Rowan was my husbands name

by Natalya
(Christchurch, New Zealand)

He was the most beautiful man I had ever (will ever) known. He was generous, kind, fun, supportive, and so many other such words. He was only 44yrs old, we had been married for 8yrs and six weeks after the birth of our baby girl he went away for work and that was the last time I would see him alive. Rowan suffered a major heart attack, alone in a hotel room. This is one of the hardest things to accept, that he wasn't at home. There are so many if onlys and whys and even though you know there is no point to them you can't help but ask. I now have to raise our daughter by myself, and I am so thankful that I have her to make my days more bearable but it's all so unfair that she won't ever know a half of herself, we don't even have one photo of the three of us. I am 34yrs old, a mum, a widow, I make it through each day because I have no choice but I miss him so much. I could go on, but the tears have now made it hard to read the screen. I am sorry to all of you out there that have also lost your hearts, at least we had them for sometime, it's more than a lot of people.

Comments for Rowan was my husbands name

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Apr 10, 2012
Thank you for your supportive words.
by: Natalya

It amazes me how we manage to continue. I take great joy in my daughter, a year she will be next week. It is lovely to see her grow but also heartbreaking to know her father never experienced any of these joys. It is also hard knowing that effectively she is the last to know what she has lost. Thank you for your support, it is comforting and I am very sorry for each of your losses. When we are suffering so much it, we feel like we are the first to experience so much pain and although I wish this not upon anyone it is a comfort to read of those who are going through the same and have started to see some point to it all at the other side, I only hope I can one day say the same. Warmest of regards.

Apr 01, 2012
Rowan
by: M Mack

Natalya,
My heart goes out to you for your loss. I know this is the worst thing for any human being to endure....the regret, heartache, and want for your love. Tears are good, they refresh the soul in a cleansing sort of way. This grief journey takes so much of your time, and limits your ability to carry on with everyday tasks. There is no easy shortcut. I still have very bad days since Raymond, my spouse passed 20 months ago. He was alone at home and I regret that everyday. Why are we given so much then taken away in a moment - i'll never get that. Take care of yourself and your daughter as she grows and needs your support. Writing and reading thru this site has helped me tremendously and I encourage you to reach out when you need to. We are always here and you are never alone. Take care and I'll remember you in my prayers.

Mar 31, 2012
We Will Survive........
by: TrishJ

I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband passed away 16 months ago. I still miss him every day and long just to hear his voice....see his smile....feel his hug.
All you can do is your best. You were thrown into this new life and nothing about it is familiar. I feel like a toddler most days. I have to learn how to live all over again, without him.
All you can do is your best. Your children depend on you but you have to take care of yourself. If you aren't in a good place, they won't be either.
It's not easy. Don't expect too much from yourself for some time. Your body, your mind and your heart are all readjusting. It's the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It's a constant work in progress.
Can you take comfort in knowing that your husband will always love you? That love never dies. Only their physical body dies. The love and spirit is always with us.
I like to think I'm making my husband proud by being strong for our children. There are still days I curl up cry for most of it. Then I feel better and feel able to carry on.
God bless. I hope you find some strength today.

Mar 31, 2012
Your loss of Rowan
by: M Mack

Natalya,
My heart goes out to you for your loss. I know this is the worst thing for any human being to endure....the regret, heartache, and want for your love. Tears are good, they refresh the soul in a cleansing sort of way. This grief journey takes so much of your time, and limits your ability to carry on with everyday tasks. There is no easy shortcut. I still have very bad days since Raymond, my spouse passed. He was alone at home and I regret that everyday. Why are we given so much then taken away in a moment - i'll never get that. Take care of yourself and your daughter as she grows and needs your support. Writing and reading thru this site had helped me tremendously and I encourage you to reach out when you need to. We are always here and you are never alone. Take care and I'll remember you in my prayers.

Mar 30, 2012
So sorry
by: Kim

I loss my husband at 48 On Mother's Day of 2011 of a heart attack so I know what ur going thru an it doesn't matter if he passed away at home or else where we still ask ourselves the why's etc my hubby died on our bedroom floor to this day I stll didn't realize that he had died never in a million years did I think he was gone....I can't believe it is comming up to a year since I loss him not aday goes by that I don't think off him at least u have ur lil girl as a part of him myself we had no kids together but he'll always be in my heart...Good Luck to you

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