Ryan Shawn Ouelette, my brother and best friend - forever young
by Rena Ouelette
May 27th, 2012 I lost my big brother Ryan the only person in my life that I could count on supporting me; unconditionally from a drug overdose that took an amazing loyal loving as real as they get man with a heart of gold and smile that would light up the darkest room.. and forever changed the person I am today. That morning I got a phone call at about 5 am "he's dead he's dead!! I found him laying on the grass dead!! I tried to save him! " I say what?!? No your lying I hang up the phone and call the police.. I tell them about the call they tell me someone will call me back.. Seconds felt like days .. I try to call m parents who were asleep .. No answer, I wait and call the hospital and they tell me to call the RCMP.. I can't wait anymore so I drive to the police station but no ones there I call from the phone outside and tell them about the call I give them my brothers name and they tell me to stay there someone is on there way .. I ask them if I should stay or if I'm over reacting they tell me to stay put and don't go..that moment I knew he was gone the office finally gets there and tells me what I've been dreading "your brother Ryan was found dead ... I fall to my knees and scream and cry I get into my car to go home to call my parents and tell them there son is dead.. A friend packed my things for the 600 km trip to my hometown..as I lay in my bed a complete mess I beg for this all to be a dream and to just wake up!!! It was real..
My brother had his share of drug and legal problems he had spent a large part of his adult life in jail but finally had got a new lease on life and went to treatment and it worked he was Ryan again and so happy and full of life .. Bonding with his nieces was soo important and became priority for him and moved in with my 2 daughters and I .. We were a big family again and everyone was soooo happy .. It was funny people used to laugh cause I would go to work and Ryan would stay home and take care of the kids , cook dinner and clean.. But it worked for us!
3 days before Ryan died my daughter was going to my parents house for a visit in our home town and I asked Ryan if he would ride on the bus with her he said yes .. The night I took them to the bus we went and had coffee and laughed our faces off at everything .. I remember it was time to get on the bus so I went on to put my daughter in her seat , I thought it was gonna be the ordinary see u in a couple days but it wasn't .. I was ready to get off and my brother grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug and said "I love you little sister" I looked at him and said I love you too..I then said why are you acting like were never gonna see each other again ?!? Then both just started laughing as we were holding up the bus from leaving . That was my last goodbye to my brother..
I often wonder if he knew something would happen and why that goodbye was so great.. Maybe he saw what we didn't .. A question ill never get an answer for ..
Since my brother left me here to face this unfair world alone 1 year 5 months and 12 days ago my life has been a daily struggle to put on a fake smile and pretend that I'm ok, cause I'm not I miss him more everyday .. They say time heals ..it doesn't .. It get worse and worse I don't even really think its fully sunken in yet I have to say out loud everyday my brother is dead and he's not coming back and it hasn't gotten any easier...