Reuniting with first love after 20 years

by Daisy

My story begins as a 36 year old woman going through a painful separation of a 16 year marriage...

I had not seen or heard from my first love from 14 years old for 20 years. One day he texted me he would be in town the next day and wanted to see me. He lives 1100 miles away. I agreed. I saw him for about 30 minutes before I had to go to work... Then he was gone again. We talked like no time had passed during those 30 minutes. After we parted, I felt a sadness I hadn't felt in a very long time. We had dated at age 13 yrs for 9 months, and were so in love. I had heard over the years from his cousin that he had never really gotten over me... He had said I was his one true love and he was now in his second failing marriage.

He planned another trip with his cousin, my best friend, to come to my home town again several months later. I planned to spend the weekend with them. I never saw coming the flood of emotions I would be opening up during that weekend.

I was very much in control of my heart the first day seeing him again. Then we all went out to dinner and a club. He was so caring, and sweet to me. Attending to my every need. Taking care of me when I had a little too much to drink. (I do not usually drink, so the alcohol really affected me) It was like old times being with him again.

Then with out warning he kissed me... I first pulled away, but then I couldn't any longer... The past 20 years of missing him and all my emotions hit me like a ton of bricks. He told me how I was the one he should have married, the wedding ring on my finger should have been his... That was it though. He was very much the gentleman with me. The next day he was very closed off to me. I never again saw that tender loving, caring man again towards me. He was guarded. He left again, but continued texting and calling me.

He asked to see me again, so I flew for the weekend to his town. We spent a magical weekend together... Talking and laughing like kids... He opened his heart to me about the years of pain he went through after he moved away and had to leave me behind. He told me I was the first true love, pure love he had ever had and the only one since...

When the weekend was over he dropped me off at the airport and left with barely a hug... I was so confused and hurt. I knew it was good bye for us, but didn't understand why.

Now it has been 2 months, and I don't hear from him any longer. I found out through his cousin that he never intended for us to be together again, now or ever. He has refused to tell me how he feels, has felt about me and what the past few months of "us" has meant or was to him. I'm so hurt and confused... How could I have been so wrong about him? He seemed so honest and sincere when we were together. I feel he misled me... I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to put this all behind me.

I never saw this coming.

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Dec 19, 2014
Take heart
by: Lexi1

I know you are really struggling with this Daisy as I would have and did in the past. I had a similar situation and can tell you that my first love and I went through similar absences of various durations, the last one fourteen years. We started speaking again when I contacted him after fourteen years. Spoke and became close for next five and then he determined that we couldn't be just friends and wanted to break the connection. A year and a half went by and I got sick and called him. Once again we are close and he is my dearest friend again with all the feeling of first love in play all over again. Only this time, I won't act on them because we are both married. But know this, some loves have invisible bonds that hold them together through the ether that neither time nor space nor other spouses can break up. Likely, you will hear from him again and he will be back.. Hold on to that. It happens. Sounds like you have that kind of relationship with him. I'm holding good thoughts for you.

Dec 19, 2014
5 Decades later....
by: Anonymous

Many things come between one and their first love....and life does go on, but not the way we wanted it. Now I have found out that both our hearts were broken, and our lives. It wasn't meant to be then, and it appears it may not be now. But hope is eternal and I pray daily that we may still have a few years when we can be together.....start together, end together. It would make all those in between years of other loves and family feel worth it in the end.

Dec 17, 2014
Will always love her
by: Unrequitedlove4ever

I met my first love more than 15 years ago. I was 19 she was 17. I never until then, and never since then loved any woman romantically as much as I loved her (including my now exwife). Not a day has gone by where I haven't thought of her. Our relationship deteriorated because of religion and people around her seeing that we were getting too serious. She is muslim and I was born hindu but consider my self spiritual but not religious or gnostic (not agnostic) but don't like titles, just ultimately except all religions as positive with universal knowledge in mind.

Regardless, after we broke up, she moved on pretty quickly to a muslim guy, they dated for a longtime and are now married with a child. I have a child too and have been divorced for about three and a half years. I stayed out of her way and we haven't communicated for ages. It was a huge chapter in my life that was left unclosed.

I have common friends with her and when I see pics of her or hear about her, I can't help but have the warmest feelings in my heart and smile ear to ear. I was bitter for a long time but there was a moment in my life where I overcame ego and pride to accept that I love her and always will. Since then, I have been a much happier and better man.

Recently we met at a common friends' child's birthday and my son was sitting in a room with her and her daughter. So when I walked in, it was just us four. We talked and it was an amazing feeling. I can't remember the last time felt so much life rush through me.

That was that until I met her dad recently. He was doing and interview on my business and I told him I knew his daughters and a few other people in their family. He didn't know I dated his daughter. Not long after I received a friend request from her on Facebook. I was taken aback because her husband had an issue with her talking to me. I accepted and a few hours later, she de friended me. I messaged her with a funny message and she wrote back saying she didn't send the friend request and maybe her dad sent it as her Facebook is always left logged in. We had a few laughs over messages and the last message I sent her lightly told her that she meant a lot to me and that hearing from her brightened up my day. I was not expecting anymore contact.

A few weeks later she Facebook messaged me for my email address and then emailed me asking if I would like to meet her for lunch. I accepted easily and I can't tell you how nervous I was in the days leading up.

We met a month ago and it was amazing, like not a day has passed since we last saw each other. It was so comfortable, so much fun, I felt so at ease. She said she would love to meet again. She said her husband is out of the country for 2 months but also mentioned good things about him so it doesn't sound like they are having issues. Now I am going crazy. I think in all of these years I have been love sick for her but after seeing her, I have feelings in my heart and gut and tears and lots of thoughts.

One time meeting her was just not enough. I just had to meet her again but felt it's unethical to initiate. I told her I'd let her take the lead on initiating another meeting but want to meet her again as soon as possible. Once is just not going to cut it.

I wanted to tell her the truth. That I love her, and I always have. That if she gave me her hand again, I would never let it go. Seeing her smile, talk, laugh, her mannerisms, they all melt me.

This was eating me. Should I not have met with her and saved potential heart ache and the current flipped upside down feeling I am having? I couldn't stop thinking about her!

She had always inspired me to write. I read through many things I wrote after our break up, before I met her, and it shows I was really a young man in love. What ever happens, it is all beautiful, but a part of me says that this person was my soulmate.

I was very confused, on top of the moon, massive butterflies in my heart and stomach, smiling, and also scared. Love is crazy!!!

Then last week, it was getting too much. She contacts me after so long and we don't talk about anything "heavy". I had to know if everything was alright with her (fair question) and I had to confess how I feel about her. Not to get her back, but just so she knows and it's off my shoulders (a little selfish, but this is a person I truly loved - my justification). regardless, I told her without being weird or too uncomfortable. No told her she was my first love and the love of my life. A burden has been lifted from my shoulders. She is so special to me that I can rest easy now that she knows. I still can't stop thinking about her though but I have accepted that will go on forever.

I am going to let her be now, as she is married and I don't want to be a jerk, it's not fair on her husband. I feel guilty though, because I would love if I could just give her the biggest hug and never let her go again. It feels so good to know I loved her this much. It feels good that I am not ashamed to admit it any more. She was very dear to me, and I am glad that I can hold my head up high and say it.

So I've let my love go. I'll let you know if it ever returns.

ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!

Nov 24, 2014
by: Anonymous

I meet my fl and was immediately blown away. We were 18 & 17 the strongest connection I've ever felt with someone. Of course young and stupid partied way too much, alcohol and drugs were involved so we made decisions that hurt each other. Arguments were crazy, and started to get more physical as the drinking was just out of control, I acted like a total jerk, and I was scared to lose her, And that came out in emotion, looking back after 15 yrs it's incredibly painful to know that she was and is the love of my life, and how much I screwed it all up, I've never had a problem being with someone lots of girlfriends since her, but I've always compared those girlfriends to her in my mind and it's never worked out with them. I don't know why I think about her so much? It's weird to feel so much for a person and them not know it
ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!

Oct 29, 2014
Still in love
by: Anonymous

Our story began just over 20 years ago. I had been divorced almost 2 years and he was separated and in the process of divorce. He had kids and I did not at the time. Our time together was beyond any emotion that I had ever felt, or have ever felt since. He was an awesome dad, which made me love him more. He was being transferred with his job, and we had planned on me going with him. I was in the process of trying to transfer my job as well when he decided to leave me, saying that he had to go back to his wife. They were days from their divorce. How could I fight when I knew how much he needed to be with his kids, and his kids needed a family. As painful as it was, and he wasn't very nice about it, I had to let him go. He still moved with his job, but would call me regularly and we would talk. He called one Valentines Day. I asked what he got his wife and he said just a book. He then said that their relationship is like a friendship they have to make work. Those words still haunt me. I actually felt sorry for his wife. I met my now husband and told my ex that we were getting married and moving away. He told me that he would find me years from then and not to be surprised if he ended up at my door. That was the last time we talked until 3 weeks ago. He called my house and my oldest daughter answered. He asked if she was a nickname only he called me. Of course she had never heard that and said no. He then asked her if she would have me call him. My whole body froze when I heard his name. I wasn't sure if I should call him, and almost didn't. I called,one, because I miss him, painfully, and two, because if I found out later that something was wrong, I would never be able to live with myself. The conversation was amazing, we talked and laughed and his voice made me melt. A few days later, he texted me and asked if I could meet him for lunch. I agreed, and when I saw him get out of his truck, every emotion came pouring right back. We hugged and his arms around me felt like home. He even said that I still fit perfect. We talked more and he then got serious. He said that he has tried, but never been able to get me out of his mind. He said he felt terrible for the way he treated me when he left me. I told him that as painful as it was, and still is, his kids needed him and they always come first. We both agreed that being apart has been painful and the feelings are all still there. I had to get back to work and we said goodbye. I have not heard from him since. The pain I have felt in the 2 weeks since I saw him has been just like it was the first time he left. He came into my life, shook me to the core and left me. Sometimes I feel sorry for his wife, that though he might love her, he has never been IN love with her. I think about my husband and how sweet he has been with my ex coming back around, and how incredibly lucky I am to have him be IN love with me. I don't know if my ex will ever call or text again, and that is okay. I will always love him, there is no doubt about that, and I know he will always love me. I know he is hurting too, I could see it in his eyes...he could never hide that from me.

Oct 12, 2014
True Love
by: Anonymous

I met my true love when I was 17 and he was 20. I knew from day one that he was the love of my life! We dated for almost a year and he had even given me a ring and wanted to marry me when I graduated high school. We had many life changing events that happened to us during our time together and we worked through it all! I got the opportunity to go to college and this was not part of his plan. He basically gave me a choice, stay with him or go off to college. I had wanted to go to this particular college since I was younger and had a profession picked at the early age of 10 and this was my one chance to follow my dreams. I chose college and lost him which was the hardest thing I had ever gone through! I thought he would come around, but he refused to give in and our love ended in our hometown.
I went to college and did all the things I set out to achieve, but was always missing "something". I did marry as soon as I graduated from college to a man that adored me. He was a great provider and even though I knew the love was not the same as my true love, I thought I could eventually change that feeling. After 5 years we had children and I've spent the past 16 years devoted all of me to them.
Now after 26 years my true love and I found each other again and after the very first contact, my heart went back 26 years and picked right back up where we left off! Though I don't know how our future will turn out, I do know that the love I have for him is like no other and I dream of a day when we can be together again! We both have decided that true love will find a way and with faith and the love we have, all things are possible. In the future I hope to write to you about our vows we made to one another on the beach hand and hand! Loving him is all I ever really wanted! I pray that it happens one day!

