Ryan Shawn Ouelette, my brother and best friend - forever young

by Rena Ouelette
(Bc canada)

May 27th, 2012 I lost my big brother Ryan the only person in my life that I could count on supporting me; unconditionally from a drug overdose that took an amazing loyal loving as real as they get man with a heart of gold and smile that would light up the darkest room.. and forever changed the person I am today. That morning I got a phone call at about 5 am "he's dead he's dead!! I found him laying on the grass dead!! I tried to save him! " I say what?!? No your lying I hang up the phone and call the police.. I tell them about the call they tell me someone will call me back.. Seconds felt like days .. I try to call m parents who were asleep .. No answer, I wait and call the hospital and they tell me to call the RCMP.. I can't wait anymore so I drive to the police station but no ones there I call from the phone outside and tell them about the call I give them my brothers name and they tell me to stay there someone is on there way .. I ask them if I should stay or if I'm over reacting they tell me to stay put and don't go..that moment I knew he was gone the office finally gets there and tells me what I've been dreading "your brother Ryan was found dead ... I fall to my knees and scream and cry I get into my car to go home to call my parents and tell them there son is dead.. A friend packed my things for the 600 km trip to my hometown..as I lay in my bed a complete mess I beg for this all to be a dream and to just wake up!!! It was real..

My brother had his share of drug and legal problems he had spent a large part of his adult life in jail but finally had got a new lease on life and went to treatment and it worked he was Ryan again and so happy and full of life .. Bonding with his nieces was soo important and became priority for him and moved in with my 2 daughters and I .. We were a big family again and everyone was soooo happy .. It was funny people used to laugh cause I would go to work and Ryan would stay home and take care of the kids , cook dinner and clean.. But it worked for us!
3 days before Ryan died my daughter was going to my parents house for a visit in our home town and I asked Ryan if he would ride on the bus with her he said yes .. The night I took them to the bus we went and had coffee and laughed our faces off at everything .. I remember it was time to get on the bus so I went on to put my daughter in her seat , I thought it was gonna be the ordinary see u in a couple days but it wasn't .. I was ready to get off and my brother grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug and said "I love you little sister" I looked at him and said I love you too..I then said why are you acting like were never gonna see each other again ?!? Then both just started laughing as we were holding up the bus from leaving . That was my last goodbye to my brother..
I often wonder if he knew something would happen and why that goodbye was so great.. Maybe he saw what we didn't .. A question ill never get an answer for ..

Since my brother left me here to face this unfair world alone 1 year 5 months and 12 days ago my life has been a daily struggle to put on a fake smile and pretend that I'm ok, cause I'm not I miss him more everyday .. They say time heals ..it doesn't .. It get worse and worse I don't even really think its fully sunken in yet I have to say out loud everyday my brother is dead and he's not coming back and it hasn't gotten any easier...

Comments for Ryan Shawn Ouelette, my brother and best friend - forever young

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Nov 23, 2013
Just Love
by: Anonymous

Your brother is still with you, and is doing his best to show you a better life.....trust me. It took me a while to understand my lost loved ones were giving me signs and blessings disguised as hardships....look for the lesson in everything and be the healthiest most positive you that you can be. Love people, and help people and give yourself to others and make the world a better place....that's all you can do...because he's watching over you and wants you to make the best of this until you meet again! Enjoy your moments here on this earth as he was trying to do before he left....out yourself into your kids and forgive those who need to be forgiven. Life is too short to look back in regret and sadness....instead, devote your life to being the kind of person he wanted to be :) I found this has helped me immensely with my losses.....

Nov 11, 2013
Your brother - forever young
by: Anonymous

My 30 year old son, is also forever young. And I lost him to a drug overdose. He had good years and bad. The last couple of weeks were crazy. He had travelled with a friend, but when he returned he needed his drugs. Everything happened so fast. The night he got home he got ahold of some drugs. I stayed up with him the whole night. He was high, but told me he loved me and his dad, and was so sorry for letting us down. He said it wasn't our fault. I said to him please don't die. Don't let me be a mom that has lost a child. I told him I would do anything for him. He was ok the next day, and we signed him up for rehab. But he never made it. On Monday morning I left for work at about 8 am, but about 11:30 am, he was gone. He went back and had to have the drug (heroin) one more time. And this time it was the last. I have learned so much about the horrible pull of drugs since then. I was always try to get him straight, and he was also trying hard. He had a college degree and had held good jobs, but life was a struggle. Its only been six months, and I'm still just can't get over losing him. He was such a good person. I'm sorry for your loss and mine, and everyone who's had to suffer. With addiction, you always wonder if you could have done something to save them. We had taken him to a psychiatrist, had him on antidepressants and had him on a suboxene regimen, don't know how it happened.

Nov 10, 2013
broken heart
by: Anonymous

Im sorry to read about your loss honey. Love yourself everyday and value your life so you stay safe for your daughters xxoo

Nov 10, 2013
Ryan Shawn Ouelette, my brother and best friend - forever young
by: Doreen UK

Rena I am sorry for your loss of your brother. Death is so very cruel. When it comes it is the worst feeling ever. Death is so FINAL. There is no coming back from this. This is what hurts more and more each day. There is an emptiness in the place that once was a place of happiness and harmony in a family now fractured by loss.
None of us will ever know the pain of losing someone until it becomes personal to us. Not something we can imagine. I listened for years of someone who had died and it didn't mean anything because I had no connection with the person who died. It is not till this becomes personal to us that the full realization of death impacts our lives forever. Death tears at our soul with such a crushing pain that we feel we will never be released from the pain and sorrow. My heart goes out to you for your loss and to your parents who lost a son.

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