Six Months- It Seems Like Yesterday

by Mary
(Ocean, NJ)

It will be six months tomorrow when my world fell apart. I lost my loving husband,Gene. He was my world. We were married 41 years. He was kind, generous , loving and so very humorous. He made me laugh everyday. I am proud to say we had a wonderful marriage. Although six months have passed it seems like it just happened. Gene was diagnosed with cancer in mid October, although he was in the care of hospics,it was expected he would live several months. He died Dec.8.2010. The nurse had visited the day before and said he was doing ok. She was shocked when he passed. I feel I didn't have a chance to say good-bye, he died in his sleep. I keep replaying that in my head. I found him in the morning. He looked so peaceful. It seems like yesterday. Iam trying to be strong, but it is so difficult. This is the worst pain, being alone, not having Gene to share my life. To hug me, to look after me, to hold my hand and tell me things will be fine. I am a true believer in God and I know Gene is in heaven looking after me, but I feel so lost. I have two wonderful children and five beautiful grandchildren. This has been so difficult for them too. The grandchildren continually talk about Pop Pop and how they miss him. The oldest one is 7 and the youngest 4. It is so very hard for them to understand death. If I can't understand, how can they. I pray that I will have strength and peace of mind and I thank God for giving me 41 years with a wonderful man. I just am so lonely.
Gene, I love you. Please watch over me and our family, give us strength to get through all the difficult days ahead.I find it hard to believe it has been six months- time moves on and I feel stuck, I am as sad today as the day I lost you. I know I need to take one day at a time. Easy to say, so very hard to do.

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Jun 09, 2011
Forever ago yesterday...
by: Hope

Mary, Trish,

6 months was just the beginning. It seems like it just happened yesterday yet we are angered somehow at ourselves for surviving that long without the one that we Love. At a year and a half things are just now starting to even out.

In the first year I tried to fix grief. Somehow survive grief and could not understand why it did not seem to really get better day by day month by month. I thought myself stuck to as though there was some type of linear process. The ups and downs the roller coaster of emotions was maddening.

In time you learn who you are and what this life holds for you. We can do it alone without them only by understanding ourselves and loving who we can be. I thought of it as selfish/ self centered only because we cared for someone for so long. But doing what you want is not selfish it is re learning who we are.

My best to all on this long and lonely road of grief.

Jun 09, 2011
6 months
by: CH

Hi Mary,
It will be 6 months for me on June 18th. My wonderful, loving husband of 31 years died one month after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He was 53 years old.
I am able to recall every single day of that month in such detail. I keep wondering how the hell our lives changed so quickly.
I miss him so much.
I went right back to work on January 3rd and that has provided me with a distraction during the day, but the evenings and weekends are brutal.
There is nothing that I want to do because there is nothing I find pleasure in doing these days.
This time of year I always spent planning weekend getaways with my husband. I miss that. My sister has asked me if I want to plan some weekends away in July and August, but I really don't. I can't even think that far ahead right now.
I just feel like I am stuck in limbo and not sure when I will get out. I know my husband is with me, watching over me, but I would prefer that he be right here where I can touch him and see him and have a conversation with him.
I'm sorry I can't offer words of wisdom, but I thought it might help for you to know you are not alone on this journey.
Hugs to you.

Jun 08, 2011
One Day At A Time
by: TrishJ

Hi Mary~
I'm stuck too. It was 6 months for me on June 3rd. Joe and I were married for 37 1/2 years. Some days I actually have to remind myself upon waking that Joe is actually gone.
I feel like I'm just existing. I don't find a lot of joy in life right now. I'm hoping it will get better. I think we just have to try to get through the next 6 months the best we can. I pray daily for strength. I know the future is up to me. Right now I miss my husband so much I'm not looking too far into the future. I just get through the day the best I can.
Blessings to you. Losing my husband is one of the hardest things I've ever lived through. It's a whole lot of work and miserable work at that.
I hope you find a way to start living again. I hope I do too.
One breath, one step at a time :)

Jun 08, 2011
I feel your pain
by: Christine

I feel your pain. I lost my husband a month ago and although I know he is looking down on me, I would rather have him here with me. I miss him so much.

We were married in November, he passed 2 days short of our 6 month anniversary.

The pain is unbearable sometimes. I am not sure how I am going to go on but I am trying.

I keep remembering his smile, his love, his spirit and I keep breathing one breathe at a time.

I wish you peace in this terrible time! Be well!

Jun 08, 2011
for Mary
by: Mari

I am sorry you are so sad. It just takes time to deal with the grief and 6 months isn't a very long time. What you feel is very natural for your loss.
You know Mary that God will see you through. Just take a day at a time.Do not hesitate to call on the name of the Lord because He is always beside you.Gene is safe with the Lord.
When we lose a part of ourselves we have to go through the grieving process and it varies with people.And this is a wonderful board to post whatever is on your mind and heart. Everyone cares. We are here for you.
I lost my husband a yr and 1/2 ago and am doing better. I changed jobs,got a kitty cat and have a new 4 mo old grandbaby and I sure miss that husband of mine. It makes my heart ache.Sometimes I look at his picture and say,''Why did you have to leave me, sweetheart?''
God is helping me cope. Please keep posting and take care of yourself.

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