Sad, and Alone

by Lauren
(California)

Hello,
I am new to this site and have read through some of the stories and have found them to be very helpful.

I was in a relationship for 8 years…8 wonderful years. We were not married (please don’t judge there were reasons) but he was my best friend. We decided to go our separate ways one month ago, and I’m so lost. We had been dealing with a few issues that we could not seem to resolve and life just got in the way…I wake up every morning wondering how it all went away. Morning and nights are the worst. I find myself picturing him relaxing at home with me, laughing or making a mess in the kitchen. I dream of him every night and when I wake the pain just rushes in and I have to remember that he’s gone.

We no longer have contact and I just don’t know what to do with all the memories…if I don’t keep myself busy I just cry. I had so many hopes and dreams for us and I don’t know how to move on. I can’t imagine going to dinner or out on the town with anyone else. I miss his hands, his skin, his smell, his smile…I just keep waiting for the pain to go away but it doesn’t.

The holidays were the worst and my birthday is next week and I don’t assume that will be any better either. I feel so foolish because of all this. I mean it’s just a break up right? But there is a hole that is missing and I feel like I’m living someone else’s life now.

Comments for Sad, and Alone

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Mar 21, 2011
Pain so Deep
by: Anonymous

It doesn't matter that a piece of paper was or wasn't involved in your commitment to one another! My partner and I are not allowed to get married, but it certainly is hurting, just like a divorce. I am floored that she has given up on US after 7 years. I am sure that you have built a life together as well. We own a house and have 3 dogs. All our finances and debt are together. We work in the same place. The end of this means the end of so much! I feel your hurt and pain! I wish you well through your healing and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Jan 13, 2011
Thank You
by: Lauren

Thank you all for your comments. You have no idea how nice it is to hear from people who really know how this feels. I hold my thoughts and feelings in all day at work and then I just fall apart at home. My Birthday was yesterday and it was the hardest day. The hardest part was celebrating with others and trying to be happy when I was suffering inside. This really has turned into a roller coaster of emotions. I think I'm beginning to accept that "we" are no longer and it's just "me" now. But, some days I'm still in shock.

A friend told me that the fastest way to get over the pain is to date, so I posted an account on an online dating thing and it made me feel sooooooo much worse. I deleted it a few days later. How can I even look at another man? He was my man for 8 years...I'm not sure that I will ever be ready to date again but, I have to focus on taking care of myself. It sounds weird but, sometimes I feel the pain lifting and I feel guilty. Almost like the pain is my only reminder that he was real and we did once have a beautiful life together. I feel guilty because if the pain goes away then so does he...but he is gone, pain or no pain.

This just sucks...Anyway, I do really appreciate the feedback, your words have brought me comfort tonight. Hang in there everyone, we can do this!

Jan 10, 2011
i get it...
by: Anonymous

i was married for 8 yrs- gave my heart and soul to this person and he just up and left. he was secretly addicted to child porn and rather than facing it he left me. now its 9 months later and i feel as you do- even suicidal some days.

Jan 09, 2011
the same
by: Anonymous

Dear Lauren in California, 5 years ago I had a friend from India who a year later turned into more than a friend, much more. I had 4 of the most unreal years a person could have with another person. The traveling, the love, the friendship, I have heard that some people have a love that increases daily and it is very rare. This was that love, beyond a shadow of doubt, he was my soulmate, he was a love I had known in a past life, he was as crazy about me as I was him, It was equal.

The mother of the boy called one evening and 2 weeks later he was on a plane to go home, get engaged and 6 weeks later will be married. To a girl that he does not know, for an exchange of 40 acres of land that will go to his family to secure his parents future. He said that had his brother not died he would have never been born.

His job was to provide for their retirement, and all of his education has been for that effect. Devastated? the most devastating thing I have gone through in my entire life; was and is; the last 6 weeks. I can only say that I could have never done this to him, and am amazed that he could do it to me.

For the last 5 weeks, I have cried all day- every day. depressed is an understatement. I cannot watch TV, listen to music, read a book or surf the web, and my phone not ringing or getting text from him a million times a day, which means the silence is deafening.

And then the good has started to shine through- I was beginning to think it would never come, and I am finally getting some relief. I can eat, breathe, watch a movie, read again, talk without crying or explaining to every stranger I meet I am going through a terrible tragedy. I am beginning to feel like me again, and I missed me.

I am glad to find me again, I am looking forward to tomorrow when I will get to spend even more time with me. And I know that as bad as what this experience has been, I would do it again, I don't regret it, I learned from it- and I am praying that soon you will feel the same. Because you will get on the other side of this pain. And the sun is shining over here, and your life is full of possibility and you will be open to it again. In Christ love- Alabama.

Jan 07, 2011
Dear Sad and Alone
by: Pam

Welcome to the lonely hearts club. I have been without my husband now for 49 days, and like you, feel like a part of me is missing, because it is. When you are in a loving relationship I feel that two become one in all ways, instead of you or I, it turns into "we". That will be a big hurdle for us to get over, learning to be a "me" again, and like it or not, we need to do it.

I have no answers, but I know that reading other peoples messages give me hope that it can be done. We will never forget our other half, but we can learn to live without them, because we have to. Hang in there, the holidays were horrible I agree, and I am sure your birthday will be as well, but you can get thru it. Do something out of the ordinary, go to a friends house, whatever, but do something for you. Easier said than done, but I hope you can.
Praying for you!
Pam

Jan 07, 2011
Dear Lauren
by: Anonymous

Eight years is a long time to be in a relationship, married or not. I was married for 11 years to what I thought was my soul mate.

The loss of someone so close to us is truly like losing a part of you. Just like when you lose a part of you, there is a hole...an empty spot or void that you feel the need to fill. It often feels like we can't go on without that person in our lives because much of our day was consumed with doing things with them.

In my situation I learned that I had defined myself by him. The feelings I felt weren't just sadness and depression, they were confusion and feeling lost. I had to reinvent myself and embrace my freedom!

I started by going to a local grief support group ran at a church. I had no idea that those things existed. I met a lot of other people that were experiencing the same thing I had been going through. It was the most empowering feeling in the world to hear them say the same things that were going through my head. All of a sudden a burden had been lifted.

I could sing the praise of the book advertised on the site here, but truth is I never read it. I can only say to you that you are alive and have a chance to love and live again so embrace it. Don't be afraid of new chapters in your life and new experiences. You WILL love again, and love deeper...even though that doesn't seem possible at the moment.

Cherish your family and friends, and keep your faith. Only you can find your own recipe to healing. The hurting doesn't last forever.

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