Sent away

When I was 15 my mom decided I was too difficult so she sent me away to live with my dad. It meant leaving my home in england, my sister, mother, grandparents, cousins, friends everyone I had ever known. I moved to canada to live with my dad and his new wife, I hated them, I hated school, I felt like an alien, no one knew of my suffering and no-one really tried to understand me. I left home at 16 and became a mother at 17,. At 18 I was a single mother. When I left england I was told to never look back and so I didn't. Now I want to grieve the loss of home, family, friendships, security, childhood, innocence and the list goes on... I don't know how tho and so I keep living behind masks.

Comments for Sent away

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Feb 21, 2012
In Pain
by: Anonymous

Wow. Is there anyone out there who raised a daughter by herself, the daughter met her biological dad by 3 years of age yet lived w/me the mom - but by age 15 wanted out! Understandably that if she only has 3 years left before college - i applaud her for telling what she needs - well - after i had to 'pry' what she had repressed for at least 2-3 years! i had to let her go - as per her needs/request! He lives/they now live across town 2 miles. i am happily re-married; all is well except for one thing. Me. I'm having this 'grief'- i did fine the first 2 weeks. Now i am not so okay. When we had a nice visit [i thought] just yesterday, it ended weirdly. She turned very emotional when i suggested to meet not just our original agreement for Sundays [3-4 hours]weekly, but 'hey maybe 1 afternoon after school and then i take you to your dad's...'
i feel so hurt inside. so rejected. that sounds funny but is true. i realize she has needs, duh. Nothing wrong with her need to live there. Nothing wrong with my allowing it but it still pains me.
She is a good kid really. She is wanting this bigger bedroom, a more spacious home for entertaining her friends [who can blame her] but there's this attitude...makes me feel like she is so repressed and is not letting her feelings out as to the what, when, why's of this! All i got to hear was ie: 'mom we have nothing in common. mom i just like dad better. mom dad lets me do anything i want. i have more freedom.'' The thing is, i gave her the same amount of freedom - never did i hold her back. The only difference is, i asked her more questions, i checked out her stories each time she was going somewhere - and the last time i did this - she had 'fibbed' as to her plans for that evening. She was someplace i w/have allowed w/a bunch of friends. So why not just tell me? No, she was planning to let her dad know at 10 p.m. or later that she needed a ride to his house - when she 'felt like' going home - to his place.
i'm in pain and kind of ticked off. What i did wrong i am not sure. i know i am imperfect. She is loved but i am i guess 'not cool' enough or have enough $, or ???
i am being told my trusted ones: 'GOOD FOR YOU - FOR LETTING HER GO - SHE NEEDS THIS!- IT'S JUST A PHASE- SHE'LL COME BACK - etc." Some have said that i should act uncaring like, just have the short visit 1x per week, drop her off at her dad's and forget about it. Move on.
Part of me wants to. Literally, move away. I am so in pain i want to run away from this area but being my age i know better. Of course i love her, but i am hurt that she is rejecting me. Maybe i am being dumb and feeling sorry for myself.
Forgive this rant.
If you pray, will you pray for me? God knows who i am. Thanks and may you be blessed also. L.C.

Dec 15, 2011
Sent Away
by: Anonymous

Your story saddens me to no end. Parents don't know they write on your life's slate permanently when they make such a decision. Your being sent away changed who you were as a child and at an age when you needed your mother the most.

To begin your grieving process for all the loss I suggest you begin to journal your feelings . Write every thought of hurt and anger down . Write every sad thought and feelings of disappointment down. As you write you will cry which will let you grieve. It is most therapeutic.

Just promise yourself to be the best mother and to learn from any mistakes you have made and not to let the sad things become an excuse to keep making unwise choices.

God bless you.

Dec 15, 2011
Grieve all u want here
by: Cally

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you realize that you are the victim of emotional abuse and abandonment and it is not your fault. All teenagers are difficult and so is being a parent that does not mean that a mother would leave her child behind. Your pain must be very strong. If i were you i would contact your mom and get some closure by telling her the way that this had made you feel. I f she is receptive then great if not leave the pain on her soul not yours.

Dec 15, 2011
Sent away
by: Anonymous

That was a terrible thing that your mother did, to send you away. You must find strength to rise up from this stronger and better. Make a plan to strengthen yourself.
For me it was to join the military and get my college education. Now it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks, because I am successfully looking after me and my family.

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