Oct 01, 2014
First lover reuniting after 14 years
by: Anonymous

I fell in love with my first love when I was fifteen years old. We dated off and on for five years with me ending it every time. I married when I was 20 to another man and had two children. My marriage was never right because I still loved my first love. I dreamed about him all the time and would hear that he was married and had a child. I thought that he was finally happy, so I tried to let him go. After 13 years of being apart, my mother called me and said that he had came by her house looking for me. He had given her his number and told her that he still cared about me. I was still married so I didn't call him for six months. Finally, I got the nerve and called him. He said that he had married again. My heart was broken. I let him go again so he could be happy. I had been miserable for nearly a year trying not to think about him. Then three months ago, I had a dream about him. I waited two days before I called him. His wife had left him. I tried to be friends with him, but ended up confessing that I still loved him. He said the same. I am getting a divorce now. We are dating but trying to take things slowly. I don't know what will happen, but I do know that I will always love him and he will always love me.

Sep 30, 2014
Souls Entwined
by: Broken Wing

I fell truly, madly, deeply in- love with my first love on the night we met as teenagers. I was his first love too. We had six glorious and wonderful years together and he talked often about us getting married.
Then, because of a misunderstanding over something he thought I had done (but hadn't) he fell into another woman's arms on the rebound and had a two year fling with her.
Heartbroken and not understanding the full story, I went overseas to put him behind me and heal my heart. I dated lots of guys to try and get over my FL, but it didn't work.
During this time, I kept dreaming of him. I felt like I couldn't get away from him, it felt like he was in my hair, under my nails, under my skin, just everywhere.
Finally, I came home and ran into him a couple of times and it was wonderful seeing him. While I was away, though he had gone back to this woman that he had had a fling with and I had been told, mistakenly, that he was married to her, so the times I saw him, I kept my heart guarded.
I still couldn't move on though, so I wrote him a letter to resolve the pain we had caused each other all those years ago, but I couldn't bring myself to post it, so in the end I burnt it.
I tried everything I could to move on but nothing worked.
Three years ago I woke up crying from another dream that I'd had of him, because this time the dream was different: I could hear him talking to me for the first time. A week later my friend phoned me and said that he had fb her and was asking about me. When I asked her when did this happen, we worked out that it was the exact same night that I'd had this dream.
This happened another two times. I realized that I needed to write to him, so I did and he FB me immediately. He came to see me twice and it was the most wonderful moment of my entire life. We were so happy. I fell in-love with him all over again and this time it was even deeper, even sweeter. I felt like I had come home, where I belonged.
He was planning to come and see me every week,but got annoyed with me as he was leaving because I didn't want an affair with him, although I told him I still wanted him to come and see me.( He's not married but still with that same woman.) I had planned to tell him the following week that I wanted to be with him, not in an affair though, but something much more than that. He never came back.
Ever since we connected on fb, we have played fb games for more than two years now, every single night, by his request. This is what keeps us connected.
But the pain of missing him is unbearable. He comes to me in my dreams and tells me things and I know things that are happening to him, even when and where he goes on holiday. He is my soul mate and the bond we have is incrediably strong. Nothing has ever broken that. Until last week..
I couldn't bear the emotional roller coaster that I've been on all these years and prayed that the bond between us would loosen. That's the worse thing I could have ever done. The pain I'm going through now is horrendous. This is far, far worse than a broken heart. I feel like I've killed him and my soul is dying too.
I have loved him for 35 years. Our relationship ended 28 years ago and so I've been having dreams of him for 28 long years. Missing him for 28 long years. Wanting him back for 28 long years. So to not dream of him again (and I've had over 200 dreams) would, quite literally kill me.
Can anyone tell me if they have also broken soul ties and have they been knitted back together again, with the same person?
Because I can't live, I can't live anymore if living is without him.

Sep 24, 2014
Fool N Love
by: Crystal No Not Clear

I feel so much better reading everyones' post. I thought I was the only one who was in-love with my first love. I met him in Jr High and my feelings have only gotten stranger for this man. We live to seperate lives and I have my family, so does he. I honestly thought my feelings would changup after I left.... I was being a mom and working full time. I was just MISSING MY TRUE LOVE, INTIMACY ,CONVERSATION and FEELING SAFE. He's back in my life, like he never left. We both now know how important the other person is, we don't take each other for granted. We've been emotionally tied to each other for 25 years....We are both 39!!!! Life changes at no advance notice, you can't help who you LOVE!!!!!!!!

Aug 15, 2014
The love I can never be with...
by: Anonymous

I was 14 years old and sooo in love. I was on and off with my boyfriend for over three years. My love for him never went away. One day it was like he just disappeared. I went on...married...had 3 children...brought a home with a white picket fence... But something was always missing... about 14 or so years later we reconnected.. Spoke everyday for hours on the phone.. texted... emailed... like we were teenagers.. 3 years later we are still talking all the time.. We have never seen each other face to face.. I live 2 hours away and my husband would not be too happy..he does not even know we connected... But when I speak to him my heart feels soo complete.. Once we hang up the phone.. that void comes back. I know we can never be together.. but it hurts to know that I am "just friends" with my soul mate.. But I will take him in my life any way I can. There is a completion about him being in my life. I just wish life would have turned out different.. and I was the one he was meant to be with. At times I think about it... Would my life be as perfect as the visions I always had... how perfect would it be to open my eyes and see the one I feel soo connected too laying besides me.. I will never know..

Jun 20, 2014
by: Anonymous


May 29, 2014
In love with lost love
by: Anonymous

My story is like lots of others, i met my ex boyfriend when we were 17 and 18, had a loving relationship, he was the love of my life, 3 years on and he started to change, staying he wanted to go out with his friends but wanted me for sex, he eventually left me and soon got over me and met someone else, i was so heartbroken i never got over it, he was my soulmate, i remember seeing him out when i was with friends and my heart skipped a beat, how i longed to be with him, time passed and i met my husband and had 3 children but my heart always belonged to my ex, i found out he married and had to boys, this broke my heart to as we always spoke about having children together and what we would name them.
4 months ago, 30 years on i found him on facebook and sent him a friend request but deleted it as i was scared he would want to talk to me but a month later he popped up on chat saying Hi, how are you, i've been trying to contact you, my heart skipped another beat and we have started the sordid online affair which is sending me crazy, i think we are both getting obsessed with it, we can never be together as we live in opposite parts of the world , me in england and him in australia,i have found out that his wife recently died and he is grieving for her but he still wants to talk with me, the conversations have gone from being friendly to sexual and the memories we are sharing are unbelievable, he has even shown me a picture of his diary he kept at 17 where he it shows how much he loves me, i am a broken woman with so many feeling going on, i so much want to be with this man but know it can never be,i'm finding my self crying listening to old records that remind me of him and he's saying he's listening to the same ones, were so messed up it's unreal, i will just have to be strong and hope it will come to an end soon as i could never risk hurting my family but i do dream of being with him one day.

Nov 13, 2013
response to Scott
by: Anonymous

So what are you going to do? I hear you say you've messed up but still love her, chances are she still loves you too, but is soo hurt over things. whether or not you get back together sounds like you need to do some soul searching and repairing for you first. You have a child together so I take it you will still see her. It may still be raw but take some time out buddy.

Oct 20, 2013
your reunitment with X
by: Anonymous

I don't believe you where used in anyway. It may have been some loss of the chemistry you 2 shared long ago.. that couldn't be totally brought back.
Bringing souls together is a magical thing only Jesus is able to grant. I am going through a similar experience it's a bit weird, I have mixed emotions because someone in my past came back as well. We have a ton of common interests, sharing quality time is great & I have not lost the physical attraction towards him, but it just seems uncomfortable at times, We end up talking about past times and my x, I strongly can't handle it.
He is a gentlemen very easy to set on a thrown and cater to his every needs.
# 1 I have an issue with giving my all to anything I set my mind on, so I really want to use caution not to become obsessed again. I am really not completely over the last twenty year marriage either, So some confusion comes like: do I really want to get in deep again, The pain isn't even gone.
I want to stay out because I cant commit completely and its wrong to let this gentlemen not get everything he's desires.

Sep 12, 2013
Twin souls Two with corrections
by: Anonymous

Whilst in the airlines I met an incredible guy who was also s pilot also. He really wanted me and waited 1 whole year for me to shake this off but I could not. I would have had it all with him. It makes me sad that I could not be that girl for this new guy but my heart was somewhere else. I left the industry and worked for various firms until I met an incredible man that I could see myself with but he moved to the Middle East. He is extremely wealthy and I stayed in touch with him I felt drawn to him and an attachment to where he had moved to but never visited him there as I was not sure about the cultural barriers. We have seen each other in the western world. I applied for an airline in that country but fate intervened and I did not get the position despite my strong qualifications which baffled me but I found out only this year that my FL had gone to the exact same airline the same year I would have got in. I do not have to work to be with this new man but I wanted to maintain my independence. He really respects me and the timing has not been right for us to truly get together but then I found out about my FL being in that same country and I just cannot seem to get away from
these connections. I once saw them in a city that is so busy that the chances of us crossing paths was so slim but I noticed her & I will never forget her it is that sort of connection I have with her now since that fateful day at the airport.
I do not know if he is still married but I made contact via Facebook as I was not clear on whether he was or not or maybe I am hopeful he is single again. I never knew if he did fall for me & simply push me away because it was all to hard or whether he felt he was holding out for something better. I know he said I was perfect and the gift I have him in my purity would have blown him away. It belonged to him because he planted that seed of desire for him in me. He will never know how much I did desire & still do desire him. He has missed out on the greatest passionate love of his life as far as I am concerned. Maybe he did not have what it takes to sustain that sort of passion in his life. I never consummated any other relationship with a man except for him. I am an extremely romantic person and love to me is the most important thing. I held out for it only to have my heart broken. I wonder why we even met maybe it was just a test but I know that we shared the same dreams and I remember listening to him talk and I felt like he was my twin soul. I am ready to move on with life now but I will always love him. It was real for me.

Sep 12, 2013
Twin Souls One with corrections
by: Anonymous

I contacted via Facebook my FL too. Have not heard back yet and may never but I know what I felt was real. We met on the last week of my holidays and I really did not expect someone who would break my heart. Things moved way to fast because of the limited time we had and although I wanted to make love to him I put the breaks on as it was all happening so fast. I left with so much sadness & way to much unsaid. He seemed to realise that hanging onto to this long distance was near impossible. I went back 1&1/2 years later but things were not quite the same I guess to much rationalising happened. We ended up sleeping together at good-bye I was a virgin so he felt really bad about that but he had a real problem with the distance and he pushed me away. He was a pilot and I was a stewardess so years later we ended up working in the same airline but never ran into each other until the day he was due to leave the country with his fiancée for good. I heard she hated the country and wanted him to leave and go back to where they had originated from. I guess he felt he owed her so he left the airline he always wanted to work for. On his flight out with her my schedule had me rostered to be at the same airport they were leaving from but I thought we would be ships passing in the night but my aircraft was 2-3 hours late and the timing brought us face to face but I was able to walk away as if I did not notice him but I had. I felt so happy for having glimpsed him that minute second. did not notice her but she was there and she walked outside to where I was standing and was within metres of me and I do not know why but she looked at be like she knew who I was. Maybe he had told her about me I do not know but there was not enough time it all happened to fast. I put it down to women's intuition. I guess she felt my feelings for him even though she had no reason to I was just some stewardess in an airport. What he felt I have no idea. I know he did care for me but whether love was ever in the equation I will never know. She was not what I expected and I felt like a super model next to her because I was so tall and she was surprisingly very short. She was a simple girl but seemed very insecure to me. Part 2 is below.

