Reuniting with first love after 20 years

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Reuniting with first love after 20 years

by Daisy

My story begins as a 36 year old woman going through a painful separation of a 16 year marriage...

I had not seen or heard from my first love from 14 years old for 20 years. One day he texted me he would be in town the next day and wanted to see me. He lives 1100 miles away. I agreed. I saw him for about 30 minutes before I had to go to work... Then he was gone again. We talked like no time had passed during those 30 minutes. After we parted, I felt a sadness I hadn't felt in a very long time. We had dated at age 13 yrs for 9 months, and were so in love. I had heard over the years from his cousin that he had never really gotten over me... He had said I was his one true love and he was now in his second failing marriage.

He planned another trip with his cousin, my best friend, to come to my home town again several months later. I planned to spend the weekend with them. I never saw coming the flood of emotions I would be opening up during that weekend.

I was very much in control of my heart the first day seeing him again. Then we all went out to dinner and a club. He was so caring, and sweet to me. Attending to my every need. Taking care of me when I had a little too much to drink. (I do not usually drink, so the alcohol really affected me) It was like old times being with him again.

Then with out warning he kissed me... I first pulled away, but then I couldn't any longer... The past 20 years of missing him and all my emotions hit me like a ton of bricks. He told me how I was the one he should have married, the wedding ring on my finger should have been his... That was it though. He was very much the gentleman with me. The next day he was very closed off to me. I never again saw that tender loving, caring man again towards me. He was guarded. He left again, but continued texting and calling me.

He asked to see me again, so I flew for the weekend to his town. We spent a magical weekend together... Talking and laughing like kids... He opened his heart to me about the years of pain he went through after he moved away and had to leave me behind. He told me I was the first true love, pure love he had ever had and the only one since...

When the weekend was over he dropped me off at the airport and left with barely a hug... I was so confused and hurt. I knew it was good bye for us, but didn't understand why.

Now it has been 2 months, and I don't hear from him any longer. I found out through his cousin that he never intended for us to be together again, now or ever. He has refused to tell me how he feels, has felt about me and what the past few months of "us" has meant or was to him. I'm so hurt and confused... How could I have been so wrong about him? He seemed so honest and sincere when we were together. I feel he misled me... I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to put this all behind me.

I never saw this coming.

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Reuniting with first love after 20 years

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love will find a way
by: Anonymous

Hello, I also reunited with my 1st love about 6 months ago...we were 14 and 16 when we met, we went to the movies,and drive in. Listened to Prince and Banana Ramma together, etc...someone else came along for him (I was a virgin, he was not)years later we ran into each other again @ a club. I was not a virgin anymore so I was all excited and nervous of what could happen. I drank to much that night, he drove me home, watched me puke my brains out, kissed me goodnight and never saw him again. Next i met the man who would turn out to be my ex-husband and a year or 2 later saw the wedding announcement for he and his wife. NEVER once did I ever stop thinking about him, wondering about his life. Always thought of him when I heard certain songs. It turns out all I had to was type his name into facebook and there he was. Wow!!! After all these years I found him! He was serving in another country and after 5 months he was coming home and happened to have his first stop in the states in the city in which I live,(how did that happen?) there was no doubt in my mind I was going to pick him up from the airport and show him my new city. Well I was prepared for "what may happen" I had no idea how I was going to feel, I had an idea but wow was it like no time had ever passed us!! He said that he felt like we were walking out of the movies as if no time had passed. Well something happened that night and I drove him to the airport the next morning and we had a wonderful breakfast together. I have seen him since, we kiss each other goodbye but that is it. We talked about what he is going thru at home with his estranged wife and i discussed my current husband not accepting me and acting like an old gizzard...i have realized we both need to take care of our home life 1st before moving on with our life together. I am nervous, scared, anxious, unsure, but also know I only have 1 life to live and I do want true happiness! Something I didnt believe in until I found him again!!! I dont know what is going to happen but am thankful for finding him again. It took me 22 years to find him and may take a few more to be together but I will NEVER give up...

The Rocking Chair
by: RANKENDAY

I was married to an emotionally unavailable man. We did nothing together... even to the point of driving and sitting separately to our children's ballgames. I felt totally and completely alone.

I had an accident and was off from work for a couple if months. Bored and alone all day, I started chatting to a man. Our friendship grew. We met prior to my filing for divorce. It was magical. The talks that we had were amazing! The passion was obvious.

Sounds perfect....Not. We could never get our timing right. He lives in a different state than I. Various pressures kept us apart. After a few years, we drifted apart. We both remarried. He is divorced a second time. My second marriage is in turmoil.

