She wanted to see the mountains one last time...
RIP Mom, Feb 15 - Nov 9 <3 <3 <3
ONE YEAR AGO today my world changed forever. November 9th, 2011 was a Wednesday, and it was around 4:30 in the morning when the phone rang. "It happened", my brother said. After I hung up the phone, I got up and managed to walk around to the front of the bed before I dropped to my knees and broke down. It's not like I didn't know this was coming, but hearing the news that mom is dead just brought the wave of reality crashing down, and I felt like I was drowning under its weight.
Grieving for my mom this past year has been difficult. It took me three months to find the strength to accept moving on without her. It's almost as though I kept forgetting she was gone and that she wasn't coming back. Occasionally I still get the sudden thought of "holy sh*t, my mom is dead!" but it happens much less than it used to. The hardest thing isn't really even accepting that she is gone and never coming back, as much as the thought of spending the rest of my life without her. This is just the first year, and it's been so long already.
After around the six month mark I got to the point in my grief where I could smile at the memories more often than they would bring tears to my eyes. There were and still are 'bad' days, but many more 'good' ones. I started to consciously notice things that I hadn't before - the way I say certain things, little gestures that remind me of her... The part of her that is still alive within me.
At 17 I lost my dad to suicide, and at 31 I lost my mother to cancer. I already knew that nothing was forever but after mom's passing, I was cruelly reminded of the fact. It was time to take chances! I decided to start my life fresh, in a different town. So I moved from Edmonton to Vancouver in November of this year. It's nice to look around and not be reminded of ghosts from the past.
She wanted to see the mountains one last time... sadly she never got the chance.
But now I see them everyday, for her.