Jun 20, 2013
Heart breaking
by: Scott

My story is quite tragic. We were together for 1 years when we 17. This was 1987. I wasn't a nice boyfriend and acted like a immature wanker so she dumped me. I was gutted and after 2 years went travelling. She was always in my thoughts and I never really had another relashonship. A friend bumped into her in 1995 and I got her number and called. She was living with another man but we went out and I knew I loved her still. Unfortunately she decide she didn't want it and I got hurt again. I again went abroad to work but never ever stopped loving her. In the year 2000 I found her sister on friends reunited and asked her about my first love. She then contacted me and we began a email friendship. She had a son and was expecting another child. I came back to the UK and tried to see her but she refused. Now you would think by now I would have gave up right??? But no I went abroad to work and after the London bombings I called her! She said she was single and was living literally 2 minutes from my mothers house. I came back and see her. Well it was the best feeling ever and we fell in love very quickly and had a child. Fast forward 4 years together and it starred to go wrong. I never got on with her son and I became not a nice person to live with. I moved out and we both bought seperate houses but continued to see each other. Now I'm afraid it it over and I'm utterly devastated as it was mostly my fault. She has moved on and I'm left destraught. It's had been 3 months now and I will never get over it. I know I cannot love again and I'm 42. It's so sad and I will die a lonely old man because of my stupid attitude. I have tried everything to get her but to no avail. I have to see her every week when I pick my son up and my heart bleeds constantly. I don't expect any sympathy but it's i so hope with all this history she and I will be together at some point again

Jun 07, 2013
My love for my wife!
by: Ryan

I was an extremely LUCKY man! I got to marry my first love, we were High School Sweethearts. My wife was 16 when we got together and I was 18. I can honestly say that, I knew she was the One after 1 month. I even asked her to marry me on Prom night that year. We were Soulmates, we would finish each others sentences and we always knew that we would grow old together. That was until the day I lost her. She passed away 2 months before our 20th Anniversary. It's been 2 years and I still cry myself to sleep every night. The only thing that keeps me going is our 3 beautiful children. Without them I don't think I would be here writing this. There are no words that can explain how much I Love & Miss her. She was my Soulmate & Best Friend. My Connie, I will always Love You with all of my mind, heart, body, & soul! Always & Forever!

May 09, 2013
First Love Ignited By Phone Call After 15 years
by: Anonymous

I am so confused.I met my first love when I was 15 and it was love at first sight for me but he was 23;8 years older than me and his sister was my best friend.He avoided me but I practically spent all my free time there cos my parents were separated at the same time I fell for him. Then at 18 and he 26 he suddenly became interested in me.I lost my virginity to him and worshiped him.I thought we would be together forever.Everyone including his sister knew how deeply in love we were.But along the line he cheated and was so insecure and jealous when I talked to any guy even though I gave him my all.At 21 I let him go and fell for another guy but the relationship was platonic.3 months later I tried to look for my ex and I missed him so bad but we never got to see.My baby brother died and he came to console my parents but I unfortunately wasn't home when he came.I would see him occasionally but he was always guarded. Fast forward 4 years later he got married.I haven't seen him in 14 years.I am married to a good guy with 2 kids and God is so important to me but 2 years ago he friended me on face book and I felt so much joy seeing him.Strangely I emailed him asking him to forgive me for leaving even though it wasn't a healthy relationship. But he never responded.Recently he would send me messages of how much he missed my baby face and all of sudden I started thinking of him.For the last 15 years I saw him in my dreams and we are always happy in these dreams but I wake up sad and realize I still love him deeply. I had his number and decided to call but dropped quickly then my husband and I decided to fast for 3 days and I slept and dreamt of my first love again.I was naked and deeply needed to see him but his sister my former BFF said I wrecked and broke his heart and I woke up crying.I decided to call him and in tears cried and asked him to forgive me I also asked why he never fought for us.I told him I didn't sleep with any guy till when I found out he got married.I was grieving and really sobbing.He said he followed me around for 3 years but his low self esteem prevented him from telling me how much he loved me.His voice was low and I felt he was holding back tears.He is 2 continents away so we cant see but I told him I need to know he's okay and that we had to be friends at least and he said he would never lose contact again.I barely mentioned my husband who is my best friend and the best guy in the world and he never mentioned his wife.So confused that my fasting to God revealed how deep a soul tie I had to my first love.I wept for hours when he dropped yet I felt happy.In my mind I now realize he still owns me.What do I do?I want to see him but I am married and so is he.How can a 15 year old wounds come back full force.First love is unbreakable.May God help me.

Apr 23, 2013
In Response to Eddy
by: Anonymous

Your wife has her first love romanticized. I guarantee... meeting in a coffee shop just fanned the flames of a fantasy. Hearing that someone regrets how they treated you... sharing intimate memories that only the two of you shared... it is all very romantic.
NOTHING that reflects on you at all! IF... the shoes had been placed in another direction and she had known you and you had been the one who had gotten away... you better believe that she would be mourning over you all of these years later and more so because you treated her so much better.
Right now she is not just pining over HIM~ She is mourning her youth... that time in her life that held excitement and the unknown.
They think that men are the majority that go through mid life crisis... I am a prime example of the empty nest with the baby feathers still stuck to the bottom... all my birdies have flown away... kind of thing. My husband lost an amazing job due to the economy and we thought something would have broken by now...which he is working to have happen but it's not yet and we are at the end of our money...
My FL is very successful and talked about getting married in Hawaii... He was ready to offer me the moon! It took my breath away just fantasizing about it all.
But in the end... the honeymoon only lasts for a week or two!
Plummeting down to earth to be objective again is always what usually happens.
I GET that her FL died and so you don't get to see that she chose you. But she did. For all of these years she did choose you. Thirteen years ago, she chose you. She could have left then.
As I said, I guarantee if the roles had been reversed and you left her... she would be looking back right now realizing the huge mistake she made and mourning you! It is a woman thing. It is romantic to wonder what if. But she knows the what if she left you would have been much more painful because she loved you more. She stayed with you. Allow her the pain and the fantasy that she never wanted you to know.
I GET how you are feeling because I am jealous. I want to be number one! The most loved. And for the one I am with to have no regrets! To be the chosen one!
You really and truly are. It's just a girl thing ~ she is a romantic. Her FL died and so did her youth in a way. Give her some space... she will come around. I did.

Apr 23, 2013
To Anonymous & Sorry to Pain Anyone
by: Eddyj

Thank you for sharing your hears with me. Thank you for your honesty too.
I guess i will never know the depth of her love for her first lover. They were together from age 16 to 21 and i have always wondered what Scripture meant when it says "the two shall become one flesh". Did the oneness happen the day she lost her virginity to him hence her statement "he still has a place in my heart" ? Perhaps God did play a part in the Pastor sending me the text message after all.
Doubt is a terrible thing to deal with.Perhaps if i did not receive that text message, i would not be in this sad position. Sadly,when i question anything now, she goes on the offensive and "selective memory" kicks in! This does not help my situation at all. I believe that the truth would set us both free ! It may be painful to hear the detail but it would be better for her own healing.
The women are always sharing their First Love Stories on this wonderful Forum- how come the men are so quiet? Thank you ladies.Eddyj

Apr 22, 2013
To EddyJ
by: Anonymous

My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine standing in the same shoes where you stand. I am never would tolerate a tenth of what I did to my husband.
I also think that part of my problem was that my ex-husband died a few years before my FL friend requested me on facebook and I had not dealt with that grief. It was easier for me to focus somewhere else. My poor husband had already dealt with my kid's father and my fourteen year marriage with him. He shared holidays with him etc... When he died it was a shock to all of us and though my husband had a friendly relationship with my ex. I am sure he thought "Finally... maybe it will be my turn now."
And then this FL fiasco pops up.
He has been a saint. Believe me!
I do have to say that our marriage counselor kept asking why he was putting up with me. I never would have. Maybe there is always a more selfish one in every relationship. I do feel that in over 50 % of marriages there is always one that loves a little more than the other.
All I can say is that your wife and I are the blessed ones.
And I don't blame you for being as angry as any oozing wound might be! I'd be on fire!
The thing I do know is that we can't always control our feelings and yet time does not just heal old wounds they make us smarter.
I began to look at both of my past relationships and realize that the man who was married to me now was one to be cherished. And that my marriage counselor was right... If you are going to make it work... (your marriage that is) there is not room for three on the marriage counseling couch...ghosts or still living.
I will pray that your wife wakes up before you do.
I also would like to point out... not to jump so fast to the the conclusion that THAT Pastor copied you on accident!
God works in mysterious ways and it is better to have it all out on the table in order to rebuild or decide what you want to do.
They guy is dead. So really, the ball is in your court.

Apr 19, 2013
by: Anonymous

I am sorry for the hurt that anyone feels due to thier significant other having love for thier first love. I do still love mine. I always have. And neither marriage nor children could take it out of my heart. I love my husband. He is my best friend. But I cannot deny that I married him because I wanted to be married and have children and I was tired of waiting for my first love to forgive himself and me for not fighting for us. I believe strongly in fate and everything happening for a reason. I am suppose to be with my husband. If I am to be with my first love...I will be. I am not waiting for a destruction of my marriage or my husband. I just think that life will carry us to places we need to be at the time we need to be. Maybe not this much as that pains much as that may pain some of you to see these words. I am not going to be selfish and destroy my family for the what if..even if I know how we feel. AND maybe that makes me a jerk. Maybe. I just know that my first love is unhappy..perpetually because he did not go after what he knew was right when the opportunity was there. SO, everything does happen for a reason...but is our OWN doing. That does not mean we are not good people and that we don't love our significant other. It is just a different kind of love. And I will not hurt my husband. And staying with him though I feel my soul belongs with a lot less painful to him than me just leaving.

Apr 18, 2013
Thanks Diane
by: Eddyj

Thank you for putting things in perspective for me.
Thirteen years ago i too allowed my wife to have a chat with her FL over a cuppa at a Coffee Shop in the hope that she would get closure after 26 years.Ironically, the coffee shop was called The Olive Branch !!
She confronted him with facts about his infidelity before they parted in 1974 and he was dumb struck by what she knew !
What i can't understand is that some folk go back for more punishment sometimes even though the parting was hurtful!
We did not attend his funeral in August,2012 but i know in her heart of hearts, she really wanted to be there.When our Pastor friend informed her that his organs had gone into failure as i mentioned yesterday, she messaged him and told him that he,the Pastor ,had to :
"ensure that he is ready to meet God as he still has a place in my heart" Well, the Pastor erroneously copied me in and you can imagine what this did to me after 38 years ! We had been married for 34 years then!
I am still hurting and i often wonder if she really loves me or her FL !

