by Yvonne

I feel so selfish but I just want him here to take care of me. I am so lonely and I am so tired. I miss him so much. Roger died over 8 months ago. He was my life. We talked we laughed we loved. We would go on long rides and and just loved being together. I don't know what to do. Everyone says find something to do. What? Everything we did we did together. I have no friends. No one to say- hey let's go grab a bite to eat. I honestly don't think I can do this. I have turned off all emotions so I stop crying in front of people. I get through each day and come home and cry myself to sleep. I wish it had been me instead of him. He would know how to handle this. I love you Roger so much!

Comments for Selfish

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Apr 08, 2011
by: jules

A quote from another poster - truer words were never spoken - hope she doesn't mind me re-posting here -

"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is.
The way we cope with it is what makes the difference."
1 step, 1 breath at a time
take care jules

Apr 08, 2011
A Man
by: Rick

I am a man i lost the love of my life Marsha almost 2 months ago. We were married for over 40 years she was 58. Please do not say it would be easy for Rodger,i am here to tell you that this does SUCK. We also did every thing together grandkids baseball, long rides and yes going out to eat. I have been crying every day and at nite in our bed alone. I still come home look for her car in front of the house, open the door to hope to see her waiting with such a great smile. But i know now she is gone never to come home again. When it got close to the end i would always say to her ITS YOU AND ME KID FOR ALL ETERNITY. I will be with her again. This is a great place for me to vent THANKYOU ALL GOD BLESS

Apr 08, 2011
We need to be selfish
by: Judy


After toiling along this miserable path for 15 months it is my opinion that you must be self centered and yes, selfish to get through the grief time. As I looked back at my postings I said almost the exact same things at the 8th month mark. Eight months is a very tough juncture for some reason. I think the loneliness has really set in, the very process of living leaves you exhausted and everyone else has moved on with their life except you, and you're still reeling from having your life completely shattered. Just when you need comfort and hugs the most everyone is gone.

I can only tell you to let the grief take the emotions where it will, and that it will get better. Just hang on and believe it will get easier. Meanwhile we are always here.


Apr 07, 2011
by: Zoe

I understand how you feel. John was my world. When he was taken from me, well I still say I do not want to do this without him. You know in your heart your beloved would not want you in his place, that is how you start the fight, because they would want us to.

I did not want to be around others, even my children, nothing gave me solace.
It has been a year for me and I can tell you that the pain you feel takes a different form, becomes more livable.

And know you are not alone we are here, always, and we understand
One breath, one step, one day at a time.

Apr 07, 2011
offer of a friend
by: Judith in California

Yvonne, where do you live in California. I live in Winnetka so if you're close to me e-mail me at and we can get a bite to eat.

I know too well what you're feeling

Apr 07, 2011
Me Too.....
by: TrishJ

Oh Yvonne~
I really wish I lived in California. I would be your friend. I live in cold, damp, rainy and foggy today Chicago. None of my friends have lost their husbands so I'm the trail blazer of the group. It totally sucks (I really hate that word but it does). I was to attend a friend's wake tonight with an old co-worker but I just couldn't bring myself to go. It's too emotional right now. It's only been 4 months. I miss Joe so much it hurts. We too did everything together.

If it had been Roger instead of you do you really think he would've been able to cope? Men sometimes appear to be strong but when it comes to losing someone they love they often go to pieces. Please don't feel like you're being selfish. You lost your love ~ it feels to me like I lost an appendage. I'm having to learn to live all over again. The nights are the worst. Lonely, lonely, lonely. Everyone says it does get better eventually. You (like me) have not had any of the getting better part yet. I hope you do find some joy.
Blessings to you.

Apr 07, 2011
Be selfish and self centered!


Once you have grieved yourself sick and just can't stand the I can't do this! What the @#$%^ am I doing? What am I supposed to be doing? Kinda feeling use that same selfishness that wants the old life (that is unfortunately gone forever) try to figure out what YOU want.

Meaning what have YOU always wanted to do? Belly dancing? O.k so that is a little extreme. When your ready pull out a map, Where do you want to explore? And yes you can do it yourself when you are ready.

I get lost going to a Dr.s apt. even with mapquest but, I plan on traveling on the cheap this summer.

You might not be ready, you can not rush grief. But when you are ready to let go of grief (and it is Not Easy!) be selfish and self centered and really ask yourself. What would make me happy?

Good luck in your journey towards happiness. It is impossible to see at first but it waits for us to decide that we want and deserve it...

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