seven years and gone

by katie
(pa)

So I had a relationship with a guy for seven years and in the beginning it was great. We started dating when I was 15, he was 17, first relationship for both of us. We stuck through a lot of crap together, his brother marrying then divorcing that same year, his grandmother dying, his mom being suicidal and all of his medical things. This last thing that came up was incredibly hard for me. After almost 30 years of marriage, my parents got a divorce. Now being "grown" myself now, it was still an incredible blow for me. I knew that it was the right decision since I had wanted them to do it since I was 5, but when the reality of my dad leaving, well that's hard. I always had my dad and now he ignores me. Whenever I have a problem I have to get through it myself and I'm not used to that at all. So when I talked to my fiancee about all this, all my fears on our relationship, he just simply said everything will be fine. It still ate me up inside so I started lashing out on face book. Well any time I said anything bad about him his family flipped out and would call his mother and say god knows what about me. It got to the point that I lashed out so often cause I have no one to talk to about this that he called me up one day and said that I need to tell him when I lash out. So the next time I did I told him exactly what I wrote. His family still flipped out. This apparently was left silent for a whole week and on christmas eve 2010 he told me everyone was upset. I flipped and broke up with him. He then explained how he felt, I explained how I felt and we got back together, oh wait a stipulation. I have to go apologize to his family for breaking up with him because THEY are upset. That just opened a whole can of worms on my end, but I swallowed it and did it. I was still upset that his brother wrote something nasty on face book to me. I asked my fiancee to ask him what that meant and if he would apologize for hurting me. My fiancee would not do that, he said it's not his place. It's HIS family not mine because I am apparently nothing to them. I tried getting over this for a full month and it kept eating me inside so I flipped out "i hate your family, they are always in our business, they won't take responsibility for their actions but I always have to. That is not fair and I can't take it." He said "well I can't be with you if you hate them." and broke up with me. So now in my mind I am so hurt cause he's saying a lot of hurtful things now, he'll never be ready for kids and we were gonna start a family this october, it's my fault so why should he have to go to couples counseling, yet he came over to my house and made out with me after the break up. He is sending me so many mixed signals that I'm just staying away from him but it's hard cause we want to be friends. I feel hurt that it seems that the whole relationship was a sham, I'm not angry at him, just completely depressed about it. In my head I think of it as this great opportunity, maybe he'll grow up, apply himself, get a better job and then realize what we had and that it's worth giving up his families whatevers. In my heart I'm just completely hurt and depressed, not knowing where I want to go. I'm working on myself, there's no dating involved cause that and one night stands are not in my thoughts. I want me to be ok. But also he needs to be ok, like I can't get myself fine and then go back to a broken person. I have a lot of weird feelings:(

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