Apr 17, 2013
To The man whose wife's FL passed away
by: Anonymous

I also had a horrible parting from my FL and he never had a good marriage or relationship after we broke up. Two years ago he found me on FB and asked for forgiveness.
There is a much longer story... but I did more than your wife just mourning the loss of her FL. And it was as if I was in an out of body experience the entire time. My FL is still alive. And would marry me in a hot second if I just said the word.
I am not proud of my disregard for everything about me that even I knew about myself. I love my husband and I thought I pretty much hated my FL. My husband allowed the contact in hopes of me getting closure. For yes, even three decades later, some old wounds take a long time to heal. I always hated cheaters. I never in a million years would have ever dreamed I would be one... I mean in my wildedst dreams.
My husband and I went to marriage counseling for a year. But he let me work it out in my head. I know... I am blessed. I hurt him horribly and he took me back. For someone looking for romance how romantic is it for a man to put his own feelings aside and still love me through it all.
My feelings for my FL had nothing to do with my love for my husband. In the end it only made me see how lucky I was to have ended up with my husband.
Your wife most likely was mouring her youth. Not rejecting you.
Be patient. You have every right to be hurt. But you are the bigger man and she will see it more clearly if you just love her through it!

Apr 17, 2013
After 38 years !
by: Anonymous

My wife parted from her first love -the man who took her virginity,39 years ago. She never really had much contact with him during his two failed marriages.She heard that he had terminal cancer early last year and suddenly she felt great compassion for him although they did not have a happy parting at the time.He married his first wife 3 months after they parted in 1974.She actually cried when she heard that his organs had collapsed and death was imminent. He passed away later that week in August last year.Her reaction blew me away !
I am still depressed by her reaction and i have very low moments wondering if i was just a good substitute after 35 years of what i thought was a good marriage.I now know that you cannot break the emotional tie from the guy who takes your virginity.Perhaps this will put another perspective on why you should be careful before making contact with your first love !

Apr 15, 2013
Live To Tell
by: Anonymous

Daisy, you should have looked for him right away. If you had, and the ember was still in his heart, you wouldn't be here. Listening to your voice alone would have rekindled his love for the first love of his life. Now, pardon him and forgive yourself.

Jan 31, 2013
Guardian angel
by: Anonymous

I lost a best friend, she came into my life when I need her the most. It was a dark time in my life I lost my father my ex-girlfriend walked all over me like I was a rug, I was giving up all hope, I had my best friend turn his back on me for her too : I felt alone and powerless, even a lot of my family turned their back on me and I didn't even know why? Rockbottom pretty much; I was very numb. Then a miracle, out of left field a beautiful lady came into my life. She came into my life she began to get to know me, it was like she could hear me without me making a sound. She came in and held me up. I Needed her at the time and I didn't even know it. She helped give me my hope back, she made me stronger. I fell in love with her, she was so kind to me. I won't get into details about everything we did, but I can tell you I have never felt about another woman than I did about her. Just as it started it ended, but looking back now I'm glad it did. I am I very optimistic person now, I'd never would have thought it. It could have been this and that but, being in there and thinking about it I've come to the conclusion that god sent me a guardian angel is the best way I can describe it, she would probley say "no I'm not" or laugh in like how we talked to each other. I'd still would believe the first conclusion.

Dec 19, 2012
From Grief to Letting Go
by: Love & Light

I held on to resentment for 35 years because he dumped me when I was 16 for another girl. It turns out I am the love of his life, but I could never forgive him. The moment I let go of that anger I was flooded with the fact that I loved him like no one else... he was my true love. At 16 I never shed a tear. Those tears came a few days after we talked. I had been waiting everyday for his next e-mail or phone call. In our writing we both poured our hearts out...he told me several times that he Loves me and ALWAYS will. We had both said we longed to be together, but would not continue our relationship at this pace. I became heart broken and cried for the young girl that was dumped and because I missed him for who is was to me now. I wanted a RELATIONSHIP. It was never going to happen. I am getting over it and have since realized that my husband loves me the way I need to be loved. He makes love to me always, not just sex. He only has eyes for me. I don't think my Ex could love me how I need to be loved. I refuse to hold on to a fantasy. It's time to let go. Day by day. Intention and asking God for help is everything.

Dec 13, 2012
by: Anonymous

I keep thinking, there was a reason. There had to be. Aren't things supposed to always go the way they go for a reason?

Dec 12, 2012
After 11 years
by: HoneyBunch

I am happily married for 2 years and I ran into my first love of my life and first in every way about a month ago, we exchanged emails. Since then we have been exchanging emails, a few calls and a lunch date. Everything was fine until he talked like if everything happened yesterday and sitting across form him I felt like if we were the same people 11 years ago. We are both married, but secretly I wish I could be with him.

Sigh- why did I ever let him go...........

Dec 05, 2012
Still having heartbreak
by: Anonymous

Lately I have finally been moving on. I have a boyfriend who is soooo perfect for me but I can't love him. I'm trying so hard but the feelings just aren't there. My ex boyfriend/ first love contacted me about 2 weeks ago and we have non stop been talking. It feels like we are back together even though I'm sure this situation is way too good to be true. He says he still loves me but not as much and I feel like I completely still feel the same way. We broke up becuase I cheated on him and I can honestly say it was the worst mistake of my life. We dated for 6 months and I feel 100% that we would still be together to this day if I wouldn't have screwed up. Although I am completely sorry for what I did I don't think he will ever forgive me. I am trying to move on but I know I still love him and its soon hard I want to feel like he made me feel again. Life isn't fair and it sucks. Am I messed up because I completely feel like I am!

Dec 04, 2012
Re uniting after20 years
by: Anonymous

Its been 23 years and I still love him,He was my first love, I did not know what love was never had of that before till he came into my life, oh what an amasing man, then we lost contact because he was 15years older and I could not introduce him to my parents because of the age gap, I kept hiding ofcourse I was yong to start dating, but could not hide how I trully loved this man.I thought I would move on find a younger guy and continue with my life, Ha! gues what it never worked, I kept changing man hoping to find someone like him still no luck, I got married eventualy thought to myself the stom is finally over, my husband whom I thought was an angel sent from above after crying so much, life went on and on I forgot about my past and moved on,had kids and so on, to cut a long story short, I fell sick one day and I was hopsitalised for depression gues what, in that time he was searching for me asking for my whearabouts from friends and relatives and eventualy got my cellphone number and he contactred me, in that state of mind I never thought he would still love me but he did, he was the reason I overcame depression,by the way the guy is also married got married more than 3times I guess,it has never being easy for me to forget about this guy up to this day we still love one another though we are both marrired staying with our partners, so guys if people are trully meant to be together nothing and no one will stop that from happening true love always find it way out

Nov 22, 2012
Nothing but kids
by: Anonymous

Your story is very emotional, i'm going through the same thing. After two years of talking and seeing my first boyfriend a couple of times, I see that things sometimes stay the same. That no matter how much love it's shown circumstances still get in the way.. I learned the hard way , it is what it is. Love and cherish your memories but remember after so many years, everything remains as that.....just memories....

Nov 15, 2012
Love the new format!
by: Anonymous

I love the new format here! (Dated posts)
NOW I can actually see the most recent post without scrolling all over the place!

Nov 15, 2012
by: Anonymous

My husband raised my kids as his own. Is an amazing Christian man and we had our days of passion in the beginng. Maybe I am just a selfish pathetic person looking for my next high...
Anyway, I eventually came clean... and I realize now that I probably dodged a speeding bullet by not ending up with my first love. He had many demons because of his childhood and made many mistakes with his children who are all pretty messed up if the record be told. His wife won't have anything to do with him except take his money and even she seems to do that begrudgingly only because she has no other resources. And yet I have discovered how damaged he was as a child and I hurt for him. I love him and I want the best for him and yet I had to end it. We were falling into our old patterns... he was texting me and I was replying even long after I had told him I was not leaving my husbane.
Next week, my husbnad and I will celebrate 19 years of marriage. I cringe at realizing just how much I almost gave up in the name of a fantasy... because my dear... the grass is not greener. The high is the newness... the what if ... the fantasy... but you guys will still have bills to pay... toilet seats to put down and now... baggage of both your lives... and other people that are innocently caught in the fact that you made your choice when you didn't end up together the first time and you chose to go on and marry other people.
Cold Turkey is the best way... I just had to stop the madness... once you finally end it... you will never forget... but don't be like me... I went too far. And by the grace of God... and my husband's forgiveness and love for me which I don't deserve... I am here to encourage you to stop living in a fantasy...
Oh yeah and thinking you will end up together... we went that route too... but how do you intend to manage that? Divorce someday? Death? Wow, if that's the case let your poor husband off the hook. I sure wouldn't want to be living with someone who was just biding their time until I croaked... And I am not judging you... believe me... I needed a good shaking myself. May God bless you and I promise it does get better... Remember love is not a feeling... it is a choice that can find that feeling again... Remember why you fell in love with your husband before bills and babies and go there again!

Nov 15, 2012
by: Anonymous

I am not a liar. And I judged cheaters with a vengence. Oh my gosh, you would not believe it. I was blown away recently, when our friend cheated on his wife. It devastated so many people, his family, his friends... and I was right there booing him.
But it happens so slowly... so innocently... like you said.. just a closure... even in the beginning of our facebook messages, my daughter who I happened to share the innocent exchange with said... :"Mom, it doesn't look as if he is looking for closure." Ahh my wise little girl...
Well, it could have ruined my life. We wondered if we had gotten counseling when we were engaged, if we could have worked out... we talked about our childhoods and how we were a product of them... how if the adults in our lives had butted out, things would have been different... the fact is... that we both were married, he for insurance purposes only... not living together for like I said 20 years... and me.... stuck in a rut... with bills and dirty laundry and a job going no where... he made me feel desired and young and fun and oh so beautiful... and it was a drug. We talked for hours... we connected like no one ever has with me... I was writing a book about us... from before he even contacted me... he read it aloud... recorded it for me... sent me secret gifts... paid for things for me... he was successful and he gave my dad who had since died all the credit for opening the first door in his career for him... so many things that tied my heart strings to him... his mom died while we were together... only we knew each other's parents... all who came after were clueless...

Nov 15, 2012
This is in response to Soul Mate Nov 15...
by: Anonymous

I could have written your post. It has been two years since my first love facebooked me. It started out because he wanted to ask for forgiveness. Like you, I needed answers and the ones he gave me were like sacks of gold. I have a letter he wrote me that outlined everything. It was the most amazing thing I could have asked for in way of healing. My heart had been broken. We broke up over and over again. It was the most romantic movie making kind of romances you could ever imagine. NO screenwriter could have come up with the memories and heartbreak... Not even Danielle Steel... (smile)
When he came back, my nest was empty. I missed my daughter especially. My exhusband had just passed away who at the moment, I was heartbroken over even though as you I was married. Still am.
The facebook messages became emails, the emails became Instant Messages and then phone calls and texts... and those became like a drug. I needed my fix... more and more... the talks soon became plans to meet... I lost weight... I mean after all I was not the 110 pounds he remembered... and believe me... he wasn't either. When we met, he was old!!! I was too... lol.. I mean 30 years is a long time... but some of the shallowness of me was disappointed... At first his kisses were awkward... he hadn't kissed anyone for 20 years... But after practice... and closing my eyes.. I was swept back to another time. We met twice.

