Sisters: The connection
My 29 year old daughter recently passed away, after a sudden illness called Bacterial Endocarditis. This was a devastating event that occurred in our family. I cannot begin to express how much of a wonderful young lady she was. Religious, believed in God, hard working (50-60 hours a week), devoted to her family and friends. She was divorced, with two children, one that she gave up for adoption, long story from a short mistake as a teenager...which she did the right thing for herself and the child at the time. But went on in life to accomplish a great deal for herself. She completed college and had recently gone back to further her degree, and was only 1 semester of completing a second, advanced degree in civil engineering. Regardless of all her busy work in her life, she attended church regularly, believed in the Lord, and lived her life accordingly--giving everything she was, had to those that she loved, had in her life. She was a true friend to those that knew her. She could cook, oh my Lord, she could cook. A natural talent of hers that was amazing. She made her own recipes and LOVED cooking for the people in her life. It gave her true joy to make others happy. She was smart...I can't express how proud I was/am of her. She and her youngest sibling--a 22 year old sister, were extremely close. Very close, and my youngest daughter--the 22 year old, is having an extremely hard time dealing with the death of her sister. I have tried everything I know to be supportive of her, while dealing with the loss of my other daughter as well. I have put my grief aside to help my youngest daughter. She is not doing well, while she is "functioning" in life, working and doing what she needs to on a daily basis, she is not sleeping, not eating well--lost at least 20 pounds...of which she is not a large girl anyway...she is 5'2 and weighed about 120, and now down to about 102. She was married, but has now left her husband, because he could not understand her loss...and she did not give him the opportunity too understand it, she left him. She is supporting herself financially, but that is all that she is doing. She was in college to become a dentist/surgeon, but has now dropped out. She is working as a waitress...while it is supporting her, not saying anything about waitresses, because I used to do that while in college as well, but she is giving up. She has twice taken medications that were not prescribed to her to help her "sleep" she says. Because she cries at night, thinking of her loss and her sister. I have talked to her through the night, during these crying stages, because she will call me. She is very open with me, and tells me what she has done--taken medications. I am a psychologist, and have been one for quite some time, but I can tell you, she knows this...and she doesn't want me to "counsel" her, which I have not...I have just been her mother and tried to help in anyway that I can. But I can tell you it is getting worse. I have begged, offered to pay, for her to seek professional help, and she refuses. She is not "commit-able" at this time, because she knows what to say...and in our state, in order to be committed, you have to be a harm to yourself or others. I want to help her, but I am lost at this time, can't see past what is happening in my own family. I don't want to risk "not" getting a call from her in the middle of the night, crying, about thinking about her sister and what is not anymore, but what I fear is her taking some medication that she doesn't know what it really is and never waking up again. The other night, thanks to Thanksgiving...as I said before, my older daughter was an amazing cook and always cooked during the holidays, she called me at 4:30 in the morning after taking 15 neurontin: Gabapentin, and while I know that would not take her life, I am concerned that she is willing to take anything at this time to help sleep. I have begged her to go to a psychiatrist to get the medications that she needs for grieve and depression, but she will not do it. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated at this time. She denies suicide...she just wants to get a good nights sleep. She has not slept well, nor is she really functioning. She has started drinking some...on occasion, but I want her to develop coping skills. She has never dealt with death before in her life, let alone someone so close to her. I am so close to her, I cannot think of other things to do for, with, or how for her. I continually support her calls, her crying spells, her thoughts and love for her sister, but I am so concerned that she is sinking farther into depression, she will end up committed somewhere before all this is over.