She couldn't live without him

My wonderful dad dropped down dead on 14th July 2011, he was only 60 years old and died from hypertensive heart disease. It was such a complete shock, that shock proved to be a useful buffer in those early days. My parents had a very close marriage, they were true soul mates and had been together for 40 years. My mum was devastated, the first time I saw her after he died she just looked like half of herself. She'd shrunk and the light had gone from her eyes. It was a terrible time, my mum was trying to be so strong, she was trying to protect me and my kids. She lost weight and was so thin I finally managed to persuade(force) her to go to the doctors. Anyways, she died too. She went into hospital on 14th February - my dads birthday and his 7 month anniversary. She died on the 18th of multiple organ failure due to a burst duodenal ulcer- she was 58. She had no fight left in her. And although I don't think she wanted to die, I don't think she wanted to live either. I miss them both so much. I wake up in the night unable to breathe and panic I'm going to die suddenly too. I worry that I'll be leaving my children motherless and grandparentless. I don't know if that anxiety is a symptom of grief. Or I really need to get checked out by the dr. If my parents had visited their dr when they first showed symptoms maybe they'd be here today.

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Nov 14, 2012
by: Anonymous

I lost my adopted father eight years ago, 64 years old, suddenly, from a reaction to pain medicene after surviving a heart attack quad. bypass heart surgery. Shocking! I lost my biological father to cancer, a one year bought at the age of 66, I thought he was improving. My Mom was "healthy as a horse" washed her car by hand the day of her death, cut her grass with a push mower the day before. I was, and still am in shock, we layed in the sun at the lake together, in bikinis, jus the summer. Teasing we still would when she would be 75. I so feel ya'lls pain. I too wonder how "health" I am. Yet part of me does not care, I have lost the most important person to me. I should not say that because I have a wonderful grown son and a wonderful husband. Just the void of my Mom on a daily basis is horrible, she loved me unconditionally. I pray for our healing and God's guidance. I pray for the pain to ease up. Because if you are like me you think you are dying. God help us please, amen.

Oct 11, 2012
she couldn' t live without him
by: silver

I live in your life. My father had a cancer that normally kills in 1-3 yrs but with good care and advances he live 13 yrs.My parents were married for 64 yrs 4 months when he died.My mom did not leave the hospital the last two weeks before he died.She had been a military wife,moving every 3 or so yrs.She raised 6 kids one of which was mentally retarded.She also took care of daddy.When she died,all the fight left her.She sat in a chair,sometimes watching TV sometimes sleeping.She only went somewhere if my son,who stayed with her,or I talked her into going out.SEVEN months after daddy died so did she. From the sitting she developed a clot that went to her heart and killed her.I say she died of a broken heart. I didn't understand why she wasted away like that until 11 months later when my husband died.I wanted to quit also. I didn't want to go anywhere.The difference is that I ate to try to comfort me.It's hard to deal with your special mate leaving you behind. The main reason I didn't follow her example is what it did to me to lose both parents in less than a year.What would it do to my kids.I have become more religious and I pray each night for GOD to give me the strength to make another day. I feel for your grief.GOD bless you and give you strength. I send you love and prayers

Oct 11, 2012
by: Anonymous

I find it interesting the way you explained that you don't think she wanted to die, but you don't think she wanted to live either. I am in the same purgatory that your mom was in except that I have small children. On the one hand, I want so desperately to be with my love in Heaven. On the other hand, I would never want my children to suffer this life alone. How cruel and selfish of me to even give thought to leaving them? I think your anxiety is normal. You realize, now, that you can go at anytime. Just as your children can, your friends can, etc. The way I have been dealing with the anxiety is to focus on how wonderful the afterlife is and to prepare for the possibility that I may go at anytime and my kids be left without me. (Although, I think, God will make me suffer a long life without my love!) I also am trying to be a more compassionate, loving person to everyone. This world is just full of so much hurt. I don't mean this in an offensive way, but, I am happy for your mom that she got to be reunited with your dad. Yes, I am sad for you, but you have your own life now. Hers, it probably felt over with the loss of her love.

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