Nov 15, 2012
soul mate
by: Anonymous

I am married. I married my best friend. I really did. I have a first love. He is and always has been my soul mate. I know he feels the same, however, as stated, I am married and he will not interfere as he should not. We decided we needed to catch up, though I thought, why am I doing this? What do we need to catch up on? Oh, just everything, but mostly, I needed to know why. Why he did not fight for me. Why he did not follow through on everything we knew should be true and WHY for all this time, I still love him madly. He could totally be a different person at this point. Am I a victim of the grass is greener? I think not, but I guess it could be so.
When we met up, the questions were answered, the thoughts were orated and now I am completely and utterly obsessed with him yet again. We both agreed that we would be together someday, many moons from now...I was able to mash down the feelings after I had my first child, but there he was, popping back into my life and thoughts again. Don't get me wrong, I do love my husband, but it is not the same. I could say it was giddy teenage love, but when we sat together again, chatting, it was like we were grown and still teenagers. You know what I mean? I dream of him. I pray my dreams will make everything clear. I pray that I can find some way to remove him from my brain or be with him without harming my family. How selfish can I be? I just want to feel complete, I know my soul is joined with his. Can't say how I know, I just do.

Nov 11, 2012
Still have feelings
by: Anonymous

When I was in 5th grade I used to like a boy in my class. I still remember looking at him and thinking he was the best looking boy I've ever seen. There was something different about him compared to the other boys. I looked at him differently and thought about him differently. I was so young at the time. I always was so attracted to him.

That was 34 years ago.

Six years ago I bumped into him at an event and our eyes met. Though I did NOT recognize who he was at that moment, I was completely attracted to him and thought he was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. He took my breath away and I loved the way he was looking directly into my eyes from across the room. I wanted to know who he was.

A little bit later, I saw him standing next to me, smiling at me. We started talking and I found out that he was the same person that I spoke of earlier! He said that he knew who I was when he first saw me.

We spent the night having drinks and talking.
Long story short, we ended up spending the best night of my life together.

I believe something happened. Something I never felt before for any other man. I do feel like I fell in love with him that night. Since then I have thought about him every single day. Not one day has gone by since that I have not thought about him.

I know he did not want me to go. I didn't want to either. But I had to because of other reasons.
Now I regret leaving him and I have to live with the fact that I may never have a chance to tell him everything that I feel for him.

Nov 04, 2012
First Love, True Love Part 5
by: Rho

After dropping him off to the airport for his HK trip, I started counting, and wishing him all the best. On that last night we spent together in the hotel, he was vocal of his hesitations, whether to stay or go. I wanted to kiss him long enough for him to stay, but I didn't want to be selfish. I knew everything was planned well. This is his life, a career perhaps. But I won't be and will never be a hindrance to his future plans. I was hoping for a message requesting me to pick him up from the airport after a month or less. I was stunned when I saw his FB photos in UAE. I realized, when he said he'll be back in two years while on our way to the airport, it was for real.

While he was in Dubai, he would post photos with friends, and saw one of these with his ex girlfriend. Since I was left hanging, with no status, neither commitment, I decided to ask. "Did you get back together with your ex girlfriend? Are you working there in Dubai?" It was the first time for me to confront him with such questions, and he didn't like it. He sarcastically answered, "yes, yes, yes!, happy?". That was the last time he communicated with me, 18th of June, 2012.

This broke my heart into pieces. It was a lot more painful than the first time he broke my heart. Tears kept rolling down my face. If these tears could only wash away the pain, the heartaches and sadness, I can cry rivers.

Still, being a hard headed that I usually am, I continued waiting. I waited for him to communicate with me again, but it didn't happen. I waited for him to request a pick up from the airport, again, but it didn't happen.

He's finally home. But I didn't get any message from him. I just saw several photos of him with different groups of friends, in various venues. Again, this tore my heart into pieces. He's been in the country for 5 days now, and heard nothing from him. I died a hundred times. I kept thinking, do I really deserve this pain? Will I ever live again?

Nov 03, 2012
My True Love story
by: Anonymous

My true love and I meet in high school as freshaman we where together over 6 mos and it was amazing.. we lived far apart. We only saw each other at school. He was the quarterback on the football team and i was the girl on the swim team. the whole school. wanted us apart and there pushing worked.. the coaches as me scared I was going to get expelled if I did not leave him .. The threats worked.. I was young and scared.. I caused a huge fight and walked away .. it was the biggest mistake I ever made. The next summer he moved away.. we still had the same friends and we chated on the phone once or twice. I saw him like one time before i moved out of the state but I tired to still keep connected with him. When I found out that i was going to be a mother i got scared and called him, he was my safety net.. he said good you got what you always wanted and hung up..Years later I got married and moved on..I have had 5 kids but he was on my mind. I looked up on a few friends on Facebook and his best friend still wanted to chat and see what was going on.. that went on for a few mos and ever time we chatd he always asked how I was and I always asked how he was. One day his best friend said enough you two need to talk .. And I was like I am not sure if he wants too. he did finally get us to talk when my true loves father died.He called and we have been best friends ever since.. recently things has drastically changed.. I cant believe I am doing this but he lives 12 hours away and my friends and I are planning a road trip to visit him. I am scared and that when he sees me I am worried that he wont feel about me. Its strange that I know He can hurt me.

Oct 31, 2012
reuniting with first love after 20 years
by: Anonymous

I know and understand how you feel, the man never mislead you, I think he wants you to decide before making wrong desicions ,firtstly you are married, him getting to emotionally attached will make things difficult for you in the house, give him a call dont be afraid afterall you know how you feel about this man remember what they say, true love never fails, Good luck

Oct 23, 2012
True love will find a way
by: Hopeful Romantic

Your story gives me hope. The fact that you are back together after 32 years is magical. God has blessed you. Wish you both happiness!

Oct 22, 2012
Together again after 32 years
by: Anonymous

I understand and I am praying for you and myself as I am back together with someone who I dated 32 years ago. We have both been in unhealth relationships. This time we hope things will be different..I pray that God is giving us a second chance.


Oct 21, 2012
To Lost My Soulmate Again
by: Anonymous

I can tell you right now... it is complicated. Your "soulmate" feels all those feelings I know. I could be her. She also probably never in a million years ever thought she would entertain doing AYTHING outside of her marriage vows. I know because I didn't. I actually was a harsh judge of those who did. Not anymore. There is something about blasts from our past that sweep us back into the euphoria of our youth. As if going to the spring of youth again... WHO wouldn't want to go again and again and again after discovering it is only the click of a keyboard away?
But you guys are the unknown. We only know you as someone we knew thirty years ago... not the ones we have had babies with or paid bills with and grew older and perhaps a bit boring with... It would have happened with our soulmates too.
She knows that right now it is exciting and fullfilling... the attention... the remembering... they closing your eyes and snapping back to the lips of the boy who took your breath away... and knowing that today... she still has it. You have made her feel 20 again. Quite a titilating talent. YOU are probably the only one she ever would have risked anything like this for... it wouldn't have been someone at the office or a fling of any sorts... just someone like you that made her feel young again... that makes her feel "gotten" and connected when at this stage in the game it doesn't happen very often.
I guess in my case.. I felt with my situation... YOU MOVED ON TOO... you didn't wait around and fight for me... you could have been the one to marry me... you even asked me and blew it by not setting a date. I moved on too and though for an unexpected intrerruption of my vows... by you... my devoted husband is willing to forgive me... not you so much... so don't expect him to let me even stay friends... I have to earn his trust and so even though we have our issues and you are just a symptom of some of them... I mean lets face it, if everything were perfect... I wouldn't have accepted you as my friend on facebook... but really...the unknown is not worth the risk. But thank you for loving me. I will never regret that I was found by you twice.

Oct 20, 2012
by: tallboywitshorypants

Mannn,why do I still love her...

Oct 16, 2012
First Love Found After 29 Years
by: Anonymous

We met when I was 14 and he was 17. We lived about 20 minutes apart, I met him through my Grandparents as he used to mow lawn for them. Our time together was around six to nine months. His parents didn't like us being together, so they sent him to his Dads then he enlisted in the army and I received a letter and a phone call once and then nothing. Then I started dating. But about 4 years later I ran into him very briefly he saw me walking and gave me a ride but not much was said. I am married now with 2 teenage boys. A few weeks ago I decided to look him up on Facebook and I was so nervous that he was on there. He has been divorced twice, has four kids. We have messaged a few times and texted, I have met him a few times and met two of his kids. He told me I was the greatest love he's ever had and always will be, that he has based all his relationships on the love he had for me. Now he's hardly talking, I think he's back with ex girlfriend . I'm sad and confused by all the things he said in the beginning. My marriage isn't going very well and he said he would wait for me, now I almost feel misled or that he really does feel all those things but is too scared or just doesn't want to wait. I'm satisfied with being friends I just want him in my life. We have fun together and laugh.

Oct 06, 2012
True love never dies
by: Hopeful Romantic

I found my old love after 20 years and even though we have no plans to meet, we have talked. I am a woman and do not chase after men but he was the only exception. After talking online many times, I am backing away. I will wait for him and if we get the chance I will take it in a heartbeat. I believe in true love and that it never dies. I believe we will be together one day. We are soulmates and even my grown children have heard me talk about him as the one regret I have in this life. So I pray and have faith that God will bring us together and soon. I'm glad I found this site and the people who love deeply as I do.

Oct 05, 2012
First Love Judgers
by: Anonymous

If you are familiar with the movie Bridges Of Madison County... the way Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep started out so innocently... with so many extenuating circumstances involved, finally bringing them to the bathtub scene... and then the truck in the rain scene and the choice... Am I romatic or what? But my first love facebooked me after 35 years. He was my first everything in everyway. I was engaged to him, his mom died during the time we were together, my dad who is now gone, got him his first job which was the basis for his successful career... memories only we share, etc... Our relationship ended badly. It hurt so bad, I took the path of hating him, though I had plenty of reasons to do just that, I never really hated him.
He was going through a men's mentoring group and one of the steps was asking for forgiveness. And that is how we all began. I had googled his name on a site and later he googled the same site... he found me on facebook. It all started out innocently like the movie I spoke of earlier and then facebooking became emails and then Instant Messages and then phone calls and then we finally met. Twice. It all seemed so surreal. When I closed my eyes, I had my youth back. His passion for me was none never duplicated in my lifetime. It was addicting to be wanted the way he wanted me. But I had a whole other life. So many people that came after him. People I grew inside of me that were MY offspring my grown up children. My husband and I had been struggling for a while but my affair blindsided us both. Never in a million years did I ever imagine I was capable of cheating and lieing and becoming a stranger outside of myself. I am still recovering. Everyday I don't answer or even more so, reach out... I am one day closer to victory. It is a lonely place. NO ONE wants to hear about it, let alone even try to understand. Even my marriage counselor kind of brushed it under the rug. I GET it... she thinks HE was a symptom to what she is trying to help us fix but... HE was so much more... HE was my history, my youth, my hole filler. And now it is as if I am wandering in the dark trying to find the light again.

Oct 03, 2012
by: Anonymous

Its really hard to forget about my first love..until now i still love him...

