SILVER -my soul mate is still gone

by silver
(alabama)

for our special loves

for our special loves

It's been almost 16 months and he's still gone. I know that sounds weird but it's true. I keep hoping I'm wrong but I know I'm not.That's the hard part.I'm NOT. I keep expecting him to be there in the morning and when I go to bed at night,but he's not there.WHY? I said in one of my poems why didn't you wait for me. I feel so alone,even when I'm out somewhere. That's another part-I don't want to go anywhere. I have to force myself to go out of the house. I have no close friends anymore,except one and she works 7 days a week. The "friends" disappeared when I retired.I have 4 sons but they have their own families and all work full time.One even lives in another state. My sisters and brother live in another state. I live on widow's pension so have no money to visit anyone out of state. I began going through some boxes and found a stuffed buffalo that my husband bought for me on one of our anniversary trips.I've been trying not to cry so much because I gave myself severe bronchitis(raw lungs) from all the crying. This was a broken straw and I am crying today.The guy whose fiance died while he was overseas broke my heart but I totally understand his feelings. It doesn't matter how long you were with your special love,only how strong that love was.I look at other couples and wonder if they know how lucky they are and do they tell each other how much they love them because the time is short and running out.I have too much respect for lift to commit suicide but sometimes I wonder if I died would anyone notice? I know that's a dumb statement but that's how alone I feel sometimes.I put on a happy face when I see someone I know but it's all a front.I'm hoping that the therapy sessions I begin in Oct will help me learn how to cope.I continue to pray for strength for me and all the others in my place no matter how short or long the time.It's the same feelings.LOST! I am putting a new poem I wrote called HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE along with the rest. Love and support to all of you

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Sep 25, 2012
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE
by: IRWIN DRESNER

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR NICE COMMENTS. I PRAY THAT YOU HAVE PEACE IN YOUR LIFE AND FEEL MUCH BETTER. BEING AN INVENTOR I WOULD LOVE TO INVENT A TIME MACHINE SO THAT WE COULD GO BACK AND BE WITH OUR LOVE AGAIN. THANKS AGAIN AND I WISH YOU ALL THE LUCK AND HAPPINESS IN THIS WORLD. IRWIN

Sep 23, 2012
SILVER - my soul mate is still gone
by: Doreen U.K.

Silver I lost my first post to you. I am sorry for your loss and the way you still feel hurt with your loss of your soul mate. You are not dumb for saying. "If I died I wonder if anyone would notice"? I also say "If I died I wonder if anyone would care"? It is our LONLINESS that makes us feel this way. Everyone is busy with their own lives. I saw my mother go through this and was dreading this happening to me. She died 9 years ago. My father is 91yrs. and in care and he doesn't want to be here. We will never recover from our loss. We will just get used to living with it in TIME.
I am glad you are going into therapy. If you get the right therapist. You will come through this. I GOT MY LIFE BACK. BEST INVESTMENT FOR ME. I then went on to give back 8 years of my life in voluntary work to Mental Health organisation. That also gave me rich rewards in life experiences. I even developed skills that help me today. Many people have unresolved conflicts that affect their grief and grieving. They become stuck in grief (like a blockage) they can't move forward. therapy helps. After the funeral we lose people from our lives. Even our siblings and children disappear for a while. WE are left all alone with our GRIEF. We need rescueing sometimes. "God is our refuge and strength. A very present help in times of trouble". The great burden bearer. We have to lean on Him more. WE do often feel like dying due to our grief. Take it to God in Prayer. Keep a journal and write down your feelings. Also write in a dialogue between you and God. This is good especially when praying is hard. I replied to your Poem "HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE". I read this to God. I will write this down in my journal and utter this as a daily prayer to God. I will record his answer which will be different for each of us. If you feel lonely and want to write to me. my email is doreenelkington@aol.com
Best wishes with your therapy.

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