Saying goodbye when I was only 19
(San Diego )
So my mother died nine months ago. From metastatic colon cancer. She was diagnosed a day before Thanks Giving in 2010. My mom and I were so close. She was. My best friend, my go- to, my everything. Suddenly she's sick, suddenly she's gone. This whole nightmare started when she began to have trouble using her left hand for small motor skills. One day she freaked out and I suggested she just go to urgent care to get it checked out. At the time I reassured her she was fine, that it was a muscle strain. Urgent care sent her to the ER because they thought it was an on-comming stroke. When I heard the news from my dad via cell phone that she was waiting in the ER I met her there. I remember sitting with her holding her hand still reassuring nothing serious was wrong. The a Doctor came in to our room and broke the news. He said in a cold stale voice, " we found 5 tumors in your brain" I'm going to need to admit you and run more tests. It was just my mom and I, there to receive this news. My mother started crying and I held her. Still telling her we will make it through this you will survive. I stepped out to call my dad. I had to be the one to tell. My dad. And everyone else the news. I had to hold it together to tell people. When all I wanted to do was scream and cry and beg the universe to ***king heal my mother. Over the next couple of days the doctors found tumors in her colon, lungs, and liver, as well as her head. For the first week I got high every day. And I an not a pot head by any means. But I was so overwhelmed. I wasn't eating or sleeping. I then began to be as helpful as I could be. I'd say one of the hardest parts was my mother not accepting that she was going to die. I hated the reality...but it was the truth. And I just wanted to talk about it.
I could go on forever about each detail and how her death affected me. But the truth is I miss her everyday. I am happy about other aspects of my life. But I just want. My mom back.