Oct 03, 2012
I still love my ex-boyfriend after 24 yrs.
by: Armheldz

I think love is the most complex and mysterious feeling you could ever have once you are in it..I met my first love when i was 15 yrs. first i never noticed him.there were several guys courting me. But he was very pushy about his feelings for me. Until finally his magic worked on me. And i fell inlove so deeply with him..he was my first kiss...but i thank him bcoz we never engage in sex. After a year of our romantic relationship he left to study somewhere and its a long distance relationship ...we never said goodbye. God, it was kinda painful but as time goes by, another bunch of suitors came and i forgotten all about him...Now after 25 yrs he suddenly popped up in my facebook. At first i was hesitant to add him because im afraid i know we are both married with family now..But i could not resist...So there we chatted for some time..and he admitted he still loves me..And the feelings came back instantly..remembering everything like it was just yesterday..and i felt madly inlove again.. He was asking to meet me again but i afraid..And then a fateful day came..the wife discovered about our initmate chats..and so she called me up and warned me to delete and blocked her hubby from my facebook..I really do not want to do it but i still did..i obey her since she is threatening me to destroy my family..and inform my hubby as well..Now i still longed for my ex-boyfriend..i dont know if we could see each other again..I miss the chance to tell him I still love him too..The last message i remember he told me was " I still love you" ...and I love you sweetheart..I hope i can have a happy ending. I love him so Armheldz

Oct 01, 2012
First true love......
by: Anonymous

I have been in love with my first love for 21 years now.......and although he never loved me back I have never forgot him.
I'm married now with 2 children but not a day goes by where I don't think about him....
But he just didn't want me.
Life's hard and you just have to make the most what you have.
But he will always,always be in my heart,I've never met anyone else like him and never will x

Sep 24, 2012
Not good enough
by: Anonymous

The love of my life was not good enough for my parents and they made sure that he felt it every time they saw him. My mother tried her best to separate us and he finally gave in under all this pressure. This was 20 years ago when I was in high school and college. I saw him three times in these years where we could not stay away from each other. He told me that I was the love of his life and that he is supposed to be married to me and that my two kids should be his kids. I feel the same way but I can not forget and forgive that he left me because of my parents. He never got married and we do not have contact. Now, I live in a different country with a husband who my parents love and I never forgave my mother for hating my ex-boyfriend because he was not as educated etc. as she wanted. Almost every single day, I have to think about my ex-boyfriend and how much I care about him. My husband can never replace these feelings. Life is not always fair. I wish my life would have turned out differently.

Sep 04, 2012
by: Anonymous

It sounds like he needed closure, the time ou spent together was enough to give him that. Not fair on you the way he done it but he is now feeling in control of his emotions after ur time together. I'm sorry that you are hurting. But it will get better. I know it's hard but try to enjoy the brief encounter for what it was. U reverted back to being those 13 yr old kids for that moment. And if you were to get deeper into it, u will come back to reality and realise that you are two very different people now. Strangers almost.

Aug 25, 2012
love story with a twist
by: Anonymous

So, I'm pretty young, some say I've never been in love, but at one point I'm convinced I was. I was about to turn 15, met a guy in highschool (the popular type girls have crushes on), I actually didn't like him at first, but when he laid eyes on me it all started. The common bet of making the girl fall is what I was part of. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss and the guy I thought I'd marry; once the relationship started (wich was a complicated event) it was awesome, I woke up everyday with a huge smile on my face, it lasted 12 months, it ended because we argued too much. I saw him again 5 years later, I was datin someone and so was he, but we started comunicating and treating eachother as friends, then it stopped, next thing I know is he got married, now he wants to talk again and see me. He's said he never got over and still loves me, that I'm the only person he's ever loved, that his marriage is a mistake, nevertheless his wife is 6 months pregnant with his child.

Aug 06, 2012
Soulmate found after 25 years
by: Robin

Ihave never forgotten about John in all these years but never tried to find him until last week. So I got on facebook and he answered. I talked about my life and he told me about his. I told him I never stopped thinking about him all this time and he was surprised. I missed our frienship and he said he was totally in love with me and then I told him that I still cared for him as well. He's dating someone and I'm single so we don't plan to meet. I don't know what to do at this point. I gave him my number and have not messaged him but I want to. I know he is my soulmate and I knew it back then. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Aug 05, 2012
After 20 years, I still love my you baby...
by: Anonymous

I didn't get closure from my last relationship... until 10 years later... and now ten years on, here I am again, connecting with him again. R got married, had a kid, got divorced and recently just got married again... I got married, have a kid, stayed married for 15 years now... My husband loves me, I know, but I love R. I have always loved him and still love him... I never stopped... I just learnt how to live without him... Now in my forties, I'm braver and had the courage to tell R. I don't know if he feels the same, I think it's better if he doesn't. I'm not a home wrecker, I don't intend to break up his marriage... I guess I just want to remember the happy times I had with him... I don't love my husband...never really did... What is to become of me and my feelings for R? Perhaps in another 10 years, when my son is older, I will have the strength to leave my husband... and perhaps R and I could be together but I am not hoping for that.. I'm sure his new wife loves him and he, her... I'm not afraid to be alone.. I'm a tough one... But to have the pleasure and joy of being with the one I love who may love me back to but cant be with me.. what a mess!!

Aug 02, 2012
reuniting with first love 20 yrs later ..
by: Anonymous

I got together with my ex when I was 18, he was 17 and we were together for 2 years, we were each others first proper relationship and I ended it because of his cheating. He said that he wanted me back many times but I said I would never take him back, I had moved on. I moved to Greece and lived there for 10 years, each time I came back home I would bump into him and he made every effort to go out of his way to spend a little time with me even though he knew that I was not going to take things any further. A few months ago we bumped into each other for the first time in about 10 years, he is now married and in the RM. A few hours after bumping into him he sent me a message on FB saying it was nice to see me again after all these years, then a few weeks later he said that he was working near to my home and called in for coffee. It was scarey to see how well we still got on, I realised then that I could still have feelings for him. Over the next few months we sent the occasional message to each other and I found that I was looking forward to his messages, then one day he sent a message to say that he would be working in the next town to me for a few weeks and did I fancy meeting up. He called to see me the very first day that he was there, we went out for a drink and had a fantastic night, the chemistry between us was certainly there. He stayed at mine for the night but in the spare room, nothing happened between us at all but I knew that if we met up again there probably would! A few weeks later he had a day off and called to see me, again we had a great laugh and one thing led to another and we ended up in bed. I have very mixed emotions about it all and told him this as he is now a married man. I can't believe that my feelings for him have resurfaced after all this time - it has only been a few days since that night and if we will see each other again i don't know, and I don't know his feelings about it all either as it is not something which we spoke about. I am so confused about it all ...

Jun 14, 2012
how to tell your first love that your still in love with him
by: Anonymous

I have been in Love with my first love for 14 years. We were together for 9 mo. then I had to move away. We talked for a couple mo. after and I even went back to see him and I hurt so bad because I knew it would be the last time I seen him. I met his cousin who lived where I moved to and after a couple of years of being friends we got together I still thought about my first love over the years. His cousin and I have been together now for 11 years and have 3 kids. We moved to where I used to live and I now live a mile away from first love and seeing him again was like I fell in love all over again and I have lived here for 4 years now and see him quite often and I can feel it in my heart all these emotions..I Love him and I cant stop thinking and dreaming about him, I have tried so hard to stop but I cant, I want to tell him so I know if he feels the same and if he don't them maybe I can finally stop loving him. I love the guy I'm with but never the way I love his cousin. My heart breaks that I cant be with him..Please help How do I tell my first love, or should I..I cant go on loving him if I cant be with him,

May 25, 2012
Crazy mad love is not dead!!
by: Anonymous

My exhusband & I started talking again after 15 years of divorce. We tried not to love each other for 15 years. But we had a crazy mad romance back then. I didn't want to sleep because I'd miss him. We eventually got divorced because neither one of us knew how to work little problems out. BIG mistake!! He is now married, I am recently divorced. We quit trying to stop loving each other. Our daughter wants her parents back together where we belong. We are just talking now, but it is just as exciting as it was 15-20 years ago. I've never been as crazy about someone as I am him, & it helps to know he feels the same way. We are planning to see each other soon. I can't wait!!

May 14, 2012
First Love, True Love Part 4
by: Rho

On our first day in Baguio, we both agreed to stay in a simple place, without arguments, no hesitations. We went downtown, watched a movie together, went to the mall and had dinner before heading back to the hotel.

It was a relaxing night, we got a room with 2 beds,took time to freshen up before sleeping. Since he drove up North for hours, he felt the pains on his back, and shoulders and he was vocal about it. As a gratitude for accompanying me to my vacation, I easily responded when he requested for a massage. When I thought he was sound asleep, I tried to move off his bed to mine,when he pulled me close to him, and hugged me tight. I knew, I would easily give in. I was too weak to stop him. The feelings I had for him for the longest time is still there, deep within,and maybe, didn't leave my heart, even for a second.

His arms enveloped me with security, without a word, I felt safe in his arms, fully protected from any harm. For awhile, we felt each other, and I heard him whisper, "it's cold, keep me warm." He started kissing my ear, which, definitely kept us both warm. He made me feel his love, once again. After 21 long years. I didn't want the moment to end. There was fear in me..of falling in love all over, and have my heart broken, again, but what the heck, I was in love with him, since that fateful day of May 6th,1988. And I think, will forever love..only with him.

I thought, that would be it. But this went on and on..for more than 2 months. Months of spending time together at the malls, taking care personal stuff, luncheon dates, dinner dates, simple chit chats, just being seated beside with while driving around, being there with him while diving, cooked for him on his 40th Birthday, and celebrated with his long time friends and family. It went on and dropping him off to the airport..and being there upon his arrival from a travel, excited to be with him again.

Until his last departure to HK. We spent the night before his departure together. He thought of staying,he wanted to cancel his trip, this made me selfishly happy for a while, but being a responsible man that he is, he left, to keep his transactions.

This made me so sad. I was left hanging, with no status, and no right to know everything. I didn't have any idea how long he would be out of the country. But I am waiting, patiently waiting for him to come home. He seldom sent messages, and wanted me to learn his absence, and get used it. I know,in my heart, that he may not be with me physically, and left me no assurance, no commitment, upon his return,I will still be here, for him, whatever happens. There's no one who loves him like I do. I can't bear to live without him.

Still waiting.

May 14, 2012
First Love, True Love Part 3
by: Rho


We both worked for different companies,and constantly got in touch. We changed contact numbers from time to time, but we managed to keep in touch. I was even his sister's friend who broke the news to him when his sister got pregnant. I made him promise not to react negatively, but be supportive of his sister instead. We both became Godparents to his nephew.

This connection would allow us to see each other on Christmas Days and other important family occasions. We try to keep in touch through text messages once in a while. We both knew what was going on with each other. We have had our relationships, which didn't work out. There were few instances of offering a hitch ride from a destination to another, and bring some food from favorite food chains. There were support of all sorts from employment to simple favors. We managed to communicate.

Until this one fateful day of March 3rd,2012. I got an approval on my vacation from work, planned to go some places by myself, when I got a text message from him. There were exchange of messages and it ended up with an offer from him to drive for me to my destinations. That he would take a vacation leave as well and go with me.

As we traveled up North, there were tales told, answered questions and exchanged opinions. It was a pleasant trip with him. In short, we both knew the stories behind every failed relationship we have had in the past.


