Seems like the world stopped

My 21 year old niece who lived with me while going to college died suddenly due to a blood clot moving, eight months later my brother (her father) took his own life four days later my Uncle died. Six months later my girlfriend died of brain anyurism, eight months later my Dad died of a stroke, four months later my brother died of liver failure.
It has been two months since my brother died, he was an alcoholic who had been hospitalized numerous times on his death bed. He never acknowledged he had a problem and insisted he had blood disorder. Prior to my niece dying I had been helping and watching out for him as I was the only family member who lived in the same city, he did not come to any of our families funerals even our fathers he stated he was busy. I am helping my elderly Mom who having a extremely difficult time coping.
Every day is hard, working full time, worrying about my Mom, who lives two hours away and will not come live with me. Feeling I am neglecting my husband and two teenagers as on most weekends I am with my Mom.
Right now I alternate between guilt because I feel relieved he is dead, guilt that I should have done more for him and extreme angry against my brother for not being there. He was an extremely selfish person who thought of no one but himself, to see him in denial about his alcoholism over the years was difficult to take. When he did not come to my nieces funeral I did not help as much as I had been in the past. Although I had been checking up on him and tried to get him to the hospital he refused to go. I went to check on him and found him dead in his apartment, dealing with paramedics, the medical examiner cleaning out his apartment arranging his funeral. Right now I would like to run away and not have to deal with anything.

Comments for Seems like the world stopped

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Apr 05, 2014
world is stopping
by: Anonymous--MI

Hello, I too, am sorry for all the deaths in your family. It seems some families have one sorrow after another and you certainly are a witness to this. I support all that Doreen wrote and she gave good advice. Life is difficult at times and we all have to compromise and 'do our share', however you seem to be trying to do it all and you can't. Your Mother has to made some concessions also during this difficult time. She needs to remember that you have a life and a family to care for also. Try to get some help to relieve some of the burden. God Bless You.

Apr 04, 2014
Seems like the world stopped
by: Doreen UK

You seem to be in OVERLOAD and need to slow down. I am sorry for the many losses you have had in your family. You seem to be carrying the WHOLE BURDEN for EVERYONE. It is not possible to carry on the way you are. YOU NEED A BREAK. YOU NEED GOOD SUPPORT. We have our limitations and it is not possible to take on so much responsibility without paying a price in a breakdown/meltdown. I know I have done it. If you are able to see a counsellor this would be of tremendous support to you and also help you to structure your day so you have space for YOU and what you need to do for other family members. This would also be "ME TIME" for you.
Your mother could help you by being co-operative and go to live with you even if it be temporary. Your Prime responsibility is to your husband and sons and any neglect could store up anger for later. You need to PRIORITIZE. A counsellor could help you here. When one is pulled in all directions it can be very difficult to prioritize who should receive the immediate care. Your husband and sons will be understanding, but this can only work in the short term. Not long term. You will be the one to suffer emotionally in the end. Either way someone is going to feel let down. Your mother could make things easier for you in the short term by being with you in your home so you could be in one place caring for everyone. You also have a job. So what gives? You need to also take GOOD CARE of yourself otherwise everyone will suffer. Another short term solution would be to get some short term care for your mother where she is if she doesn't want to go to your home. You CAN'T DO IT ALL. It is not possible to be in two places caring for everyone. I hope you can work something out. You also need support to grieve for all your losses of people from your life. If it all piles up you can keep a journal and pour out all your feelings and pain here and it will get it out of your system. Of course it will feel as if the world has stopped (and you want to get off). This is how one feels when at breakdown point when it all gets too much to bear. I HAVE BEEN THERE AND KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. Please write back with an update. I hope days ahead get better for you.

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