Roger died six months ago. We will be married 34 years in March. I have been trying so hard. I really have. But tonight I just feel so alone. I don't want to call my family they really don't understand. They have all moved on. So I really just need to talk. I want to tell someone about this wonderful man that I married. I don't want people to say he is gone. Let's move on. Because I can't. I miss him so much. It hurts so bad. I don't really know what to do. We met on Valentines day. Three days later he asked me to marry him. I know it was a short time. but I knew when I met him that he was the man I was going to marry. He was so sweet. We had both been married before. His first wife had passed away and I was divorced from an abusive man. We were both leary about getting into a relationship. But we just clicked.
Roger loved to drive and I loved to ride. We went on the best road trips. He took me places I would never had gone alone. Just before he died we had planned a trip to hit every state in the US. We had been to Alaska and he had been to Hawaii. 2 weeks before we were going to leave I told him he should go in for a check up. He had lost a lot of weight. We were packed, had our trip layed out. All of the maps were ready and motels booked.
He went in on a Monday for his check up. He called me at work and said they had admitted him into the hospital they said it was pneumonia. On Thursday the Dr. said they were having trouble getting his oxygen regulated. He was in over the week end. They took more tests on Monday. On Tuesday when I got to the hospital, Roger told me he only had six months to live, it was lung cancer. He wanted to die at home so I took my wonderful guy home to hold in my arms for six months.He died the following Monday. We thought we had time. I thought I would be able to tell him those things that were important to me. I NEVER DID. So for the last six months I have written him a letter every night telling him how I feel.How much I love him and miss him. How much it hurts.
I am sorry this is so long but it is a bad night and I needed to say it somewhere.