So alone

by Yvonne

Roger died six months ago. We will be married 34 years in March. I have been trying so hard. I really have. But tonight I just feel so alone. I don't want to call my family they really don't understand. They have all moved on. So I really just need to talk. I want to tell someone about this wonderful man that I married. I don't want people to say he is gone. Let's move on. Because I can't. I miss him so much. It hurts so bad. I don't really know what to do. We met on Valentines day. Three days later he asked me to marry him. I know it was a short time. but I knew when I met him that he was the man I was going to marry. He was so sweet. We had both been married before. His first wife had passed away and I was divorced from an abusive man. We were both leary about getting into a relationship. But we just clicked.

Roger loved to drive and I loved to ride. We went on the best road trips. He took me places I would never had gone alone. Just before he died we had planned a trip to hit every state in the US. We had been to Alaska and he had been to Hawaii. 2 weeks before we were going to leave I told him he should go in for a check up. He had lost a lot of weight. We were packed, had our trip layed out. All of the maps were ready and motels booked.

He went in on a Monday for his check up. He called me at work and said they had admitted him into the hospital they said it was pneumonia. On Thursday the Dr. said they were having trouble getting his oxygen regulated. He was in over the week end. They took more tests on Monday. On Tuesday when I got to the hospital, Roger told me he only had six months to live, it was lung cancer. He wanted to die at home so I took my wonderful guy home to hold in my arms for six months.He died the following Monday. We thought we had time. I thought I would be able to tell him those things that were important to me. I NEVER DID. So for the last six months I have written him a letter every night telling him how I feel.How much I love him and miss him. How much it hurts.

I am sorry this is so long but it is a bad night and I needed to say it somewhere.

Comments for So alone

Click here to add your own comments

Feb 08, 2011
so alone
by: jules

You don't have to say "sorry" on this site - we all know the pain you are feeling - keep coming here, you will find comfort and understanding, friendship and caring - read other posts, join the grief club. Take time for yourself, care for yourself, and remember - every day, one step, one breath
take care

Feb 08, 2011
We're All Alone
by: Trish

Yvonne~It's only been 10 weeks for me. I just wrote a post about everything my husband is missing. You only had a short time at the end. With me it was three years of watching my handsome, rugged, full of life husband wilt away before my eyes. I don't know which is worse. I had him for three more years but it was not a quality life. We both woke up everyday with the fear that this day would be his last.
Although he was just a shell of his old self those past few months he told me he loved me 10 times a day. I could hold his hand and feel his warmth. He still managed to keep his positive outlook and smile. That's what I miss the most, just having his physical presence near me. We were big Motown fans so he was always belting out a Smokey Robinson or Temptations tune at all hours of the day. Now my house is quiet. I'm lonely and afraid. We all are going through this horrible thing they call grief.
I pray for you, I pray for me and all of us who are grieving on this site. We're in this ugly thing together. Everyone tells me it does get better. Not goo~just more bearable. That's all I'm hoping for right now. Hugs and blessings.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!