Should be excited

by Pat
(Florida)

Today I went for a job interview, I start my new job Monday, it's been 7 months since my 36yr. old son completed suicide. Him & I were close talked to each other everyday, about what was going on in our lives. I was so excited to finally get a job even though some days I don't think I'm ready yet. The excitement turned to a sinking feeling when I once again realized I can't call him to share my joy. He would have had some wise crack to make. I miss him so, so much, it's days like today that the stabbing pain & reality hits me like a ton of bricks falling on top of me. I truly hate this new normal & I hate the new me.

Comments for Should be excited

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Apr 30, 2011
Congrats!
by: Anonymous

Hi Pat,

Congrats on your accomplishment - a new job and enduring the months of grief you look back on. The amazing part is you have never been alone. God has been walking beside you to comfort and guide you to where you are today and He will continue to do so tomorrow, the next day and the next as long as you invite Him along for the journey. I so appreciate that He is a gentleman and waits to be invited...and I try not to forget each day. It is hard to look both forward and backward, but knowing that God is in both places, is solid rock and not shifting sand, comforts and calms my heart. Blessings to you one day at a time. Gracie

Apr 29, 2011
for my mom
by: Anonymous

Every one here that comment is right. Jerry is watching you and he was there when you had your interview. I know he is so proud that you are going back to work again. I know it hurts that he not here but he want you to go back out and be around people and be busy doing something every day. I know Jerry will keep guiding you each step of the way and know he is sitting on your shoulder making wise crack comment about what you are doing on your job. Just keep your head up above and know he is with you in every step of the way.

I love you

Apr 29, 2011
M Mack
by: Mari

I read your message and I had the same feeling as you expressed, that my husband probably was aware that I had found a job. Since I am 66 yrs old I thought no one would want me and one day 2 months ago somebody said I was the person they were looking for.It was a wonderful feeling and things have worked out great.It is a God thing when we find work in this economy.
I have always felt that staying busy was good for us.
How are you doing by the way? You are always encouraging others and are a blessing to the people on this board.
I have noticed that people on the board have gotten jobs or are making changes in their homes.It is the activity that is good and a way of trying to try to move on.
I feel I am making progress. The moments of sadness come and go but my faith pulls me through. Take care of yourself. I think women are stronger then they realize.

Apr 29, 2011
I know the feeling
by: Shirley

I was hired into my new job about two weeks before my son died of leukemia. Because of all the paperwork associated with the new hire my start date ended up being just days after he died. Luckily they were understanding and gave me three weeks to grieve before I started and then let me work part time for 4 months before moving onto full time. I too miss being able to share my news with my son. It really hurts so much at times that I can't breathe. It's been 8 1/2 months since that awful leukemia took his life and I'm still drowning in sorrow. I wonder at times if this is the life I'll have to endure until I die. You are not alone. We are in this stupid, awful club together.

Apr 29, 2011
Australia
by: Kay

Pat
I am hearing you....your words are my words..I dont know how we get through these moments, these days,this new life and yes we are new and different people. Oh Pat it all just seems like a bad dream. Unwillingly we are cast into a new life never to be the same again. Congratulations on your job....Your son would be so proud of you. Good luck . I feel so much love in my heart for you and other parents who have lost their children. At times like these the pain is almost unbearable. Take care dear Pat you are in my thoughts. xxx

Apr 29, 2011
Should be excited
by: Mari

I am very sorry about your loss Pat. May God be with you. Your son would be so proud of you for getting a job. Not only that but it will do you good too.
I agree that this new life is not fun. We have to go through a grieving process and it takes time. But keeping busy will sure be helpful
I too got apart time job although I already work at home. I enjoy it and it does help me because everyone is so nice and the split shifts give me time to do needed things inbetween. It is 5 minutes drive from home.
Just stay close to the Lord and rely on him for strength for each day. That is where our help comes from.
Also keep posting as there are so many nice people here on this board. We have all had losses and know the sad feeling. We are here for you too anytime you want to talk. Take care of yourself.

Apr 28, 2011
share your excitement
by: Anonymous

Pat,
I also had an experience today that reminded me of how I can no longer share information about work and day to day life with my husband. I miss hearing his spin or comments on my work stories or ideas.
My employer announced today that they plan to "transition " our business to a new out of state vendor over the next 2 years. This will eliminate jobs locally. I have been told my position would be one of the last to go. I have worked for this company for 33 years. I am 55 years old.
my husband passed away 4 months ago after a brief 1 month illness. Prior to his diagnosis, I had told him that I had a feeling these changes would be coming at work. He told me that would be the perfect timing for us to retire and enjoy life. He never got the chance, but I take this news today to be a new beginning for me. I am grateful that he gave me his thoughts when we had that conversation. It made hearing the official news today easier to handle.
I stopped at the cemetary on the way home from work today and told him about the changes . I also asked him to watch over me and guide me in making the right choices. I know he will always be there for me, just as your son is there to listen to you and share in the joy of your nre job.
Just talk to him like you always did and you will feel him there with you to share your joy.
best of luck with your new job.

Apr 28, 2011
Should be excited
by: M Mack

Pat,

Congrats on the new job. I hear ya when you don't have the one you shared everything with is not here. He knows about the job, probably with you during the interview and you made him proud.

This might be just the thing you need to get your mind in another place. I know it's a big step, but you did it! Thank God you had that wonderful relationship with him. It was special and you were very luck if only for a brief time. So kick up your heels and go get em! Best of luck as you venture yo another step. Remember we are here if you need a grief club family always....

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