Saturday night

by Parisa
(Toronto )

I lost him four months ago in mid June 2010. I had to fly back home and missed the funeral. It felt like a bad nightmare in which you cannot feel anything just watch things happen. My dad did not wake up after an emergency bypass surgery. I sometimes think what if he had not gone through with it...Tonight I was watching my brother's wedding DVD to see us happy and smiling again. He was a wonderful man, tough on the outside but had a golden heart inside. I miss him and am just hoping to see him one day in some form again...too much to ask? I do not know. I am going on with my everyday life but feel empty and old. I feel I am not a child anymore like all the cords to that old life, to my childhood have been abruptly cut...I still need my daddy and feel abandoned but I am not mad at him... I am just so sad...and I just miss him so much. God bless us all, being a human is hard!