Roller Coaster

by Yvonne

I feel like I am on a roller coaster. One day I am sitting on the floor bawling my eyes out wishing it were me instead of him who had to go. Then some days I get up thinking I can do this. But you know it is always I can do this but I really don't want to do it for a long time. I can get by. And basically that is all I am doing. But the thought of being without him for years and years is unbearable. I'll do it for a while but please, I don't want this pain for years. I miss him so much and honestly have no life without him.

Comments for Roller Coaster

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Mar 18, 2013
by: Anonymous

It has only been a little over two months since my fiance died. The comments I see here reflect what I have been going through myself. I have not had a good day yet, but there has been a couple of days where i feel OK most of the day, so I always wonder how it will be a year from now, 5 years from now. I feel I will recover but that I will never have the joy I felt when my love was alive and here with me. Life is not fair. I miss him so so much.

Aug 30, 2011
It's a Bumpy Ride
by: Anonymous

I understand how you feel. I'm going through the same thing right now. The sixth anniversary of my friend Brittany's death is coming up in just over 2 weeks and I was doing really well earlier this week......then WHAM!!! I've been on a downward slope for several days now.....I HATe it!!!!! Thinking of you!

Mar 03, 2011
by: Zoe

Rollercoaster is a good term, but I liken what we go through as more like riding inside of a ship, nothing feels right, you seem to get your footing then bamm you get slammed into a wall or woosh you find yourself hanging on for dear life.
We fight for a normal we will never have again, so be content with those times when you have your feet under you. Believe it or not, there will be a time when there are more steady times than unsteady. That doesn't mean you don't have the loss or the heart ache. you just learn to walk with the sway of the ocean, its just this time you learn to walk alone.

Mar 03, 2011
Up Down Up Down.....
by: TrishJ

Same here. I have one good day (where I actually see a ray of hope) followed by two days that are worse than the other bad days. It's been three months for me and the reality that he really isn't coming back is hitting like a ton of bricks. I hate this life. It sucks.

Every time I go out with friends or family members to try to "forget" for a while and have some fun, I can barely get out of bed the next day. It's depression due to the fact that I feel like Joe should be with us. He fought so hard for his life to have it all end like it did.
Yes......I know things will get better. I've read some very inspiring blogs on this site. It's that today, right now, things are worse than ever. I miss having my husband by my side. He was my love and knew everything about me. I miss having a man tell me he loves me every day.
We're all in this together. One breath, one step at a time. It will get better.....right????

Mar 03, 2011
The ride of grief

You have described grief with two words: roller coaster. You could not be more accurate in describing the ups and downs of grief. As soon as you THINK that you are making progress, that things are sorta O.K grief tells you different.

There are visual and audible things that spark a memory and tear you down to the lowest of lows.
I brought a bandanna with me at all times, knowing that some memory would surely bring a meltdown.

Later I thought I was doing indeed much better and did not bring that handkerchief...Mistake you never know what memory will bring a meltdown.
So be prepared and for gods sake don't tell people witnessing your grief that you're sorry.
I used to but after a while I cared not who viewed it. If they didn't understand, why should I care? My local walmart saw its share, why there I still don't know...

Public grief, private grief. Explain to no one, they will not understand, nor is it there business. Speaking from experience, everyone that I told my woes too did NOT make me feel better. The longer you tell your tale the more disenchanted they become. Eventually you keep it within. Only a chosen few, normally family (but you dont have that option huh?)

Professionals that know this is all normal and let us know that to reassure us that we are not going crazy, just crazy with grief. So hang on its going to be a bumpy ride.

Mar 03, 2011
One hell of a ride
by: Judith

Yvonne, I don't know one person on this site who hasn't felt the awful roller coaster ride of emotions that go on in our heads and hearts. This is the most awful, heartbreaking, devastating experience. It so deep within us and remains there it seems for the longest time. My heart breaks for us all. Their death reaches into the very core of our existence and rips our hearts right out. It's been almost six months for me. I too wish it had been me instead or that we had gone together to be forever loving spirits in heaven.

I try to stay busy cleaning or sewing new things but deep down I know it's just masking the pain so deep within, only to be released at a later time...and the tears flow.

I pray for peace but God can't even help this tho' I do talk to him anyway.

Take care
Judith in Winnetka

Mar 02, 2011
by: Donna

I know exactly how you feel. It has been seven months and seven days and I have an extremely hard time getting through each day, but I have to think of what Bryan would want me to do, and just sitting here is definitely not one of them. So I try and teach my grandbabies about their grandpa. He was such a wonderful person, he loved his grandkids so much. I have to be grandmommy and now grandpa too. I tell Bryan often that I can't wait to be with him again. I too hope that it will not be years from now. But until God says that it is my time, I come to this site often and take one step one breath one day at a time

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