Shauna - my soulmate

by Mike
(Langley, B.C. Canada)

I lost my wife Shauna on January 6th, 2011 after a 2-1/2 year courageous battle with colon cancer, she was 50 years old.

Shauna and I met when I was 18 years old, she was 3 years older, it was pretty much love at first sight and we were married 10 days after my 19th birthday. We have 2 beautiful kids together, Sean and Natalie and were blessed with our first grandchild Emma in May of 2006.

She was there for me when I lost my Father in December of 2010 (just 1 month before); he was a great man who like my wife would stand up for you whether you were right or wrong, he had Alzheimer’s/Dementia brought on by surgery for a brain tumor and went downhill for the past 3 or so years. Those last years while tough to watch him go downhill, were a blessing.

Shauna was my wife, my lover, my very best friend, my soul-mate, my confidant, my number 1 fan and constant companion, we were rarely apart and enjoyed just “ hanging out” with each other, she was everything to me, we not only loved one other, we also “liked” each other. I knew what I had in her and knowing what was coming tried to imagine what my life would be like when she was gone, it was no where as empty as it is now. I had for many years before her initial diagnosis thought (and maybe fantasized) that we’d be one of those couples who were married for 60 or 70 years, I had always felt (and hoped) that I would die before she did.

I am very blessed to have great kids, family and close friends who have included me in their lives and who somehow seem to call just when I really need it., and it has helped greatly but I do so miss my wife. I find myself breaking down occasionally but do think I am starting to escape the fog a bit, I am no longer crying myself to sleep at night so it seems like a bit of progress.

I have renewed my faith in God and haven’t missed church since she passed, for some reason I am not angry with him, in fact I thank him for blessing me and giving me 28 years with her, I know one day I will see her again.

It is a tough haul this grief journey but I have spoken with grief counselors and close friends and read a bit on it and have found talking about it does help. Losing both my Wife and Father 34 days apart has hurt, they were the two strongest people in my life and it has changed me, my future is no longer clear. I can’t say or envision where I’ll be in a year, it is now cloudy, but I will try to remain positive and strong, I know they both would want that.

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Feb 16, 2011
Hi Mike
by: Lyn Ann

Hi Mike-
My name is Lyn Ann. I lost Jim, my hubby of 23 years, last November 20th - so for me it has been nearly 3 months. He had cancer as well - and struggled with it for about 6 months before it took him. But he had much prayer directed his way in the end and was never in any pain. For that I will be eternally thankful.

As you will see from this blog site the grieving process is a long one and you and I are really just at the beginning of it. One of the really big things I struggle with is not only the loss of my husband, lover and best friend, but also the loss of everything that defined my life. My life, as I knew it, is simply gone. It disappeared when Jim died. Nothing, nothing is the same. So it isn't as if you can someday get back to 'normal' because the old normal simply doesn't exist anymore.

It is very, very hard, but I, like you, have found great comfort in prayer and talking with the Lord. It makes the really tough times easier. He knows, He cares, He opens doors and closes others. And if you are like me, I just don't have the strength now to chart my own course. I just fling my arms in the air and drift where His current takes me.

Grieving is a process, and it takes time. But eventually we will start to knit small pieces of a new life back together again - and that new life will be so much richer because of the love we had, and even because of the loss we experienced. I am nowhere near there yet, but I believe that it exists out there somewhere and that the current is taking me there..

I'll be praying for you - take care, Lyn Ann

Feb 15, 2011
Bless You
by: Trishj

Mike~first let me say~God bless you. You have been through so much in the past few months. I lost my husband on December 3, 2010, and daily watch my mother slip further and further into dementia. It's not easy.
You seem to have such a good attitude about things. God will get us through. It's not easy. It's a tough ride.
Blessings to you. We are all here for you.

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