by Krissy
(NY, NY)

She was an amazing woman. I know everyone says that about their mom, but mine truly was an exceptional example of a human being. Honest to the boot, loving and unwavering dedication to anything she made a commitment to. She was 59. Died suddenly of a massive heart attach 4 months ago. I am 34. I am lost without her. My entire life, she has been my anchor. No matter the mistakes I made she never wavered in her loyalty to me and my brother. I feel so lost. I ended a 3 year relationship after her death, have gained so much weight, have lost all interest in socializing. I just want to be home, watch mindless sitcoms and drink. I don't know what to do. Does it ever get better? I am grateful so have a sibling who is a kind and good man. He is due to get married in August and he is the only family I have left in this world. I am thankful we live in the same city but I think boys cope with grief a little different than girls. I don't want to burden him because I am his big sis. I don't know what to do? Not a day goes by that I don't cry uncontrollably. People have told me that one doesn't mourn properly when they are drunk. So I stopped drinking from Sunday through Thursday. Why am I still crying and going through such heart wrenching grief on Monday, tuesday, wednesday and Thursday?

She was 59, in great health, and she drops dead of a massive heart attack. I miss her so much. We spoke every single day of my life no matter where in the world I was. Now I don't know what to do. I go to work but only because it's my own business but I can barely motivate myself. Does it get better? Do you accept it?

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May 13, 2014
by: Anonymous

I share your sadness my mum was a feeble 83 year old but I loved and miss her so much. Unlike your mum mine was slowly going downhill and I thought I would accept her death and when it happened it was a shock to my system and I was numb. It was ten months ago, I cry daily and only for my kids I would lose the will to live. Her memories are everywhere and I can't believe she is gone forever. My advice is to take it day by day, keep busy but give yourself time to grieve and cry. This is my grief time, when my kids are in bed and my husband watching TV I make tea and read this website, answer posts and generally think of mum who was so special and deeply loved. You are not alone and grief is natural. I am sorry for your loss, look after yourself.Therese.

Apr 08, 2014
by: Doreen UK

Krissy I am so sorry for your loss of your mom. The way you are feeling is normal except for one aspect. ALCOHOL just postpones grief rather like masking the pain for a while and then it comes back worse. Leave off the drink for good. Find yourself a good counsellor and talk your heart out to someone who won't judge you, but listen and offer you the best support that friends or family may be unable to offer you.
You will get through this feeling of sadness in time. RAW GRIEF is so hard to cope with because all you feel is this awful pain that you can't take medication for, and seems to go on forever. Secret is TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Next thing to do is PAMPER your self and do this each day till you make it a way of life. This is the best foundation to healing. Crying is good grief so let it come whenever it happens. It won't last forever. Honour your feelings. Mother's are our nurturers, our lifeline, our everything. No matter how old we are we will never outgrow our mothers. At least you have a job and you are trying your best to be there. The one problem we suffer the most after grief is LOSS OF MOTIVATION. I couldn't move off the couch for 6 months. I couldn't do anything. My body and mind hurt. I nurtured myself like I am asking you to do for yourself. I then after 6 months started taking one job a day and then two. Some days I couldn't manage this. I didn't fret. I waited till I felt I was able to move myself to work and get my motivation back. Some days good, some days bad. But each day was a new day. I didn't carry yesterdays into a new day. I took ONE DAY AT A TIME. I still do. I can't look beyond today. You will find that you get your strength back and you will become that happy person again. It will take time though. Grief feels like an assault to our whole SELF. You didn't do this to yourself and you will have to be patient with yourself till things start changing from day to day. And they will. Don't give up Hope. Be kind to yourself. Best wishes.

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