My dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer on 21st March 2011. On further investigation we found that it had spread to his liver. Our lives fell apart as my dad had always been so healthy and had been hiding symptoms from us. They told us it was Stage four cancer and that he had about a year to live. He had surgery to remove the tumour in the bowel and then began intensive chemotherapy, which he handled with such bravery and dignity. The chemotherapy was successful and they advised us that they offered a liver resection to remove the tumours which was unsuccessful. We were devastated because the possibility of a cure was taken away from us and we were faced with losing him allover again. Over the last sixteen months he went through more rounds of chemotherapy which left him weaker and weaker. Despite all of this, he remained cheerful and bore everything with such grace and remained remarkably active.
Them five weeks ago he started having fluid gathering in his stomach and he began to spend more time in bed. He was admitted three times to have stomach drained, each time getting weaker. Then two weeks ago, his eyes began to turn yellow and he was struggling to get out of bed and even though we knew this meant his liver was failing we still could not believe it. On the last day of his life he was still lucid but very weak. The about 4pm he fell asleep and never woke up again. He had a difficult night and died on November 22nd 2013 at 11.07 am. I cannot explain the pain I feel and how much I cannot believe that I will never see him again. He was my dad, he taught me so much, gave me so such strength and asked for so little in return. My love for him grew even more because of the way he loved my children and what he did for them. I don't know how I am going to manage without him and life will never be the same again. I love you dad, more than you ever knew.

Comments for RDavies

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Dec 06, 2013
R Davies
by: Doreen UK

Rhian I am sorry for your loss of your father 2 weeks ago on my daughter's birthday and the same day my neighbours father died which I found out later. Life is full of sadness when cancer strikes. My husband of 44yrs. died 19 months ago to a deadly cancer. I nursed him for 3yrs.39days and it was a horrendous cancer journey so I empathise with what you went through. It is the worst time of the year to lose a loved one. Cancer is one of the worst diseases because few come back from this despite Chemotherapy. One always lives with the fear of this disease coming back and living on a knife edge. My husband worked with asbestos so his tumour took 40yrs. to develop and is always terminal. It was the worst ever news hearing this and not quite processing the fact that he was going to die and there was nothing I could do to save him. I prayed for a miracle and refused to know how long he had to live. When the macmillan nurse said to me "I think your husband is dying." I wanted to strike out tell her she is wrong. My relatives asked the medical staff how long my husband had to live and when he passed away I heard later that it was a week. I felt very angry that this information was given out to relatives and I then had to think How I would have reacted? and if I would have done things differently? I still cry with all this information suddenly realising why so many nephews and nieces decided to visit. Why? I do feel somewhat let down by the disclosure of information from the medical profession. I hope in time life will get easier for all of us after our loss.

Dec 05, 2013
Your dad
by: Jolynn

Your dad knew how much you loved him. The love a parent feels for a child and child for a parent is the most profound love. We are forever attached. We do not know exactly what happens after we die but we are energy and have spirits and just because we quit our bodies, it does not necessarily mean we cease existing. I lost my 26 yr old son 1 year ago. He was an officer in the Marines training to be a fighter pilot. He was my Hero. I had some unexplained odd experiences right after he died that made me believe that he was telling me he was alright. Your dad may be closer to you than you know. Your grief is overwhelming now but in time you will find some measure of peace. I sleep with my son's shirt. I write him letters and tell him all the things I did not get a chance to while he was alive. I said goodbye because even that was taken from me. Death is cruel. It is final and we can not imagine going on with life with such a gaping hole in our lives. But somehow we do. You are a very compassionate man I can tell from your writing. Your dad lives on in you and in your children. It takes courage to walk thru this pain. But we must. I wish you comfort this Holiday and from now on.

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