by silver

I've been on here already at the multiple deaths site. My mother,father,best friend of 28yrs and my husband died within 18 months. This time I want to write about the love of my life leaving me.I am going to go to the mental heath center because I can't quit crying. We were friends for four years before we married.We were married 33yrs and 1 week. Sometimes I feel so dead inside.I feel so alone.He died May 29,2011.I sometimes feel stupid because it's been almost 16 months and I can't seem to go on. My mother died 7 months after my dad and I couldn't understand why she gave up so quick.Granted they were married for 64 yrs but I thought she should get back out there and be with her friends bowling like she did until he went into the hospital that last time. THEN IT HAPPENED TO ME only 11 mos later.At first I was sorrowful but I was handling it well(or so I thought). I found out later that was part of the shock stage. My children and their families said how well I did. That lasted for a while. I cried for a few months then,I thought I was getting better.That stage lasted until this year around my birthday in August. It hit me. My love would not be here with me.I began crying every day and most of the day.This lasted until I LITERALLY made my self sick. I have Asthma so I get bronchitis easy.I got a bad case of it and ended up in the emergency room. Now I am weak and I am trying to get my strength and lungs in better shape.I often feel so alone in this world.Although I know it's stupid I feel as if I died no one would even notice or care.I have 4 sons,several grandchildren(though I only get to see 3 of them very often)My sons have their families to take care of.My siblings live in another state and I don't hear from them often.I don't have any friends my age.I have thought of going places my mom and I went but those are her friends. I'm hoping that the mental health meetings will help and maybe I'll meet someone I can see once in awhile to talk? When I get better I plan to go to the Senior Center and see what they have. I go to church except since I've been sick.I live on Social Security so I can't afford to join any clubs or groups any other way.GOD bless all of you

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Sep 19, 2012
for no tomorrow
by: silver

I totally agree. I can't think very far into the future.I have a dr appt on such a date. I need to go to the groc store tomorrow,etc. I have been told to look around for someone to do casual dating with. I don't want to. I'm too much in love with my husband,even if he isn't here.I thought about going to visit some of the places we went together to remember the good times but I'm not ready for that yet. There is a lady at church whose husband died the month before mine and we talk some. Another lady sent me a series of 4 booklets on grief. Several hug me when they see me. I cry a lot also but I try not to because I LITERALLY made my self sick(bronchitis)with the crying.I talk to him each day and night.I tell him to wait for me,I join him later.My faith is strong and that is what keeps me going.GOD bless you and give you strength

Sep 14, 2012
No Tomorrow
by: Anonymous

I lost the love of my life this past year. It has been the most painful experience of my life (and I have been through plenty!). I have decided I will no longer think about "tomorrow." Why? Because I am young, and that could mean a lifetime alone. See, I don't want to be with anyone else. Thinking about tomorrow makes me panic. So, I have decided only to think about today. What can I do today? Well, I can do the obvious that needs to get done. I can also share my pain with a stranger at the gym, so they will know how to appreciate what they have right now. I can listen to someone else's problems, and help them through those problems. The reality is, no matter how much I want to join my love, I don't get to until God says so. In the meantime, if I help someone else who is hurting, it helps me take my mind off how much I am hurting. Even, if only for a minute. Don't get me wrong, I cry and cry and cry. Young or old, the pain is all the same. It's just a matter of working on not letting that pain take me into such a pit of despair that I don't finish living out my life the way God intended. It will just have to be . . . alone. Know that you are loved.

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