Shauna - my soulmate

by Mike
(Langley, B.C. Canada)

I lost my wife Shauna on January 6th, 2011 after a 2-1/2 year courageous battle with colon cancer, she was 50 years old.

Shauna and I met when I was 18 years old, she was 3 years older, it was pretty much love at first sight and we were married 10 days after my 19th birthday. We have 2 beautiful kids together, Sean and Natalie and were blessed with our first grandchild Emma in May of 2006.

She was there for me when I lost my Father in December of 2010 (just 1 month before); he was a great man who like my wife would stand up for you whether you were right or wrong, he had Alzheimer’s/Dementia brought on by surgery for a brain tumor and went downhill for the past 3 or so years. Those last years while tough to watch him go downhill, were a blessing.

Shauna was my wife, my lover, my very best friend, my soul-mate, my confidant, my number 1 fan and constant companion, we were rarely apart and enjoyed just “ hanging out” with each other, she was everything to me, we not only loved one other, we also “liked” each other. I knew what I had in her and knowing what was coming tried to imagine what my life would be like when she was gone, it was no where as empty as it is now. I had for many years before her initial diagnosis thought (and maybe fantasized) that we’d be one of those couples who were married for 60 or 70 years, I had always felt (and hoped) that I would die before she did.

I am very blessed to have great kids, family and close friends who have included me in their lives and who somehow seem to call just when I really need it., and it has helped greatly but I do so miss my wife. I find myself breaking down occasionally but do think I am starting to escape the fog a bit, I am no longer crying myself to sleep at night so it seems like a bit of progress.

I have renewed my faith in God and haven’t missed church since she passed, for some reason I am not angry with him, in fact I thank him for blessing me and giving me 28 years with her, I know one day I will see her again.

It is a tough haul this grief journey but I have spoken with grief counselors and close friends and read a bit on it and have found talking about it does help. Losing both my Wife and Father 34 days apart has hurt, they were the two strongest people in my life and it has changed me, my future is no longer clear. I can’t say or envision where I’ll be in a year, it is now cloudy, but I will try to remain positive and strong, I know they both would want that.