May 14, 2012
First Love, True Love Part 2
by: Rho


While into College, and managing an internet cafe', we would run into each other, he gave me a cellular phone so we could communicate often -- as friends. I found myself listening to him on air. There was even an instance when I thought the message was for me.."This message goes out to a special friend, whom I loved 11 years ago, who is celebrating her birthday today. I hope you'll find a place in your heart to forgive me..etc.etc." I knew the message was intended for me, but I didn't have the courage to ask. This made me feel elated, and started to fall for him again. I was waiting for him to take the steps, but it didn't happen. This broke my heart, again..

I never learn. I entertained another suitor. It led to a relationship of more than 2 years. Coincidentally, they both are Disc Jockeys from different stations and location. My current boyfriend then, was so curious of my first boyfriend, that he even dropped by his radio station to introduce himself. It was very inappropriate to do that. My first boyfriend sent me a message stating the awkward incident. I felt really bad that I confronted him upon his arrival at home. There goes his stupid alibi. I almost broke up with him and felt the pain he may have caused my first boyfriend if there was any. Eventually, the relationship ended.

My first boyfriend would ask me for favors, like mini thesis, and other school stuff. Having no courage to turn him down, that I would do anything for him,I would oblige. In fact,have given my best shot at all times. Until we both finished College--finally.

to be continued...

May 14, 2012
First Love, True Love Part 1
by: Rho

I had my first boyfriend when I was 14. We met in a school glee club for high school back in 1988. Among all my suitors (modesty aside), he was the most persistent and fun to be with. I easily fell in love with him. He was full of surprises and caught my family's affection and trust easily. He would do the traditional way of courting women. We were in a great relationship for 4 long years until, long distance relationship during College took its toll on us. We parted ways, but didn't have the chance to talk about it. It was too painful for me that I didn't even allow him to explain. There were few instances though when he tried to talk to me.

We both didn't finish College, I was in Manila taking up MT while he was in Laguna taking up VM. I learned that he went somewhere in Leyte, studied there and worked eventually.

After some time, while I didn't have any communication with him, I entertained suitors, tried to move on and let go of the past relationship. Trusting someone else, didn't make me realize that there are men who do not value love over comfort. This suitor of mine considered convenience, fooled my and my family, which led to an unwanted marriage. Which, definitely didn't work out due to the same reason of having no love involved.

After 6 long years, I decided to go back to school and pursue College. Little did I know that I would run into my first boyfriend, on the first day of classes,at the entrance of the same school. He decided to pursue College as well. There was a deep spark when I saw him. My stuff fell all over the place. I was stunned but I felt happiness. Too much happiness in fact.

Through a friend, I figured he worked as a Disc Jockey in a local Radio Station. Prior to that news, he got in touch with me and I remember he was asking for a good name to use on air. Thinking of a job, being a pilot of the airwaves, I suggested Captain and a different name. And then I knew that he used Captain and his real name.

to be continued..

May 06, 2012
My 1st and Only True Love
by: Anonymous

Let me start by saying Jerry was always the love of my life. We met at my job, his dad owned the 7eleven I worked at. We began dating my junior year of hs(1988) he was a year ahead and went to the hs in the next town. I was going through an incredibly rough time in my life and he was there for me. We shared a certain spark that seemed to grow more and more as time passed. We continued dating-As a 17 year old I was so sure I would marry him, he was my everything. Then my senior year my father got a job transfer across the country.I stayed and finished my year and we continued to date. I moved the weekend after graduation.He came to visit me that first summer and it was amazing I was so in love But kids will be kids and after he returned home our relationship sort of fell apart In the beginning I asked about him often- 2 years later I went to see him at his job, my intention to tell him how much I loved him and that I always would.I saw him we talked, we hugged,I cried-but I never told him how I felt. I had dated a bit but never really was serious with anyone else at that point. Then I met my husband-ironically he was from Jerrys hometown they even graduated together my husbands father even owned a 7eleven. I had basically no contact with him for 20 years, although he crossed my mind often and I asked about him when I saw people who knew him. I joined facebook 3 years ago and looked him up I didn't friend or message him as I knew that was not a line I wanted to cross. I was married- although things were rocky- 2 years later I messaged him said happy bday and asked how he was-completely innocent- but I couldnt stop thinking about him and what could've been. I messaged him for new years and the in mid Jan my husband and I split after 20yrs 2mths later I messaged him I dont know how but he somehow knew my relationship was troubled. He asked what happened and I said it was rocky awhile I didnt have the courage to say I married the wrong person- but he did- he simply said my marriage didnt work, because I married the wrong girl. We have been texting frequently, and when we talk I feel like no time has passed- it is so comfortable it is scaring me. We plan to see each other for the 1st time since 1991 this June. I am so nervous and excited- I can hardly wait. I feel like a teenager again. I have spent much time thinking about why I feel this way after all these years- I have determined I never stopped loving him, that he is the only person I can be myelf with, that although I loved my husband, we married bc I was pregnant, I never loved him the way I loved Jerry. I also never had closure with Jerry- it didn't end bc one of us wanted out- it ended bc I moved across the country. I don't really have any expectations- I am thankful that he has come back into my life- maybe we will find we are soulmates or perhaps we are better off friends- but at least then it will be a decision we make.

May 06, 2012
first love, the one i wanted to love the rest of my life
by: Anonymous

I was 15 as was he. He was a gentlemen and walked me to my classes, sent me love notes, we'd talk on the phone for hours. After 9 months of dating he broke up with me, I was devastated and didn't have a choice but to move on. 20 years later he responded to a public message I put a couple of years ago trying to find him, wanting to know if he was alive, happy if he had a family because I never stopped caring. We started emailing about our lives and catching up on what we've been up to for the last 20 years. I am married with kids as is he. I am having an affair and never thought in a million years I would be that person. We r both conflicted and both feel we need to stay in our current relationship because of our kids and the pain it would cause. I realize I'm being selfish and I can't seem to let go of him again. He told me he tried looking for me after high school but to no avail. If I knew that he still cared for me back then I would 've fought for him, but I believed he didn't care. Now I am in a horrible position and I hate myself for loving him. I want to let go but he has always meant the world to me and I would've married him. He will never be mine completely and I wonder why he has come back into my life and we have loved each other once again. I want to have him in my life always and feel sad that I can't truly be with him. I pray to god to give me answers of why it had to turn out this way? I am chasing a dream that was never meant to be and am living in a loveless marriage that in the past I have tried to make whole. I know there is judgment and I deserve it for not being strong enough when it came to the only man I ever truly loved and gave my heart to.

Apr 27, 2012
My first love, 40 yrs later
by: Anonymous

I feel confused. My marriage has been suffering a slow death for years. In recent years I suffered through the death of hometown classmates. Unhappy, sad, an unhealthy relationship with my husband, drained financailly and emotionally by by family, the loss of my job, I was at the bottom.
While on-line with others celebrating the life of our lost classmate, "his" name appeared. Then an email from him asking me for more information about our lost classmate. It was like a spark of light in my very dark life.
We had been together for 3 years, we were young, in love, we planned, we talked, always with his arm around me. Then one day, he announced he wanted to date other girls. I believed it was just teenage boy stuff, that he needed to explore. I wanted him to want to be with me, so I let him go. In my heart I always believed he would be back. In my heart I have been waiting for him to come back, everyday since. My high school yeas weren't the best. My family life was dysfunctional to say the least. I struggled with self-worth, self-esteem and self-deprecation. I waited, I prayed, I didn't know where to find him. I learned he married after college to one of our classmates. I left town, but I took him with me in my heart. Through the years, as I moved around the country, he has always been with me in my heart, during bad times it was the memory of his arm around me that comforted me, when I witness amazing things I would imagine him there sharing it with me, when I was scared I called out his name. His memory pushed me to be better, to want better.
Since receiving his first email we occasionally exchanged messages for a year, nothing major, just notes saying we "hoped all was well". Eventually I had to ask him why he left me. His recollection was noticing the signs I was being physically abused, he feared it was because of him. (We had recently been seen together, and reported to my family) So he left me to spare me any further harm. I was crushed, I was relieved.

We have discussed many things, but have never crossed any lines. I just can't let him go again.
He seems to be content with his life, although I can't help but feel at times he is disappointed with how his life has turned out.

In the meanwhile we are both trying to figure out our lives separately. I don't know what the future will bring, I'm just grateful he is part of my life again.

Mar 27, 2012
Love Lost
by: Elaine

I was too afraid to be touched in college because my oldest brother molested me when I was younger. The man I loved in college, we were roommates at one point and we slept in the same bed but he never touched me because somehow he knew something had happened, he would reveal later. I heard him whisper "I love you" twice but never opened my eyes. Fast foward 23 years, me divorced, he, married to a woman that does not share his religious beliefs (we are both Catholic, she's against the Catholic church), he said he still loved me but his life is not his own. I can't get over my regret of not rolling over to tell him I loved him too. He's not allowed to contact me and he lives 3 hours away. My heart is so broken. I feel so empty inside. I hate my brother for changing my path in life.

Feb 28, 2012
by: Anonymous

I saw her got married to another man after 2 years together, she was my first love.
Somehow, after 19 years we both find each other recently divorced for lots of reasons.
now we have been together for 3 years and we are planning to get married soon.
each bitter memory, each bitter song now turns sweet again.
heaven only knows.

Jan 31, 2012
love will find a way
by: Anonymous

Hello, I also reunited with my 1st love about 6 months ago...we were 14 and 16 when we met, we went to the movies,and drive in. Listened to Prince and Banana Ramma together, etc...someone else came along for him (I was a virgin, he was not)years later we ran into each other again @ a club. I was not a virgin anymore so I was all excited and nervous of what could happen. I drank to much that night, he drove me home, watched me puke my brains out, kissed me goodnight and never saw him again. Next i met the man who would turn out to be my ex-husband and a year or 2 later saw the wedding announcement for he and his wife. NEVER once did I ever stop thinking about him, wondering about his life. Always thought of him when I heard certain songs. It turns out all I had to was type his name into facebook and there he was. Wow!!! After all these years I found him! He was serving in another country and after 5 months he was coming home and happened to have his first stop in the states in the city in which I live,(how did that happen?) there was no doubt in my mind I was going to pick him up from the airport and show him my new city. Well I was prepared for "what may happen" I had no idea how I was going to feel, I had an idea but wow was it like no time had ever passed us!! He said that he felt like we were walking out of the movies as if no time had passed. Well something happened that night and I drove him to the airport the next morning and we had a wonderful breakfast together. I have seen him since, we kiss each other goodbye but that is it. We talked about what he is going thru at home with his estranged wife and i discussed my current husband not accepting me and acting like an old gizzard...i have realized we both need to take care of our home life 1st before moving on with our life together. I am nervous, scared, anxious, unsure, but also know I only have 1 life to live and I do want true happiness! Something I didnt believe in until I found him again!!! I dont know what is going to happen but am thankful for finding him again. It took me 22 years to find him and may take a few more to be together but I will NEVER give up...

Jan 29, 2012
The Rocking Chair

I was married to an emotionally unavailable man. We did nothing together... even to the point of driving and sitting separately to our children's ballgames. I felt totally and completely alone.

I had an accident and was off from work for a couple if months. Bored and alone all day, I started chatting to a man. Our friendship grew. We met prior to my filing for divorce. It was magical. The talks that we had were amazing! The passion was obvious.

Sounds perfect....Not. We could never get our timing right. He lives in a different state than I. Various pressures kept us apart. After a few years, we drifted apart. We both remarried. He is divorced a second time. My second marriage is in turmoil.

