Shredded Family Ties

by Gracie Thompson

Lord, my cup is full to overflowing. Full of anger, or maybe more like rage, I think.
Rage at things, events, circumstances
that I cannot control.
I’ll pick one.

My son died of his own choosing – no note, no warning, no good-byes.
The pain has been torture…You know of my flowing
tears, the anguish, the wishes to join him.

And if that weren’t enough,
family turned away, showering us with disdain for
decisions we had to make midst their grief.

Why Lord? Who said we had to choose sides?
This wasn’t supposed to be a contest to see who wins.

All we, parents and children, could do for him now was to bury him with as much dignity as possible…
and some family members still turned away in anger.

How dare we inconvenience them?
How dare we make decisions without seeking their counsel?
After all, they were family and family has rights.

Apparently as parents and children,
we didn’t have the right to make our own decisions.
And these were dreadfully ugly, harsh and difficult decisions to make!

I have forgiven them over and over and still there is more forgiving that needs to be extended in this one-sided forgiveness.

My cup is still full-to-overflowing with pain, Lord.
Family members are unable to speak to us about our son to help us all heal,
and perhaps to help mend the broken fences of our family ties.

It feels like a three-layer, chocolate cake; luscious and mouth-watering to behold.
But inside, it is filled with poisonous pain…carefully covered up with a
swirled perfection of creamy fudge frosting – “anger” frosting.
The anger is a beautiful covering for all the pain that is hidden deep inside.

That is what anger is – a covering for pain.
Anger is really a secondary emotion; how we naturally react to pain.
Pain makes us vulnerable and we want to avoid being vulnerable.

Anger makes us feel in control; strong and capable.
In anger and pain, we look around to blame – to rid ourselves of some of the suffocating guilt and pain.

Lord, forgive me today for all the bitterness and anger that still rages in my broken heart. Perhaps they have been blinded to the truth? Whatever it be, if they never speak to me again on this earth, I pray that You will bring us together for a fresh start in heaven.

Comments for Shredded Family Ties

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Jan 03, 2016
Grieving too
by: Anonymous

Having grieved myself, I state Perhaps your family has no idea what they did wrong, and possibly they did nothing wrong. They were there to support your family, they came to the funeral. I am sure they had no desire to be involved in the decisions being made and were there only as support to your family. Have you reached out to the family during their grieving? May the Lord give you peace, allow you to understand others hurt too, and bless you always.

Mar 08, 2011
Praying for you and your family
by: Anonymous

I just lost my niece to suicide and I know your pain. My family is torn apart by this. Each of us wondering what we could have done to prevent it. We saw it coming like a tidal wave and the guilt we are feeling now is ripping us to shreds. We are burying her this coming Monday. I am numb with grief. She and I were so alike. My sister can hardly be around me because I remind her of her only daughter who is now forever gone. Life will never be the same. If only we could have saved her! The anguish is unbearable. I hope someday you and your family will find peace. I pray my family will too. Only time will tell. Only God can heal us. God bless you!

Dec 14, 2010
With Love learned from Michael
by: Donna

Sending lots of kind thoughts and peace your way, because you deserve it. You have suffered the most amazing disaster ever asked of anyone. I share in your pain, after losing my 15 year old beautiful, talented, thoughtful and treasured son, a few months ago, the world means different things now, sometimes the whole world doesn't matter, but, there is enough love and laughter on this earth for all of us and as long as we pass it on and let it manifest, we shall always know peace, love and calm. I wish you all of these.

Oct 20, 2009
Common Grief
by: Gracie

Dear Mom A,

How sweet of you to respond to my pain when you have so much of your own. I am sorry that you lost your son and to such a horrendous death. You have great understanding of our sons' pain - more than most folks. Keep telling your story so that others may hear your words of truth. And write me again. I'd like to keep in touch.

In His Grip,

Oct 15, 2009
Your Precious Son
by: Anonymous

Dear Gracie, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son. My son, too, died by suicide. Please remember that our sons did not die by their own choice - they died from a highly misunderstood disease of the mind: mental illness. They did not choose to inherit the brain that they did. Suicide is the tragic, deadly result of a deadly disease. Our sons did not want to die; they only wanted their inner torment to go away and, in their disease, saw no way out.

At my son's funeral, the pastor said, "Even depression does not separate him from God. In his darkest hour, God grabbed him, held him tightly and said, 'I love you'."

I'm sorry, too, for the anger among your family. For now, you need to take care of yourself first. Be kind, be gentle to yourself.

Sincerely, another mother

Oct 15, 2009
simular but different
by: Barb

We adopted our daughters in a kinship adoption. They were my nieces daughters. Almost 2 years ago my other great niece (19 yr. old) went to live with the girl's birth mom. She stated that my husband sexually abused her when she was at our house. In court it was agreed that she came on to him at the age of 19 and he put a stop to it. Well the courts used testing results that were given to her when she was 15 and charged him with sexual assault on a child. Throughout this whole time there were several attempts from them to try to kidnap our children we had adopted.

Then my husband was killed in a motorcycle accident on September 3, 2009. They had the guts to show up at the hospital hoping to see the girls. Now they think that I should forget that any of the stuff happened because he is no longer around and let them see the girls and act like nothing ever happened. I can't forget the 2 years of pain they have put me through and I also grieve my husband. I feel right now I just need to grieve and let the girls grieve for their daddy without any negative imput from them. God is in control of our situation and I hope you are letting Him be in control of yours. One of my daughters and my son are not talking to me because they are on my "nieces side".

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