She was my everything

by Alea

this is her, she was so beautiful and talented

this is her, she was so beautiful and talented

Growing up I was alone, I have no brothers and sisters and was never allowed around anyone my age. Until she came along, her name is Britany. She was my everything, we struggled through some bad times, but I still remember some of the good. We were inseparable for 7 years. She was 5 when I met her and I helped raise her and watched her grow over those wonderful years. Suddenly at age 13 she started experimenting with drugs and alcohol, I tried to teach her right from wrong because at this point her parents were giving up and didn't care. Finally when she turned 15 she started getting better. We were back the way we used to be, then like before, things took a turn for the worse. She started to experiment with harder drugs and would sneak out, I tried to tell her what that can lead to and tried to tell her to stop, but she wouldn't listen. So, I left, and I didn't look back. One day we just stopped talking because of her self destructive choices, now looking back I feel like I abandoned her when she needed me the most, and for a while I hated myself for it. About 8 months after I left I got a phone call from a friend saying she died at 3am in a car crash. She was only 15, everyone in the car was drunk and high, the driver was killed as well, the two in the backseat were okay, they had some minor injuries. When I got this phone call, I literally hit the floor, my bf and my other friend that was there at the time had to come and pick me up. She was everything to me, and what kills me the most is not knowing whether or not she really knew what she meant to me and whether or not she knew that she was my everything, and I don't think she knew how hard and how much it ate at me every day to leave her, to just walk away from 7 years of friendship. I feel guilt, not for her death, but for not being there for her, I feel like there is this hole inside of me, a void, that is slowly swallowing me whole. I don't know how to overcome this, I just wish she was still here.

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