Selfish guilt or delayed greif?

This all probably seems selfish and pointless in comparison to what others have experienced but I have found myself grieving more and more lately for a relationship I lost through my own doing, over 20 years ago. I know this is weird but there seems to be nothing I can do about it.

I am now happily married and have two smashing children of whom I am very proud. I am financially comfortable despite the economic situation and I have a very satisfying and challenging job.

Despite all this, I have found myself longing to contact someone I had an 18 month relationship with, over 20 years ago. I have no right to feel this way as I was the one who ended that relationship. It was not clear why back then, and time has blurred any reason for doing so. There was no one else involved. I find myself missing her so much on many levels.

I am not stupid and understand that there is no reason why this person would give me a second thought nowadays, but I really am grieving over the hole in my life that seems to be opening up for no reason. It is a real feeling of hopelessness which I find I have to give in to and let pass ..like sleeping through fog...rejection-like grief.

The worst thing is that when I get down, I cannot discuss my depresssed state with anyone as I don’t understand the reasons or the implications for this. There is nothing missing in my life that I should need to replace, and I don't fanticise over rekindling something that has been gone for such a long time, but I have lost the thread of why I ended the relationship and can’t escape from the feelings of loss and guilt…Mostly guilt.
I should be contented at this time in my life, but I can’t seem to let this go now for reasons I don’t understand...and it is getting worse.

Comments for Selfish guilt or delayed greif?

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Jan 01, 2012
BEST TO LEAVE IT ALONE.
by: Judith in California

DO NOT CONTACT THAT PERSON. YOU ARE A MARRIED WOMAN AND HAPPY , YOU SAY. SO WHY WOULD YOU OPEN THAT BUCKET OF WORMS. THERE WAS A REASON YOU TWO BROKE UP. LEAVE IT THE HECK ALONE. RESPECT YOUR MATE AND CHILREN AND LEAVE IT ALONE.

Nov 09, 2011
I am going through the exact same thing!
by: Ilana

My mother passed away a year and a half ago from Ovarian Cancer and I still cannot come to terms with her death. Everyone including my Dad and brother have moved on, but I can't seem to move on. I am speaking to a counselor and if you can believe it, they classified me as having major depression due to grief. Antidepressants seem to help, but I don't want to be taking them forever. In my case, my mother and I were not close as we fought alot and I thought I would have more time to work this out with her, but I ran out of time. I believe this is why I can't move on. It seems like this is not normal, but the reality is that we lost someone close to us and closing that chapter on our life is close to impossible.

Nov 08, 2011
you have every right
by: Anonymous

you have every right to feel the way you do. When we are young we make decisions based on our naivety and lack of wisdom within ourselves. I have a lot of major regrets but that is okay! We are not perfect but we do the best that we can. I think it would give you closure if you contacted her and just told her how you felt... who knows you might be wrong. I think it is important to expose your feelings because life is too short to hide them. I really hope that you find the courage to face them before it is too late. I'll bet she thinks of you as well and I'll bet you will feel better if you knew...

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