He has recently contacted me by email. There is something clearly evident between us. I want to give us a try. I want us to find out sometime before this life is over if the dream that we shared of "sitting on the porch of our home in our rocking chairs" will ever become a reality.

I hope that the answer comes to me soon. I hate living this confusing life! R&K

Jan 14, 2012
even soul mates are human
by: Anonymous

One thing I'm learning about us finding each other after 23 years is that the long-distance phone calls are an easy way to grow distant, to misunderstand each other. Seeing each other once a month is not enough to erase that challenge. Our lives are so different can they merge in a healthy way? Can I, after being divorced for such a short time, be sure I don't repeat the same mistakes with my soulmate?

He's human and is exhibiting behaviors that concern me. Phone calls don't suffice. I'm still me: hesitant to make anyone angry, holding in my feelings, but also a strong, hard-working, loving woman. Sometimes I wish we hadn't reconnected. Sometimes I want him to hold me & tell me he loves me & that we'll grow old together.


Jan 13, 2012
He was my all
by: Anonymous

I hope I reunite with my 1st love one day, never felt the same about anybody else than what I did for that man, he was my world x

Jan 02, 2012
in love and afraid
by: Anonymous

Dear Diary,
My marriage was ending; my husband had moved out, I was sick of being with an emotionally distant/absent man, even verbally mean at times. I wrote a diatribe in my little notebook that is always in my bag.

Fast forward a mere 24 hours: Facebook friend request from an old friend. I saw his profile face, and I knew something would happen...we'd gone to college together, worked together in a wilderness program for 5 years. We had a number of the same friends. I always, those 8 years, had a big crush on him: smart, handsome, funny, similar interests, but out of my league. As prone as I was in my 20's to let a man know my feelings, I never did with him. I don't know why.

Facebook messages moved at the speed of light. He'd always had a crush on me, too. Within days, he asked me to marry him. He came to visit me in a month. We immediately clicked 100%. I want to marry him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

BUT: I have a 15 year old daughter. She knows about him. we live in different states and our plan is for me to move to his state. But my daughter sees me and her dad 50/50. I cannot leave her 100% of the time with her emotionally disconnected father.

BUT: I am profoundly insecure, always have been. My new/old love has completely accepted our being together forever, utterly. I am, with my insecurity, feeling I need constant reassurance, which I know drives anyone crazy. I need help with that.

BUT: we have to remain living in separate states for awhile due to financial constraints and my divorce not being final for another 60 days or less. What if he gets bored with me, or finds someone else?

I have no reason not to trust him. We've known each other for 30 years; I saw him with girlfriends then, I know how he operated. He was honest, loving, true to those people. So how do I change my insecurity? This is what I carry with me, despite changing spouses. It's my Achilles heel.

We remain the same, despite changes in our external circumstances, despite changing our spouse. How can I help myself? Thank you for reading.

Nov 20, 2011
After 40 years what if?
by: Anonymous

I found my first love via facebook after 40 years. She was 16 I was 17 so very much in love, just can't live without the thought of tomorrow together love. Then my folks stepped in, worried about a baby at 18 two by 20 and my life being "ruined" at 21, they wanted us to cool it for awhile. But at that age it's 100% forward or dead stop, so I stopped. I didn't tell her why or even goodbye, just picked a fight and walked out. Now fast forward 40 years and I find her again. The guilt was just like we broke up last week. I contacted her and wanted to tell her what happened. The problem is I opened up old scars that should have been left alone, for her and me. I never thought that just saying hi would open up a flood of old memories and what could or should have beens.
Did I say she's been married 39 years and I've been 38. We've talked twice by phone both of us in tears. She wanted to meet face to face but I said no. I just don't know what would happen and I'm afraid I'm not strong enough to walk away a second time.
I love my wife more than life itself but the thought of my first love ....what if???

Oct 21, 2011
reuniting with first love after almost 20 years
by: Milly

I'm in tears as I read these stories. I have recently reconnected with my first love and always thought he was the love of my life and always compared my adult relationships to him, I always thought if he turned up on my doorstep Id leave everything for him. So we recently got in contact again and we shared that we both feel the same, however we are both in relationships (neither married) and both with kids. We have met up a few times in the past few months (I've recently moved back to our home town and he just lives a few hours away so he comes up and visits friends etc) and the chemistry is so strong between us. My relationship has been rocky for years and years and I've known this for some time but never had the guts to leave (I've always been the person to stay in a bad relationship than to be single) but now I have a urge to leave the father of my child in order to have a possibility to start again with him... I'm so scared and sad and excited all at the same time. I'm scared he won't have the guts to do the same, I'm sad cause even tho I know my relationship has been crappy for a while it's still sad to walk away and be a single mum, excited cause I think maybe my dreams will all come true after all (if we end up together) I wish someone could just tell me what to do, I'm going crazy on this emotional rollercoaster.

Dec 04, 2010
True Love always works it's way back home Part 2
by: Honey Bunny

Later that month I check on my former boyfriends facebook and I noticed that his status had changed from ?married? to ?it?s complicated?. I also noticed he posted that he was in a divorce he didn?t want. Something in me wanted to reach out as a friend and to let him know he was not alone. I never intended on anything else. After all, I was still married. My message told him I knew we couldn?t be friends on facebook but I wished him well and hoped everything worked out. He answered me by saying we had always been friends and at this stage of his life he needed a real friend. He gave me his phone number and I called him. Hearing his voice brought all these feelings. I didn?t tell him that because I was a friend reaching out to another friend. We spent the first 2 hrs catching up on 10 years of our lives. He was very disappointed to hear that I was living overseas and I would not be moving back to the states for another 12 months. We both have 2 kids each, we both got married for the wrong reasons, and we both had never forgotten each other.

Let?s fast forward to the present. His divorce will be final in January. My divorce will take a bit longer since my husband is contesting everything. When everything is done and over with, we plan to move in and live the rest of our lives together. We are convinced we are soul mates. We still finish each other?s sentences, we laugh about the same things, and we talk on the phone for hours. I feel like I am 18 years old again. I love this man and I have never stopped loving him. We should have never parted ways back then. Nothing we can do about that now. All we can do is look forward to our future and our love. No use thinking of ?What if?s? and ?If only?s?.

We are convinced this is the real deal. We are soul mates and we plan to spend the rest of our lives together making each other very happy.

Dec 04, 2010
True love always works it's way back home Part 1
by: Honey Bunny

We were both 18 when we met in college. He was so handsome. He was tall and very intelligent. I introduced myself to him at the college library on a cold wintery day. Little did I know how much my life would change from that moment? I never expected to eventually become his girlfriend. He was my first real boyfriend. We had the most amazing time together. We could talk about anything and everything. We had so many goals and dreams. He used to call me ?Honey Bunny?. We spent all our time together. He made me so happy. I never pictured my life without him. I wanted to marry this boy one day and form a family.

One day he said he no longer loved me and we broke up. He still came around and we were always doing things together but without the title of ?boyfriend/girlfriend?. One day I decided it was time to cut the cord and move on. That was almost 18 years ago. I got married 15 years ago and lost touch. We found each other years later and met up for lunch once. The last time we spoke was in 2000. His girlfriend was going to have their baby and I decided it was time to let him go. He had found someone to love him and I was happy for him. I was married and had a 3 year old. I never told him how unhappy I was in my marriage. So it was time for both of us to move on.

The years went on and I would occasionally think about him. I would remind myself that I was once loved and cared for by him. It felt so nice to have been loved that way. I would occasionally check up on my former boyfriend through Facebook. I never contacted him because I could read from his posts that he was happy with his wife and kids. Contacting him was not an option for me. I knew better.

During these past 15 years my husband committed several transgressions over the years. He had an affair, told others he was a widower, I found him chatting and texting other girls. Then some months ago, I received a phone call from a disgruntled husband urging me to get my husband to stop chatting with his wife. That was the breaking point and I decided I wanted a divorce. I started telling my husband that?s what I wanted and he pretended everything would be ok. I would come around and change my mind. After all he had done so many things and I had stuck around. This time it was different I wanted out.

Oct 28, 2010
True love will find a way, no matter the length of time.
by: Anonymous

23 years ago I met a man that was everything according to my standards, he was very attractive, great personality and a God fearing man. I was convinced by a new guy who came on the scene the he was a better catch. He alleged that my love interest was not trust worthy, a womanizer, had no true interest in me. When you are 19 and young and all, you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. To make a long story short, he begged me not to leave him and proclaimed that my life with this other guy would be full of pain and misery.

After bearing 6 children, losing one child to crib-death, multiple affairs, disrespect, physical, mental and emotional abuse, I finally mustered some strength to leave him with my

During these years I never reached out to find the man I so loved, respecting the fact I was married, but I always said a prayer of protection for him. After the separation of my marriage, he got word of, it contacted me. He spoke into my spirit that God would give me double for my trouble. He stated that he never stopped loving me and knew one day our love would return anew.

He has been divorced now for 19 years, I'm awaiting my divorce in the coming weeks. No one can tell me that love is not real. It is true that if you let love go and it returns to you, it was meant to be. Our love is genuine, sweet and serene. God has given us another chance for love. I thank God for hearing my cry and bringing my first love back just for me. Very soon we will be together again as ONE.

It ain't over till God says it over

Nov 19, 2009
Lost my soulmate, again
by: Facebooker

I came upon this site and your post just tonight. I am experiencing a similar situation. I started college 30 yrs. ago in the Northeast. Late November that year, I met her at the dorm. We became great friends and occasional lovers within a much larger circle of friends. Even though we lived at the same dorm, I went to a different college, as my college leased dorm space from her college.

Next year she lived off campus, but often stayed over at my room. I was completely infatuated with her but never said anything, as I did not want to jeopardize our great friendship. The next year my college ended leasing the dorm space and I also moved off campus with friends from my college.

That was it. Because we were at different schools, I never heard from her again. By the 1990s, I was on the west coast married; this decade, divorced and have 2 high school girls.

3 months ago, I find her on Facebook. I'm even semi-schocked she remembers me. We e-mail back and forth our stories. She is married with a boy in high school and one out of college. By a weird coincidence, both of us were going to be in nearby midwestern cities 2 weeks ago. Neither of us travel for our jobs and these were both 1-time trips. We met for dinner and drinks and before we left she says that she always felt the same way as I did. She even calls me her "soulmate". I have become euphoric.

Paradoxically, she clearly states she intends to stay married, but we began a 10 day whirlwind of cross-country texting/calling. I want to tell her we need to be more cautious, but I have lost any self-control.

3 days ago my 2 word text is answered with "he saw ur text, don't call, will call u tomorrow." 2 days ago, she calls me briefly to say she's sorry, but she can't contact me anymore and truly wishes things were different as she has always loved me. She even is going to send me a gift.

She hangs up and I look at the phone, feeling like I have lived in some west coast witness-protection program for 30 years. That was the life I could have had.

Daisy, thanks for letting me get this out. I know it hurts and truly hope you find your answer, too.

Nov 12, 2009






Nov 12, 2009
Correction on story
by: Daisy

Let me please Expand on the "separation" of a 16 year marriage... I had filed for divorce 4 months earlier due to abuse of every kind.... I'm not one who takes marriage vows lightly. I still wore my wedding ring because I had no intentions of looking for another man or even giving the appearance I was available...

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