He has recently contacted me by email. There is something clearly evident between us. I want to give us a try. I want us to find out sometime before this life is over if the dream that we shared of "sitting on the porch of our home in our rocking chairs" will ever become a reality.

I hope that the answer comes to me soon. I hate living this confusing life! R&K

even soul mates are human
by: Anonymous

One thing I'm learning about us finding each other after 23 years is that the long-distance phone calls are an easy way to grow distant, to misunderstand each other. Seeing each other once a month is not enough to erase that challenge. Our lives are so different can they merge in a healthy way? Can I, after being divorced for such a short time, be sure I don't repeat the same mistakes with my soulmate?

He's human and is exhibiting behaviors that concern me. Phone calls don't suffice. I'm still me: hesitant to make anyone angry, holding in my feelings, but also a strong, hard-working, loving woman. Sometimes I wish we hadn't reconnected. Sometimes I want him to hold me & tell me he loves me & that we'll grow old together.

Help.

He was my all
by: Anonymous

I hope I reunite with my 1st love one day, never felt the same about anybody else than what I did for that man, he was my world x

in love and afraid
by: Anonymous

Dear Diary,
My marriage was ending; my husband had moved out, I was sick of being with an emotionally distant/absent man, even verbally mean at times. I wrote a diatribe in my little notebook that is always in my bag.

Fast forward a mere 24 hours: Facebook friend request from an old friend. I saw his profile face, and I knew something would happen...we'd gone to college together, worked together in a wilderness program for 5 years. We had a number of the same friends. I always, those 8 years, had a big crush on him: smart, handsome, funny, similar interests, but out of my league. As prone as I was in my 20's to let a man know my feelings, I never did with him. I don't know why.

Facebook messages moved at the speed of light. He'd always had a crush on me, too. Within days, he asked me to marry him. He came to visit me in a month. We immediately clicked 100%. I want to marry him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

BUT: I have a 15 year old daughter. She knows about him. we live in different states and our plan is for me to move to his state. But my daughter sees me and her dad 50/50. I cannot leave her 100% of the time with her emotionally disconnected father.

BUT: I am profoundly insecure, always have been. My new/old love has completely accepted our being together forever, utterly. I am, with my insecurity, feeling I need constant reassurance, which I know drives anyone crazy. I need help with that.

BUT: we have to remain living in separate states for awhile due to financial constraints and my divorce not being final for another 60 days or less. What if he gets bored with me, or finds someone else?

I have no reason not to trust him. We've known each other for 30 years; I saw him with girlfriends then, I know how he operated. He was honest, loving, true to those people. So how do I change my insecurity? This is what I carry with me, despite changing spouses. It's my Achilles heel.

We remain the same, despite changes in our external circumstances, despite changing our spouse. How can I help myself? Thank you for reading.

After 40 years what if?
by: Anonymous

I found my first love via facebook after 40 years. She was 16 I was 17 so very much in love, just can't live without the thought of tomorrow together love. Then my folks stepped in, worried about a baby at 18 two by 20 and my life being "ruined" at 21, they wanted us to cool it for awhile. But at that age it's 100% forward or dead stop, so I stopped. I didn't tell her why or even goodbye, just picked a fight and walked out. Now fast forward 40 years and I find her again. The guilt was just like we broke up last week. I contacted her and wanted to tell her what happened. The problem is I opened up old scars that should have been left alone, for her and me. I never thought that just saying hi would open up a flood of old memories and what could or should have beens.
Did I say she's been married 39 years and I've been 38. We've talked twice by phone both of us in tears. She wanted to meet face to face but I said no. I just don't know what would happen and I'm afraid I'm not strong enough to walk away a second time.
I love my wife more than life itself but the thought of my first love ....what if???

reuniting with first love after almost 20 years
by: Milly

I'm in tears as I read these stories. I have recently reconnected with my first love and always thought he was the love of my life and always compared my adult relationships to him, I always thought if he turned up on my doorstep Id leave everything for him. So we recently got in contact again and we shared that we both feel the same, however we are both in relationships (neither married) and both with kids. We have met up a few times in the past few months (I've recently moved back to our home town and he just lives a few hours away so he comes up and visits friends etc) and the chemistry is so strong between us. My relationship has been rocky for years and years and I've known this for some time but never had the guts to leave (I've always been the person to stay in a bad relationship than to be single) but now I have a urge to leave the father of my child in order to have a possibility to start again with him... I'm so scared and sad and excited all at the same time. I'm scared he won't have the guts to do the same, I'm sad cause even tho I know my relationship has been crappy for a while it's still sad to walk away and be a single mum, excited cause I think maybe my dreams will all come true after all (if we end up together) I wish someone could just tell me what to do, I'm going crazy on this emotional rollercoaster.

