Saying Goodbye

by Sara Chakir
(St albans, Herts )

My name is Sara i'm 15 years of age and i wanted to share my story with you.

My sister Jamila who was born 17th October 2003 was born with Cerebral Palsy and suffered with severe Brain Damage and unfortunately passed away 22nd March 2010.

It was my Birthday 12th March 2010. I arrived home from school to find my mum upset that i wasn't doing well in school and she was upset and disappointed with me and my dad was extremely disappointed with how i was doing, this turned into an argument. Finding out that i wasn't allowed a birthday that year i was extremely upset and sat on the sofa all day Saturday moody. This wasn't the great start to the weekend, my mum offered to go out and take my sister out and i was selfish enough to say no.

On Sunday 14th March my sister was off to respite care for my parents to have a break for the night and i waved my sister goodbye and kissed her on the forehead. The next day after school i arrived home to my dad saying my mum rushed my sister to hospital because she wasn't well, i was worried but deep down new she would be fine because many of times Jamila was fine. As the week progressed she became worse and worse and was staying at Chase farm hospital in Enfield where my mum and my sister could stay. On Thursday morning my dad rang the school and said Sara and Samir would be off for a couple of day due to their Sister being ill. I got changed and my dad took me and my brother samir who was 16 at the time to visit my sister who was currently on C-pap fighting for her life, i sat by her bed with my mum and the nurse holding her hand and kissing her while hoping she would be fine.

The year before Jamila became seriously ill and the doctors decided if she became ill again she wouldn't be able to go to intensive care. The doctor walked into the room and said that we will see how the weekend progresses and see if she gets better and hopefully persuade another hospital to allow her into intensive care , we were all happy but hopeful at the same time. Friday morning we arrived at the hospital again to spend the day with Jamila to find her looking alot better and my mum calm and relaxed, Jamila's career arrived at the hospital to give her support to my mum and Jamila. later on in the Evening at 12am Jamila's sats dropped and her breathing got worse the doctors and nurses ran to the room my mum was staying in to wake her up and my mum said to change her tracheae the doctors changed her tracheae but she still was breathing properly, the antithesis was called and arrived to find all the doctors standing around Jamila's bed and decided to start bagging Jamila, my dad was called to come straight to the hospital with my brother and i, i jumped out of bed and put my clothes on. We arrived as quick as possible to find my mum crying and the Antithesis still bagging. My brother begged the doctor to do more but he said "stay out of it" and said to my parents you need to decide to carry on bagging or take her off and let her pass away. i sat while this was happening and stood by my sister holding her hands while tears where falling down her cheek.

from 12am to 4am they bagged and bagged then my parents decided to take her off to let her go, my brother walked away to go to another room while my mum,dad and i stayed in the room, i held my sister in my arms while they stopped bagging and kissed her, her lips when pale and her face went pale she was crying , it was so horrible to see someone know they are going to die, as i held her upwards it was like a miracle, her sats went up and she went pink again, i screamed to the doctors to say continue treatment. the treatment continued and i held my sister all day hoping she would get much better and thanked God we got a 2nd chance.

Sunday 21st March 2010, the hospital was kind enough to let my mum, my brother and i stay at the hospital to be with my sister, my dad suggested to my mum to take my brother and i out for a couple of hours to get some fresh air from the hospital, while we were out in the town we went to mother care and looked around and bought a children's book and bubbles which my sister loved. As we got back to the hospital i decided to read the book to my Sister while blowing bubbles.

While sitting with her sunday night, we decided to leave and go to bed in one of the wards they kindly let us have, the sats machine constantly went off so my mum and i got up at 2am and sat with the nurse and she kindly made us a cup of tea. Jamila woke up and we were talking to her and laughing with her about she would get a detention when she goes back to school for having to many days off and Jamila smiled and was moving around, she turned her head slowely towards us and smiled and then her sats starting beeping and said 0-0 and the nurse was confused and decided to go and change the machine but then the machine said the same thing and Jamila was gone. I screamed and walked out the room to go tell my brother, i walked down the corridor in shock as i walked past i saw the anithetist bagging on the door to get into the ward and walked straight past it and woke my brother up and said she's gone and we both cried. A nurse came in and tried to comfort us and i walked back to the room Jamila was in and she was laying there, pale and gone, i hugged my mum and kissed Jamila. The nurses called my father to come straight away and we all sat in the room crying and shocked. me and my mum dressed my sister in clothing and washed her.

7am i held my sister in my arms cuddling her, i cuddled her for about 5 hours till i had to say goodbye.
The funeral car came which was going to take Jamila to a hospice where we would be able to see her body and the nurses laid her on the bed and covered her face "NOOOO, WE HAVE NEVER COVERED HER FACE" i screamed, i was heart broken.
She laid there silent and in peace but my heart is still broken and i lost a massive part of me when she passed away.

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