assistant. It's been 3 1/2 years and the dagger remains in my heart. I've tried counseling, medication, reading books, journaling, joining support groups, supporting the soldiers through donation of time, money, and care packages. I've funded a permanent scholarship in his memory, given donations to many charities in his memory, volunteered for highway safety programs and law enforcement agencies. Only a few still remember what an awesome young Christian man he was. God took the best and left me with nothing. His older brother who lives with me is a rock band star and has spiraled even further down. I am trapped in misery until I die. I'm sixty years old and single, very active in my church and community but nothing helps the agony and pain of constantly thinking about him 24/7. people say I'm so much better, I even laugh once in a while, but I just exists just to get through another 24 hours. What else can I do?

Comments for rayolife

Click here to add your own comments

Feb 21, 2012
by: TK

Thanks for your comments. I certainly understand that this a nightmare from Hell that will never end. We just have to try to live with it however we can--although right now I do not know how. I wake up every morning with the terrible reality of the random unfairness in this life. Each day is another day to try to survive and go on with unbearable pain. Life will never be the same. We have do the best we can to enjoy and support our other sons and surround us with friends who really care. I have found several others that lost a son or daughter and we can at least understand each others pain-that is some comfort. My heart and love go out to you and all others who have been forced to take this most difficult journey--hopefully a journey that leads us back to our loved ones. There is no other choice than to try to in some way honor the son we lost and those still living. I care for each one of you and send you hugs as I know there are few words to express hurt and hope.

Feb 20, 2012
by: rayolife

Dear TK,
Thank you so much! You really do understand, because you lost a son; it was a paradox! You welcome one home, and sent one home (heaven). It had to be so devastating to the soldier brother returning home and expecting to spend time with his other brother. I think that's why my older son is SO bitter. He waited 4 long years so they could spend time together, and then he was killed by a repeat offender, driving without a license, driving a commercial truck with out certification....a terrible driving record! It was just so unfair! Only 4 or 5 seconds would have made the difference life and death????? He was killed on the day that he, his brother, fiance, and friends were going to the mountains to spend a week of vacation together. I had to wake up my older to tell him that his brother had just been killed. It's a nightmare from hell!

Feb 19, 2012
by: rayolife

All of the responses are greatly appreciated. It helps to know there are others in the same situation. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. Blessings to you all!

Feb 19, 2012
Ray of Life
by: Janet

I am so sorry for your loss Sue. I cannot even comprehend what you are feeling as I have not lost a child. I know that the journey we travel called grief is a long hard road and with time the pain will end. I lost my wonderful husband Jim just 3 months and 19 days ago only 5 months after I retired. I am very thankful for those 5 months and would not trade them for the world.

Enjoy your other son and find ways to help him to keep from spiraling down even further than he already has. He is also grieving and that is probably why the downward spiral. We each deal with grief differently and no two people grieve the same way.

No that you son is safe with the good Lord above and is watching over you. Take time to take care of yourself. There is a saying that "Life is a bitch and then you die". I changed that saying to "Life is a bitch but grief is worse" and posted on my Facebook wall. One response I got was "I never thought about it that way". We never expect to lose someone that we love. There is no right or wrong way. We all my travel make this journey alone but with the help of friends we make along the way we learn to come to terms with it and to begin a new journey or chapter in our life.

Remember you are not alone; that God holds you safely in the palm of His hand; one step, one breath, one day at a time. God Bless you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you make this journey called Grief.

Feb 19, 2012
by: sendy

I beleive God is his greateness and wisdom knows why he takes beautiful lives at an early age. I know what it feels like and I too wanted not to continue, but I realized that I too had another son who was pleading for may attention and love, and I felt it was my duty to stand in front of my fate and enjoy my son e/moment and give him the time and the reassurance he needed. They were totally different in character but at the end they are both my sons. Try to spend more time with your son that is alive, try to look away from the things you dislike and hold captive the moments you two have spent together. Only the love of a mother and her prayers can bring the prodicle son back. dying seems like a good alternative, however this son might need you more than all the people that you are trying to help. Do not mistake me, I believe in charitable work and I my self have joined causes in my son's name, but my 1rst cause is the one son that needs me right now. Invite your son just for a simple meal, love him embrace him, that will help you feel alive, do not sensor him but encourage him and remind him of your love for him.never quit praying for him. Declare him free and well. The loss of a child is a nightmare hard to wake up from. Love yourself and take care of your health, seek professional help. I did I actually take antidepressants for over two yrs. Find a passtime that will help you stay occupied. I do gardening!
Do not give up,
I hope and pray that you will rise from this terrible and painful experience

Feb 19, 2012
I understand
by: TK

So sorry for the loss of your son as I understand all too well what you are feeling. My oldest son arrived home from Iraq with the 82nd Airborne November 2011. The same day he arrived I found out my middle son had died. It was so bittersweet and devastating. I am still in shock and each day try to determine how to keep going. I read much and still go to work, but the joy and the motivation has been zapped out of my life. There are not many who can understand the pain, the hurt and the agony of losing a son. I try to keep existing so my other sons do not have to experience any more pain, but I really do not like this life anymore. We can pray for each other that God will be with us, somehow lessen the pain and some way give us assurance that He holds our sons in His hands and we will be with they again when our time here is done. Bless you as we go on this terrible journey.

Feb 19, 2012
life goes on......
by: PatJ

I am truly so sorry for your loss. I will be 60 on my next birthday and feel like my life isn't much worth living since my husband's death. I miss him so much. I can't even begin to imagine how you feel. Terror filled nights while your son was serving our country to have it end like it did. It doesn't seem fair does it?
I went through so much with my husband, fought to get him on the national transplant list, only to have to die before transplant. It seems like I did so much for nothing. I've had a really hard time coming to terms with it all.
Life seems so overwhelming most days. I really haven't found too much to make me happy since my husband's death. I seem to be just drifting through the days.
I wish we new each other personally to be there and try to lift each other up.
I continue to pray and will add you to my prayers. I pray for all of us suffering on this site.
God bless. I hope you find a little something to smile about today.

Feb 19, 2012
Choose to Heal
by: judith in California

What a tragic turn for your son. It just isn't fair is it? My dear, you are doing a lot and don't know just how strong you have been. Yes the pain is there but you keep going. I don't believe for a second that your son would want you in so much pain tho. He would want you to carry on and find some happiness for yourself. And you must.

As for your other son, please have an intervention for him if he is on drugs and get him the help he needs. But please don't give him the power to ruin your life. You are still young and don't deserve to be in turmoil for the rest of your days.

God is here for you so talk to him often along with a professional who can give you insight as to what you need to do for you.

I wish you well and healing.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Adult Child.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!