True Love always works it's way back home Part 2
by: Honey Bunny

Later that month I check on my former boyfriends facebook and I noticed that his status had changed from ?married? to ?it?s complicated?. I also noticed he posted that he was in a divorce he didn?t want. Something in me wanted to reach out as a friend and to let him know he was not alone. I never intended on anything else. After all, I was still married. My message told him I knew we couldn?t be friends on facebook but I wished him well and hoped everything worked out. He answered me by saying we had always been friends and at this stage of his life he needed a real friend. He gave me his phone number and I called him. Hearing his voice brought all these feelings. I didn?t tell him that because I was a friend reaching out to another friend. We spent the first 2 hrs catching up on 10 years of our lives. He was very disappointed to hear that I was living overseas and I would not be moving back to the states for another 12 months. We both have 2 kids each, we both got married for the wrong reasons, and we both had never forgotten each other.

Let?s fast forward to the present. His divorce will be final in January. My divorce will take a bit longer since my husband is contesting everything. When everything is done and over with, we plan to move in and live the rest of our lives together. We are convinced we are soul mates. We still finish each other?s sentences, we laugh about the same things, and we talk on the phone for hours. I feel like I am 18 years old again. I love this man and I have never stopped loving him. We should have never parted ways back then. Nothing we can do about that now. All we can do is look forward to our future and our love. No use thinking of ?What if?s? and ?If only?s?.

We are convinced this is the real deal. We are soul mates and we plan to spend the rest of our lives together making each other very happy.

True love always works it's way back home Part 1
by: Honey Bunny

We were both 18 when we met in college. He was so handsome. He was tall and very intelligent. I introduced myself to him at the college library on a cold wintery day. Little did I know how much my life would change from that moment? I never expected to eventually become his girlfriend. He was my first real boyfriend. We had the most amazing time together. We could talk about anything and everything. We had so many goals and dreams. He used to call me ?Honey Bunny?. We spent all our time together. He made me so happy. I never pictured my life without him. I wanted to marry this boy one day and form a family.

One day he said he no longer loved me and we broke up. He still came around and we were always doing things together but without the title of ?boyfriend/girlfriend?. One day I decided it was time to cut the cord and move on. That was almost 18 years ago. I got married 15 years ago and lost touch. We found each other years later and met up for lunch once. The last time we spoke was in 2000. His girlfriend was going to have their baby and I decided it was time to let him go. He had found someone to love him and I was happy for him. I was married and had a 3 year old. I never told him how unhappy I was in my marriage. So it was time for both of us to move on.

The years went on and I would occasionally think about him. I would remind myself that I was once loved and cared for by him. It felt so nice to have been loved that way. I would occasionally check up on my former boyfriend through Facebook. I never contacted him because I could read from his posts that he was happy with his wife and kids. Contacting him was not an option for me. I knew better.

During these past 15 years my husband committed several transgressions over the years. He had an affair, told others he was a widower, I found him chatting and texting other girls. Then some months ago, I received a phone call from a disgruntled husband urging me to get my husband to stop chatting with his wife. That was the breaking point and I decided I wanted a divorce. I started telling my husband that?s what I wanted and he pretended everything would be ok. I would come around and change my mind. After all he had done so many things and I had stuck around. This time it was different I wanted out.

True love will find a way, no matter the length of time.
by: Anonymous

23 years ago I met a man that was everything according to my standards, he was very attractive, great personality and a God fearing man. I was convinced by a new guy who came on the scene the he was a better catch. He alleged that my love interest was not trust worthy, a womanizer, had no true interest in me. When you are 19 and young and all, you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. To make a long story short, he begged me not to leave him and proclaimed that my life with this other guy would be full of pain and misery.

After bearing 6 children, losing one child to crib-death, multiple affairs, disrespect, physical, mental and emotional abuse, I finally mustered some strength to leave him with my
children.

During these years I never reached out to find the man I so loved, respecting the fact I was married, but I always said a prayer of protection for him. After the separation of my marriage, he got word of, it contacted me. He spoke into my spirit that God would give me double for my trouble. He stated that he never stopped loving me and knew one day our love would return anew.

