R.i.p ~

by Kylli
(Canada)

I'm 13 now, My Mom died when I was 11 years old, she died right before her 46th birthday,see also died right before my birthday as well, she died on January 17th 2011. My Mom was my everything, and she still is, I get bullied on how my Mom passed away, they always say "at least i have a mom" and really... it hurts, I miss my Mom a lot, My Dad, and Mom broke up when i was about 5 years old, and then when I was like 9 my Dad found a different girlfriend, I never really liked her. r.i.p.~ I think of you everyday ~!

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Nov 30, 2012
Hello Kylli
by: Anonymous

I am 53 years old but I feel as lost as you. My Mum passed away two months ago and I am devastated. However, this message is not about me, it's about you.

Thirteen is a strange time of life, often stressful. At least, that is the way I remember it. When I was 13, I felt odd, like I didn't fit in anywhere; at the same time, I was full of anticipation. 13 is the beginning of our teenage years, and it can be both exciting and frightening because suddenly we find ourselves in new territory. Our bodies are changing, our thoughts are changing, and there are new feelings to cope with. I am fortunate that I had my Mum when I was 13, even though I was at boarding school for the first time and I felt the separation very deeply. Still, she was there if I needed her.

At this time of your life, you need an adult whom you can trust. You did not say whether you are living with your Dad, but it is clear that you have issues with his situation. I find it interesting that your Dad did not get another partner until four years after he and your Mum separated. Perhaps there were other people who came and left? What it seems like is that your Dad and his girlfriend have been together for some time which indicates that they have a stable relationship and that they care for each other.

I understand it must make you feel extremely hostile to imagine there is someone who is trying to take your mother's place, particularly now that she is no longer here. I also understand that you feel a need to resist whenever the girlfriend tries to do the things which your Mum should be doing... for instance, giving guidance in some things, trying to counsel you, and sometimes disapproving your behaviour. Could you try, just a little, to consider that her intentions may be good? Perhaps she has never had a child to raise and perhaps she is floundering too. It is possible that she is trying very hard because she truly cares for your Dad and she knows that you are very important to him.

I am certain that your Dad and his girlfriend have faults, like everyone else. However, you need an older female who can understand you and who will look out for you now that your Mum is not here, and perhaps that older female is your Dad's girlfriend. Please do not misunderstand. I do not know your history or what happens in your day-to-day life, and I am not making assumptions. However, consider the fact that there is someone close by who knows what it feels like to be 13 and who can provide a bit of the support you need. One thing I am sure of is that no-one will ever take the place of your Mum. I also know that you will not be disloyal to your Mum by letting yourself open up to your Dad's girlfriend and allowing her to become your friend, too. Everyone needs an adult female to lean on at the age of 13. It is not a time to be alone. Trust me, if your Mum knew there is someone who is looking out for you, she would truly be able to R.I.P. Do try to be open, if possible - for your Mum and for yourself.

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