Recover from grief? Why do we have to?
Why do we have to face each day without our soulmates?
My perfect husband died - suddenly - 12 weeks ago. He was 56, had never been ill, was diagnosed with pneumonia and within two weeks he was dead. I feel as if I ‘died’ then, too.
But every morning I wake up without him! Why? Why? Why?
I’ve found that well-meaning people freely give opinions:
1. “You must move on.”
2. “It’s not good to stay at home, alone.”
And the ‘big one’:
3. “Time is a great healer” (?)
4. “What would he want you to do? What would he be saying to you now?”
I know the ‘right’ answers to these statements and questions and have answered ‘correctly’ to make the other person feel better. But I believe none of it.
My heartfelt answers would be:
1. Why should I move one? I don’t want to 'move on' since it means I have to ‘live’ without him!
2. When I go out, I’m in a daze/ sobbing in my car/ a danger to other road users... I’d rather stay home.
3. As more time passes, I realise I will never see him again and the pain is overwhelming...I wish I could die. Now. Not just for today, but forever.
And in response to the last question:
4. I would hope that my love, my soulmate and my greatest friend would want me with him instead of suffering in this life?
I’ve lost faith in any ‘afterlife’ although I always used to believe in an ongoing spiritual existence. I feel that if I just go to sleep then that’s got to be better than living without him.