Rest in Peace My Beautiful Mira
(Emeryville, California, USA)
Me and Mira
Mirabai Grace came into my life after my beloved cat, Leela passed. Mira was meant to heal my heart. She helped me to stop crying. She was my “Miracle” girl.
However, there was much more than this as there was a relationship. Mira ran to the bathroom with me in the mornings as if she wanted to start her day with me. She slept with me at night and stretched her entire body across my bed taking up much of the space. She talked often as she interrupted my thoughts, meditations, and so on and now what I wouldn’t give to hear that meow! When I came home from work I would smile because Mira was always at the window waiting for me. She was the most inquisitive cat that I’ve ever met (including Leela was a curious cat). When the Comcast man or the men who installed my dishwasher with noisy tools came over Mira was at their sides checking them out. I wondered if she was trying to protect me as she watched them. Yet, she was completely trusting.
This past Sunday I had to put Mira down due to abdominal cancer. She stopped eating after many, many bouts of vomiting. She struggled to use her litter pan and couldn’t even drink water.
Still, part of me wonders if I did the right thing. Maybe I should have waited. Maybe she could have gotten better… The vet told me that if I waited, she would have suffered more so we did this and I hate it. Over the past year she vomited from time to time. I thought that she had food allergies and kept changing her foods. She would be fine and then the vomiting would start again and go away. She seemed fine other than one rather inconvenient symptom, but over the past few weeks she got very sick. I took her to the vet and they did thorough lab work which only showed a high white blood cell count. I thought that maybe it was just a virus or that it was IBD which is treatable, however, she stopped eating altogether. I force fed her food and Pedialyte. She lost a lot of weight. I could feel her spine and her ribs even though her beautiful fur was still extremely soft.
She’d stay near me or hide. She hid in the bathtub probably because this made the mass in her abdomen hurt less. She kneaded on her teddy bear which seemed to bring comfort.
Today is the third day of her passing and I keep seeing her every where in my home as if she hasn’t left, yet, I can’t touch or hear her. I worry about her. I hope that she is okay. I have deep faith and yet it’s being questioned. Where is she, is she okay, is she happy, fed, warm, does she miss me? I meditate and pray to be with her.
The pain is intense. I have bouts of crying jags that leave me nauseas. I can’t eat or sleep. Nothing brings me joy and normally I have an inner sense joy that is presently gone. I feel like I let her down. I miss her so much. It’s incredible. I realize only now of the extent that I loved that little cat… I wish that I could turn time back a month when she seemed fine and life was smooth and good.