Shine bright, Mummy.
It's been 6 weeks since my wonderful Mum took her last breath, and she fell asleep, peacefully, with all her loved ones at the bedside. Suffering a Subarachnoid Haemorrhage caused by a ruptured brain aneurysm, my Mum had been in an Intensive Care Unit for 12 days. She'd been breathing by herself, off a ventilator, for 2 days - and as a family, we had every hope she'd pull through. My brothers and I say we were so privileged to hold her hands at the end of her life, and that we had the opportunity to say goodbye. She loved her three children SO SO much, and we adored her.
She was a treasure, a gem of a person. Everything I am today is a result of my mum's wisdom, warmth & love. She will live on in our hearts forever.
My gorgeous Nana and I have a cup of tea in bed together every morning. We reminisce over beautiful memories of a wonderful Mother and Daughter. We have shed many tears - but we laugh, too. And we smile. I have moments of peace, I think to myself 'I'm getting a little bit of acceptance', and then I'm struck by intense grief. I cry so much, I long for her to come home. Sometimes, I believe she will.
Somehow, despite all the tears, pain and sadness, I am surviving. Everyday, I surrender to my grief. I allow myself to feel the emotions, I stay on the roller coaster & I tell myself, I will be ok. I don't need to be afraid. I make a concerted effort to keep going, to go for coffee, to keep living - yet still aware of the huge gaping whole she has left, which will never go away.
It is so strange being here without you, Mummy. Each evening, I light candles for you - I have the little angel you bought me last year - it shines brightly by my bedside.
Thank you - for loving me, for always caring. A truly devoted Mother. You were always there to listen, to support me. You had so much patience. That was just one of your wonderful gifts.
Sleep tight, Mummy. Sweet dreams. I know I'll see you again - not today, nor tomorrow - but I will see you. Be free. Be happy. I will keep living for you.
I hope that where you are now, the kettle is on & you're having a laugh with your Best Friend, and your Dad, whom you adored. They were there to welcome you.
1962-2014. Love you forever. <3