She was my mother and I miss her still after many years

by betty
(dunellen )

I cry in one minute if I think about my mother. She was recovering from a minor cellulitis, placed in a rehab center , fell, went into a CO2 narcosis and died four days later. I was in another country for vacation but came home when I heard. After I saw her when I came home that nite I went home but woke up at 5 am and went by myself to the hospital to be with her. By the time I saw her she couldn't open her eyes or speak but I figured maybe she could hear. For a long time I just sat there, probably in shock about the whole thing. The shock of never hearing her voice again, or not saying goodbye. But at some point I whispered in her ear it was ok to see her mother and my brother and she died shortly afterward. In my arms. My sister came in 10 minutes later. I always thought that was odd because I always felt she loved my older sister and younger brother better but it was me who was there when she died. I don't know why I still cry when I think about it but I do. Just miss her around. We buried her on Valentine's Day. Miss her so much.

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Jan 09, 2014
No Words, No Goodbye
by: Federico

How I underestand You. Until September 29 of 2011, my beloved mum didn't spoke nothing. Only few days, she spoke, after, only silence. Really hard for us. Despite time after, when some reminds me, I still cry. There's no nothing to help us after the Loss. At home, today only silence is my own company.

Jan 08, 2014
She was my mother and I miss her till after many years
by: Doreen UK

Betty I am sorry for your loss of your mom. It is O.K. to cry. Grief is not done to order. It springs upon us when we least expect it. Crying often is how you will heal from your loss. At time of loss so many emotions arise and many family members either come together or split up. It would also be common to have feelings like you express about being loved less than your brother and sister. Many families have a favourite child but this doesn't mean the parents love the other's less. My son gave me a hard time and he was a very hard child to love. I loved him nevertheless but he never felt it. I also had post partum depression after having him which made a difference to the relationship. So many factors can cause a child to feel unloved. Some parents struggle more with certain children within the family. My older daughter was so obedient and easy to love because she was such an angel with a gentle personality and made mothering easy. She had her Dad's personality. My son unfortunately had my personality. I was boisterous. You may benefit from seeing a grief counsellor. You may be stuck in grief and unable to move forward. Often when we repress our feelings (even grief) the issues go underground and start pressing for resolution and this is often many years later. You won't heal from this grief without good professional support. You may only need a few sessions to unblock what you can't understand but a counsellor would pick up on. Another way is to keep a journal and write out your feelings. Many more feelings may come up to the surface and be resolved. It will be your journal so you can structure this the way you want. Even writing letters to your mom to express how you feel. I hope that you have easier days ahead and that you will have good support from family and friends to help you through your grief.

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