Sad and Missing My Son, Sean 24 yr. old, Committed Suiside...
by Kelly Greaney
(Santa Clarita, CA, USA)
No words can express how I feel, but it's beginning to feel more real each day since my son's death four weeks ago. My first born son, Sean was only 24 and he chose to take his life in my backyard where I found him on our hillside hanging from a tree. I was too afraid to go up the hill all the way, so I didn't see his face, but only his legs which looked like he could have been lying down against the hill. I screamed for my husband, Sean's step-dad to get up there and to please tell me he's just past out. I ran into the house and called 911 when I heard Brent screaming, NO, NO, NO! Our neighbor who is a fireman, heard us screaming and ran up the hill to help Brent. Brent had already took him down holding him in his arms, and Bill my neighbor came in the house to tell me he was gone.
It was May 20, 2012, the day before and although his car was parked at our home he wasn't in his room when I opened his door quickly and closed it, so I assumed he got picked up by a friend. I never heard him come in that night, but when I woke up the next day on May 21, 2012 to get ready for work, I went outside and still saw his car parked there. I went back to his room and noticed his wallet and keys were on the dresser. He had also left some drug paraphernalia out on his bed which he would have never left for us to find. He had already been kicked out for this, and on numerous occasions, we had sent him to rehab. He also sought help on his own and we found evidence of that by finding antidepressants. I began to panic and quickly called his brother, Kevin. Kevin said he had last seen him the day before in the morning trying to get some more heroine. He couldn't get him enough, and told him he would hook up with him later. We were gone at the beach with all the dogs. My mother was staying with us, and she saw Sean asking him if he wanted breakfast. He told her he wasn't hungry, but gave her a big hug and told her he was glad she was here staying at our house. That's the last time anyone had seen him. I asked his brother Kevin on the phone where would he have gone and would he have left all his stuff wide open for us to find? Kevin began to panic too, and said he been threatening suicide and that he was carrying a rope in his car. I ran out to his car, but he wasn't in there, and then something told me to look in the backyard up our big hill full of mature trees. I didn't have my glasses on, but thought I saw something out of place. I panicked, got my glasses, started running up the hill.
This is when my nightmare began. My son was dead. A kind loving soul who struggled with depression and eventually drug addiction. He couldn't find any way out, and decided that suicide was the answer. He has left so many broken hearts; friends, girl friend, ex-girl friends, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, two dads, and most of all a shattered mother. I will never get over his death, but I choose to seek the most out of life one day at a time. I've done the could have, should have's and would have's, but I'm told that it's not my fault although I don't always feel that way. It is very soon since that horrible day, and it's still very raw. He was such a handsome young man, smart, athletic, humerus, and very loving... what went wrong?
If it wasn't for all the support from friends, co-workers, family and most of all from God I don't think I would be as okay as I am today. This is helping me to write about my son's death, and it helps to talk to people about it. I just miss him so much, and wish he was still her. Thanks for allowing me to post, and I hope to get to know some of you who feel the only way a parent of a deceased child could feel. God bless you all, and God bless my son and my other two children who are doing well considering. Love you Sean Donald Greaney--Rest In Paradise! Until we meet again...