He has been divorced now for 19 years, I'm awaiting my divorce in the coming weeks. No one can tell me that love is not real. It is true that if you let love go and it returns to you, it was meant to be. Our love is genuine, sweet and serene. God has given us another chance for love. I thank God for hearing my cry and bringing my first love back just for me. Very soon we will be together again as ONE.

SIGNED
It ain't over till God says it over

Lost my soulmate, again
by: Facebooker

I came upon this site and your post just tonight. I am experiencing a similar situation. I started college 30 yrs. ago in the Northeast. Late November that year, I met her at the dorm. We became great friends and occasional lovers within a much larger circle of friends. Even though we lived at the same dorm, I went to a different college, as my college leased dorm space from her college.

Next year she lived off campus, but often stayed over at my room. I was completely infatuated with her but never said anything, as I did not want to jeopardize our great friendship. The next year my college ended leasing the dorm space and I also moved off campus with friends from my college.

That was it. Because we were at different schools, I never heard from her again. By the 1990s, I was on the west coast married; this decade, divorced and have 2 high school girls.

3 months ago, I find her on Facebook. I'm even semi-schocked she remembers me. We e-mail back and forth our stories. She is married with a boy in high school and one out of college. By a weird coincidence, both of us were going to be in nearby midwestern cities 2 weeks ago. Neither of us travel for our jobs and these were both 1-time trips. We met for dinner and drinks and before we left she says that she always felt the same way as I did. She even calls me her "soulmate". I have become euphoric.

Paradoxically, she clearly states she intends to stay married, but we began a 10 day whirlwind of cross-country texting/calling. I want to tell her we need to be more cautious, but I have lost any self-control.

3 days ago my 2 word text is answered with "he saw ur text, don't call, will call u tomorrow." 2 days ago, she calls me briefly to say she's sorry, but she can't contact me anymore and truly wishes things were different as she has always loved me. She even is going to send me a gift.

She hangs up and I look at the phone, feeling like I have lived in some west coast witness-protection program for 30 years. That was the life I could have had.

Daisy, thanks for letting me get this out. I know it hurts and truly hope you find your answer, too.

TO DAISY A FOUND-LOST LOVE
by: A FRIEND

DAISY, I READ WITH INTEREST, YOUR SITUATION THAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. I HAVE NO DOUBT THAT YOU AND HE WERE IN A WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP WHEN YOU WERE BOTH YOUNGER. THEY SAY THAT FIRST LOVE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT YOU'LL EVER EXPERIENCE. IT CAN MAKE YOU THE HAPPIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD.

BUT IT ALSO HURTS THE WORST WHEN IT ENDS. YOUR YOUNG AND TENDER HEART IS EASILY WOUNDED, AND LEAVES A SCAR THAT NEVER GOES AWAY. BUT IT IS ALSO A LEARNING EXPERIENCE, PREPARING YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. YOU LEARN HOW TO COPE WITH LOSS AND HOW TO FIND WAYS TO HANDLE THESE FEELINGS IN A WAY THATS COMFORTABLE.

WHEN YOU BOTH FOUND EACH OTHER AGAIN, MAYBE YOUR EXPECTATIONS WERE OVER THE TOP. YEARS HAD SURELY CHANGED YOU BOTH IN SOME WAYS. THEY SAY YOU CAN'T GO HOME AGAIN. I FEEL THAT YOU CAN'T GO BACK AND PICK UP, AND THINGS BE EXACTLY LIKE THEY WERE BEFORE.

MAYBE HE WAS HIDING FEELINGS FROM YOU. MAYBE HE WAS AFRAID OF BEING HURT, OR MAYBE HE'S STILL IN PAIN FROM SOMETHING HE DIDN'T TELL YOU ABOUT. GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO SORT IT ALL OUT AND SOME TIME TO LOOK AT ALL THE FEELINGS YOU EXPERIENCED.

LIFE IS COMPLICATED AT BEST. LISTEN TO YOUR HEART. LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND YOU MIGHT JUST FIND THAT THE ANSWER IS RIGHT THERE. YOU JUST OVERLOOKED IT. MY BEST TO YOU. MAY GOD BLESS AND MEET YOUR NEEDS.

Correction on story
by: Daisy

Let me please Expand on the "separation" of a 16 year marriage... I had filed for divorce 4 months earlier due to abuse of every kind.... I'm not one who takes marriage vows lightly. I still wore my wedding ring because I had no intentions of looking for another man or even giving the appearance I was available...

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Reuniting with first love after 20 years

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Reuniting with first love after 20 years